2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling

beka0404 · August 2010

Question 1: For those who did an A-list and B-list for your invites, how early did you mail your invites to the A-listers? Our RSVP date is 9/25 and the wedding is 10/16. I was planning on mailing them 8/13. What do you think? Should I just get to it and mail them now? I want to give the B-listers enough time to RSVP...

Question 2: For those that hand cancelled their invites, did you pay the $.20/envelope fee? The lady at the counter in the Forest Lake P.O. gave me a lecture when I asked about hand canceling. (My envelopes are written in calligraphy and I used vintage stamps because I am a freeeeeak.) How does the fee work? Do you affix extra postage or does the post office total up the envelopes and charge you that way? Anyone want to talk me out of hand canceling?

Thanks!!

honeybear25 · August 2010

Hey-
I am having an A and B list and am sending out my A invites about 2 and a half months early then B list at one and a half months to give rsvp time but also so it doesn't seem like too much of a gap where people might figure it out

martiac225 · August 2010

So I am new to this A & B list thing...explain please??

laura_fett · August 2010

I'd send out the invites 8 weeks before, and send out B-listers when you get a reject. I didn't have an A/B list, but if I had, that's what I would have done.

When I brought my invites to the USPS, I wasn't told of a $.20 fee for hand canceling, but I had a $.20 fee for my envelopes being "too hard." I did pocketfold invites, and I guess they were not very bendable (obviously), which is why I wanted the hand canceling. For my extra $.20 I had to put two ugly $.10 stamps on there. I wouldn't get the hand canceling just because of the calligraphy and pretty stamps, I would do it if it might wreck the invite. You could also try going to a different Post Office, it seems you can get very different responses sometimes. GL!

esmurphy · August 2010

I did pocket invites also, I went to 2 different post offices one told me I had to hand cancel the other said I didn't. So I mailed my MOH invite early to see how it faired w/o hand canceling it. It went through just fine. The rest went out on Monday and they are all making it no issues. I'm not sure if it matters, but it was a MPLS post office that told me I had to hand cancel and the New Ulm post office told me I didn't. So maybe the 'big city' post offices are more strict.

tpender13 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_2-questions-listb-list-hand-cancelling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:a6c1dc6b-3a56-4a78-9664-0d8f54e8b14fPost:e942d909-670c-4824-9f66-0a8e012f106f">Re: 2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling</a>:
[QUOTE]So I am new to this A & B list thing...explain please??
Posted by martiac225[/QUOTE]

A listers are the people that you're going to invite no matter what, B listers you only invite if there's room, like if a bunch of A listers can't make it.

dcprep · August 2010

You should NOT have to pay a fee for hand canceling. We hand canceled our STDs AND our invites, and we had zero problems. You might want to ask around and see where the "nice" postal workers are.

ehathewa · August 2010

Having an A/B list is extremely rude. Please do not do this.

beka0404 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_2-questions-listb-list-hand-cancelling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:a6c1dc6b-3a56-4a78-9664-0d8f54e8b14fPost:19e7f91a-b83b-441e-9764-3e7a0ae9ca0a">Re: 2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling</a>:
[QUOTE]Having an A/B list is extremely rude. Please do not do this.
Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]

<div>Please don't make assumptions about my reasons for having an A-list/B-list. </div><div>
</div><div>Our guest list is 64 people over capacity for our reception venue, and while we normally would expect 20%(+)of the guests on our 369 person guest list to decline, some recent developments in my fiancé's family - his oldest brother was diagnosed with an acute form of leukemia three weeks ago - have led me to believe that many of our assumed "no" guests will now be "yes" guests because they would like to see my future-brother-in-law, should his cancer become fatal.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I know for a fact that my fiancé and I have been on the B-list of other couples, and I have never been offended. He is from a small town and the social rules are different than suburban/urban norms. In the cases where we were B-listers, I understood that the couples had space limitations at their venues, and I was also aware that extended friendships don't always make the A-list. I was glad to be a part of those celebrations despite any perceived stigma.</div>

emilykathleen511 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_2-questions-listb-list-hand-cancelling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:a6c1dc6b-3a56-4a78-9664-0d8f54e8b14fPost:64ae9668-fd91-4df8-abe7-32373d28e3da">Re: 2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling : Please don't make assumptions about my reasons for having an A-list/B-list. Our guest list is 64 people over capacity for our reception venue, and while we normally would expect 20%(+)of the guests on our 369 person guest list to decline, some recent developments in my fiancé's family - his oldest brother was diagnosed with an acute form of leukemia three weeks ago - have led me to believe that many of our assumed "no" guests will now be "yes" guests because they would like to see my future-brother-in-law, should his cancer become fatal. ETA: I know for a fact that my fiancé and I have been on the B-list of other couples, and I have never been offended. He is from a small town and the social rules are different than suburban/urban norms. In the cases where we were B-listers, I understood that the couples had space limitations at their venues, and I was also aware that extended friendships don't always make the A-list. I was glad to be a part of those celebrations despite any perceived stigma.
Posted by beka0404[/QUOTE]

<div>Your circumstances aren't special. It is still rude.</div>

Steph0871 · August 2010

Emily- if you're going to post around here, you might get more credibility if you do more than only pop in to attack everyone else, just saying.

FWIW, I also think A/B lists are rude, but that's another story and another fight. OP wasn't asking your opinion on whether or not it's a rude idea.

Steph0871 · August 2010

Beka- to answer your questions:

1. I'm ignoring, because I do think it's rude. IF you decide to go through with the A/B lists, just make sure no one knows each other from one list to the other.

2. Let me know what you find out! I thought the extra charge was for "non machinable" ones (like PP said about them being too hard.) I've asked at three different post offices, and they all said no to hand canceling.

I'm not sure I care enough to keep asking at this point.... but if you find one that will let you without hassle, let me know!

beka0404 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_2-questions-listb-list-hand-cancelling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:a6c1dc6b-3a56-4a78-9664-0d8f54e8b14fPost:d2b14d40-9542-4d2b-bb56-9c101a5adf1a">Re: 2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling : Your circumstances aren't special. It is still rude.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

<div>Whether or not you feel it is rude, it stays. I've given your judgement consideration, however my fiancé and I agree that it is more important to allow for a lower decline rate. </div><div>
</div><div>Did we over-invite? Hells yes. My FMIL gave me a 80-person list in January and swore that only 10 of the 80 would show. After sending STDs in February, we received word through the grapevine that most of her list would not be in attendance. We felt safe adding in old friends and such. But in the past three weeks, many of those same people have said that they will be there to support my brother-in-law-to-be. I never said we weren't to blame - we are. It is what it is. We have 305 seats and 369 guests and I'm not comfortable banking on 64 declines. Hopefully 64 people secretly think we're lepers and will say no. Everyone wins. Wooooo.</div><div>
</div><div>Steph - We've grouped groups of friends and such together, so in theory no one should be the wiser. Thanks for the advice though!</div>

emilykathleen511 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_2-questions-listb-list-hand-cancelling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:a6c1dc6b-3a56-4a78-9664-0d8f54e8b14fPost:bdfc0406-fce1-4ab8-8330-a70d1c20da91">Re: 2 Questions: A list/B list & hand cancelling</a>:
[QUOTE]Emily- if you're going to post around here, you might get more credibility if you do more than only pop in to attack everyone else, just saying. FWIW, I also think A/B lists are rude, but that's another story and another fight. OP wasn't asking your opinion on whether or not it's a rude idea.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

<div>I've given LOTS of positive advice/vendor references over time. And I use them myself. I was just reading the flowers post looking at some of the florist recs. And just the other day I posted on the officiant post with the link to the Washington County officiants.</div>

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