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Bridal Shower

TerestaTeresta member
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in Chit Chat
This might belong in etiquette but I'm not sure. Basically a friend of mine is insisting on throwing a Bridal Shower for me. Okay, I really don't want one but she's a good friend and I will let her have her fun with it. The problem is she sells Mary Kay and, as far as I can tell, is planning on ordering a lot of Mary Kay stuff, giving out makeovers, and basically trying to sell her mary kay using my wedding as a way to do that.

I don't want to be rude and tell her that we're just not going to do it, but I really don't have the time to plan this on top of the wedding. We're not having any bridesmaids or groomsmen, and despite this being her idea she's expecting me to plan it. I'm not sue what to tell her, or the easiest way to say "I really dont want you using my wedding as a chance to hawk your make up to my guests" without really saying that.

Any ideas? TIA
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Re: Bridal Shower

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    waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    First Comment
    Well, you shouldn't host your own shower, so that's a moot point.

    If you see that's she going with a Mary Kay shower and you don't want that, just decline the invitation to host. You don't have to have a shower. Just tell her that you don't feel comfortable with it or make up your own excuse, like you don't have time or something.
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    526SadieSadie526SadieSadie
    First Comment
    It doesn't sound at all like she wants to throw a shower for you, so much as get access to your female relatives and friends to make money for her business, especially if she wants you to plan the damn thing.  I hate those mary kay/avon/princess house/pampered chef parties, they pressure you to buy things you don't want, and you buy them anyway just to shut the salesperson up.
    Just say that you appreciate that she wants to do something for you, but you don't a shower, particularly one that you're expected to plan yourself. 
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    Its not rude to decline the shower. It is rude for her to make money off of your shower, and you should not be afraid to tell her so. 2 of my friends offerred to host pampered chef parties for me and I turned them both down for the same reason.

    You should also not plan your own shower. If someone offers to throw one (that is not a fundraising venutre for themselves) the you can accept, but you shouldn't throw yourself one. If no one offers an approriate shower, then you don't have one. Its not the end of the world.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If she is indeed making this "shower" a home sales party, then you have every right to decline the shower.

     It wouldn't be out of line to say "I'm sorry, but I have to decline your offer to host the party.  I'm not comfortable having home sales parties for my friends and family."

    Your friend is overstepping your friendship by doing this.  I'm sorry you're being put into such an awkward position.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    526SadieSadie526SadieSadie
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridal-shower-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6332b680-f342-4635-a29b-204f9e296f0cPost:b564b327-b05b-4a86-b153-2a81076e0ab9">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]If she is indeed making this "shower" a home sales party, then you have every right to decline the shower.  It wouldn't be out of line to say "I'm sorry, but I have to decline your offer to host the party.  I'm not comfortable having home sales parties for my friends and family." <strong>Your friend is overstepping your friendship by doing this.  I'm sorry you're being put into such an awkward position.</strong>
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    This.  Big Time.
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    GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
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    I agree with PP - this is pretty awkward. It's awkward if you sit her down and explain that you don't want your shower turning into a Mary Kay free-for-all (if in fact she wasn't planning to do that at all), and it's awkward if you tell her you don't want it and she gets offended and huffy. Either way, I see this friendship suffering.

    Can you somehow get her to throw it in a restaurant, or a place where it would be really awkward and inappropriate to give out makeovers and demonstrations?

    And I agree with Sadie - I don't like tupperware/avon/pampered chef parties and all that jazz. Although BF's sister had a "shoe" party that I couldn't attend, and when I went to her house the next day, I found a gorgeous Juicy Couture flat that fit me perfectly. The problem was I couldn't find the other. Le Sigh.
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    TerestaTeresta member
    First Comment
    Thanks for the advice everyone, I think I am going to call her and let her know that there is no way FI and I can plan the shower in the amount of time we have left before the wedding and that we don't have the money to spring on another set of invitations and postage.

    If she's still really really set on it after that and will do the planning and everything herself, I'll just politely ask her to limit or not bring up the Mary Kay and explain we have a representative within our family and that we wouldnt want it to be akward for anyone.
    Thanks again for the advice!
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridal-shower-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:6332b680-f342-4635-a29b-204f9e296f0cPost:442dd01c-9f92-4dd1-9ac3-a3d5b32e2bc0">Re: Bridal Shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice everyone, I think I am going to call her and let her know that there is no way FI and I can plan the shower in the amount of time we have left before the wedding and that we don't have the money to spring on another set of invitations and postage.

     If she's still really really set on it after that and will do the planning and everything herself, I'll just politely ask her to limit or not bring up the Mary Kay and explain we have a representative within our family and that we wouldnt want it to be akward for anyone. Thanks again for the advice!
    Posted by Teresta[/QUOTE]

    If that's the case, I'd skip the first paragraph and just go straight to the second.  It's always easier just to start with the truth and not have to back pedal when someone protests.  It's not about the time and/or postage. 

    It's about your not wanting a home shopping party.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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