weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?

ShannonRaindrop · December 2012

It obviously needs to be after everyone gets off work and they need time to get there (about 40 minutes for most guests). What time is good for a weekday wedding that still allows time for a fun reception? I don't want the party to end super early but I also get that people have to work the next day. What time should the whole thing be over? The ceremony will be pretty short.

Also, kids are welcome so what do I do with them during the reception? Provide a babysitter or just an activity area? I want the parents to feel like they can stay late and not have to worry about their kids.

misssunshine17 · December 2012

Honestly, I would attend a wedding before 6:30pm on a work day. I think with a 40 minute travel time, I wouldn't start before 7pm and I would leave right after dinner on a week day. Sorry, OP, probably not the answer you're looking.

As for the kids, I know many parents wouldn't leave their children with a random babysitter. I think you can leave it to them if they want to get a babysitter. Having coloring books or something would be cute.

HobokensFury · December 2012

Sorry I've got nothing. I wouldn't drive 30 minutes to attend a weekday wedding. No matter how you want to invision it a weekday weeding is not going to be the fun party reception that you are looking for.

As for the kids I would hope parents would be smart enough to not bring their kids out late on a school night.

ShannonRaindrop · December 2012

Seriously? So if your good friend or a close family member gets married you won't go...just because it's 30 or 40 minutes away? (which btw is not that bad for my area, we have to drive that far to get ANYwhere)

and to Misssunshine 17...isn't it considered rude to eat and run and not stay for at least the cake cutting?

I should have mentioned that my wedding is small (about 40 people, not including kids, and is informal)

AddieCake · December 2012

I would try to make it, but I wouldn't stay late at all. One of my cousins got married on a Friday night about 6, and it was a rush to try to get there because I worked about 45 minutes from my place, so I not only had the drive from work to home, but then I had to get ready and drive to the wedding. Once there, though, it was fine because I didn't have to work the next day. Is there a reason you need a weekday and not at least a Friday? Some people have to work weekends, so you can't necessarily please everyone, but I think it is hard on people to have to get there after work AND have to get up the next morning.

misssunshine17 · December 2012

Shannon, if the bride and groom choose to have a wedding 40 minutes away and on a week night, they run the risk of people not attending and leaving early. For the record, leaving before cake cutting is not rude, it's realistic in this situation. You're not going to get the party atmosphere you're looking for. I agree with Addie, could you at least try for a Friday?

ShannonRaindrop · December 2012

my fiance picked the day and is dead set on it, its a significant day for him and the only part of the wedding he is insisting on. Im not really too worried about people not showing up as my friends are partiers and it's not uncommon for us to all go out on a weekday for drinks. I really just want to know what the timeline should look like. Ceremony at 6:30 or is 7pm better? With reception immediately following in the same location. Then how long does a reception usually last? What happens when? This is my second wedding so you'd think I'd know these things but that was 15 years ago and my first wedding was formal and super uptight, lol. This time around I want a much more relaxed and fun atmosphere with dancing and drinking as the highlight.

HobokensFury · December 2012

In Response to Re: weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?:
[QUOTE]Seriously? So if your good friend or a close family member gets married you won't go...just because it's 30 or 40 minutes away? (which btw is not that bad for my area, we have to drive that far to get ANYwhere) and to Misssunshine 17...isn't it considered rude to eat and run and not stay for at least the cake cutting? I should have mentioned that my wedding is small (about 40 people, not including kids, and is informal)
Posted by ShannonRaindrop[/QUOTE]

No I wouldn't. The only person I would even consider it for would be my sister. And you better believe I'd tell her that her plan was selfish and inconsiderate.

misssunshine17 · December 2012

Posted by ShannonRaindrop[/QUOTE] No I wouldn't. The only person I would even consider it for would be my sister. And you better believe I'd tell her that her plan was selfish and inconsiderate.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

This. OP, we don't say this to be mean, but to be honest about your expectations. Your friends and family might seem oay with it, but it's because they want to spare your feelings.

ETA: I would say ceremony 7-7:30, dinner at 8:00. Dinner later than 8pm to me is crazy and inconsiderate.

QueerFemme · December 2012

You would have to be one of my best friends for me to attend a weekday wedding. If you insist on a weekday wedding, I'd do the ceremony at 7pm. I'd make sure you take all of your pictures in advance of the ceremony, and go directly from the ceremon to reception. Even then, expect most of your guests to leave by 9 or 9:30. It will likely feel pretty rushed.

Avion22 · December 2012

I think 7 is probably the earliest you should start. I would do my best to stay until 10, but that's pushing it for a weeknight. It will help if the ceremony and reception are in the same location. That way, with a short ceremony, you can move straight into a short cocktail period (maybe 30 minutes) and start dinner no later than 8. You can do dinner and cake, with maybe a first dance and toasts, all before 9:30. I, personally, would try to stay until the cake was cut, but no later than about 10pm. If you co cake-cutting by 9:30 then those who have early mornings can leave, and those who want to stay can stay.

How late is your venue letting you stay? Even on a weekend, we had to stop the music by 11:00 (noise ordnance) and have everything out of the venue by 12:00.

ShannonRaindrop · December 2012

Thanks Avion22, that looks like a doable timeline. We can stay until 11pm and have the place for 12 hours. The ceremony will be 15-20 minutes tops, start to finish. I was thinking of offering cocktails and appetizers before the ceremony as well as after to be able to start the dinner a little earlier. And we'll get all our pictures done earlier in the day so that time is not taken up during the reception.

random4180 · December 2012

I think a lot of this goes into knowing your crowd. My H and I got married on a Wed. We cleared it with VIPs and had our ceremony at 3:30. Everything was wrapped up by 9 and my new H and I were back in our hotel room (40 minutes away) by 10:30. We had a cocktail hour, dinner, dancing, and an open bar (which was totally utilized, weekday or not.) We did this for a few reasons but the primary one was money. We had the wedding we wanted and could afford and sent out invites to those who we hoped could make it but really didn't hold it against them if they chose not to. We had about 106 of our 170 guest list come, which was perfect.

Many people in our guest list were teachers and students (including my father, my sister, two of my brothers, four nieces, a nephew, his mother and sister- we got married in the summer so they were off from school,) doctors, nurses, and EMTs (who have 24/7 hours and actually find it easier to get off on a weekday than a weekend- this included my mother, another sister, and one of my other brothers,) and retired people (including his great aunt and uncle) who tend to have more flexible schedules. We sent out STDs eight months in advance so people could plan for it if they wanted to.

I knew my crowd and knew our budget and knew our options (we live in NYC and weddings regularly cost in the 65-75k range) and rush hour on a weekday will start around 4 in NYC and go until 7! Starting any later had a greater risk of people getting stuck in traffic. It was something that definitely worked for us but it's not for everyone, just like a JOP wedding isn't for everyone. A lot of people will shoot down a weekday wedding but not all people are the same. We didn't want the kind of wedding that lasted the whole weekend and had an afterparty. That simply wasn't us.

Many people here would veto a weekday wedding but that would be their prerogative to do so if invited. It's not a summons, no one has to go to a wedding. My brother's wedding had a Friday rehearsal dinner that started at 5PM three hours away from NYC (I couldn't make it,) a ceremony without enough seating, a reception that ran out of booze by 11, and a Sunday brunch that didn't really have a vegan option (although the reception vegan option was great!) I went and still had a good time but plenty of things about that were not the most convenient for me.

Once you accept the invite, then it is up to the couple to host you properly once you get there. To me, that's the bottom line. Before that, it's ithe guest's decision and nothing about having a weekday wedding is inherently "rude." People make decisions regarding weekday commitments all the time- dinner out, an evening sports event. drinks with friends. I think it's not a great idea to expect to have an after party when you get married on a Tuesday but with realistic expectations a weekday wedding is a perfectly viable option.

ShannonRaindrop · December 2012

thank you Random4180. I knew there had to be someone out there that had a weekday wedding that worked out well. I agree about knowing your crowd and I know mine will be just fine with a Tuesday (especially with a hosted bar, lol). I definitely don't need the after party or a weekend wedding.

Barbiiieee · December 2012

You have a super small guest list, so I would just ask your guests what kind of timeline works best for them.

It probably just depends. Do you have a lot of young friends who might work service type jobs? Students or teachers who get out earlier than 5? You also have a while to go... will your guests be willing to take a 1/2 day or a day off to attend? I know I have a big family, but 40 people would pretty much be our nearest and dearest, and that might be your case, so it would probably work for you.

We're having a holiday wedding. I think for some people it would be weird, and some people would say they wouldn't attend. When we first started thinking about the date, we asked our VIPS and everyone seemed SUPER excited about it. A good portion of our guest list are either college students or in the education field, and will already have time off for winter break and will either already be in town because of that, or will be able to travel a bit easier because of it. We also are sending our STDs out in a couple of weeks to give ample notice. I think it is just important to work it out with your guests and give them PLENTY of time to plan. Good luck!

kmmssg · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_weekday-wedding-what-time-should-ceremony-start-what-to-do-with-kids-during-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f6f5eab0-75a6-42ef-8b8c-e08332c3318bPost:18e13351-9fab-4ad8-939f-5c2623e1457c">Re: weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think 7 is probably the earliest you should start. I would do my best to stay until 10, but that's pushing it for a weeknight. It will help if the ceremony and reception are in the same location. That way, with a short ceremony, you can move straight into a short cocktail period (maybe 30 minutes) and start dinner no later than 8. You can do dinner and cake, with maybe a first dance and toasts, all before 9:30. I, personally, would try to stay until the cake was cut, but no later than about 10pm. If you co cake-cutting by 9:30 then those who have early mornings can leave, and those who want to stay can stay. How late is your venue letting you stay? Even on a weekend, we had to stop the music by 11:00 (noise ordnance) and have everything out of the venue by 12:00.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ditto Avion, but also remember with this timeline, no one is going to bring their kids to this on a school night. I'm one of those who would not attend and my alarm goes off at 4 :30 am for work. I would wish you well and send a gift, but the depth of my friendship is not defined by whether or not I attend your wedding or stay for your cake cutting.

</div>

MrsGandthebeag · December 2012

It really depends on who you were and what else was going on work related as to whether I'd come or not. That being said, I work in a school, so I'd prefer the ceremony start at 5 or 5:30 so it would be over sooner. I'm typically in bed by 9:30.

NYCMercedes · December 2012

Can you start earlier, rather than later? With advance notice, I can sometimes get off work early. If I left at five, I would be ready for the ceremony at six, eat and party, and then gone by ten. Have fun!

misssunshine17 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_weekday-wedding-what-time-should-ceremony-start-what-to-do-with-kids-during-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f6f5eab0-75a6-42ef-8b8c-e08332c3318bPost:eb5c15b0-8f94-4cd5-9477-6b4833355756">Re: weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Can you start earlier, rather than later? With advance notice, I can sometimes get off work early. If I left at five, I would be ready for the ceremony at six, eat and party, and then gone by ten. Have fun!</strong>
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

<div>My issue with this is that I think it's very presumptuous to have a ceremony early (ie- before 6pm... 5pm out of work, plus 40 minute drive to location) and assume guests are okay with taking time off. I understand that most of the time weekday weddings are cheaper but if it's inconvenient for the guests and costs them on their end (missing work), that's not cool. </div>

misssunshine17 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_weekday-wedding-what-time-should-ceremony-start-what-to-do-with-kids-during-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f6f5eab0-75a6-42ef-8b8c-e08332c3318bPost:eb5c15b0-8f94-4cd5-9477-6b4833355756">Re: weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Can you start earlier, rather than later? With advance notice, I can sometimes get off work early. If I left at five, I would be ready for the ceremony at six, eat and party, and then gone by ten. Have fun!</strong>
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

<div>My issue with this is that I think it's very presumptuous to have a ceremony early (ie- before 6pm... 5pm out of work, plus 40 minute drive to location) and assume guests are okay with taking time off. I understand that most of the time weekday weddings are cheaper but if it's inconvenient for the guests and costs them on their end (missing work), that's not cool. </div>

NOLAbridealmost · December 2012

Oy.....I would be home by 10 for a weekday wedding. That said, I would probably be fine with getting off work about an hour early to get there for a 6-6:30 ceremony.

In terms of the leaving before the cake....that's not rude. It's also not rude to have a weekday wedding. Just understand that if you exercise your prerogative to have a weekday wedding, many of your guests may exercise their prerogative to leave early (before the cake cutting). If it's a risk you're willing to take.....then go for it.

Personally, I don't think your FI is being reasonable. If the only reason for the inconvenient date is because he's attached to it (and not because of budget or other considerations), then honestly, I'd be doubting whether or not this is the kind of guy who can make mature decisions.

That's just my two cents though.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I think the obvious solution is to move to a Friday or Sunday though....which is often just an inexpensive if that's a factor you're considering.

ShannonRaindrop · December 2012

OMG, I simply asked for what time the ceremony should start. I never asked for anyone's opinion on what day of the week is best for a wedding. Im 40 years old, my FI is 47, we have a baby together and he's raising my daughter as if she were his own, I'm pretty sure he's mature enough to make decisions. It's no one's business why we chose a Tuesday. I've polled my friends and family and they all say a Tuesday is fine and there's no way they are missing it...it's no different then if they were going out to a nice dinner on a weekday. A lot of us get together for drinks during the week and stay out later than that. My first wedding was huge, formal, and on a Saturday and half my guests RSVP'd no for that one, so really it's a crap shoot.

Thank you to the ladies that actually answered my question.

NOLAbridealmost · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_weekday-wedding-what-time-should-ceremony-start-what-to-do-with-kids-during-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f6f5eab0-75a6-42ef-8b8c-e08332c3318bPost:98ed04a7-4e05-4308-aca2-a4d287d92244">Re: weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG, I simply asked for what time the ceremony should start. I never asked for anyone's opinion on what day of the week is best for a wedding. Im 40 years old, my FI is 47, we have a baby together and he's raising my daughter as if she were his own, I'm pretty sure he's mature enough to make decisions. It's no one's business why we chose a Tuesday. I've polled my friends and family and they all say a Tuesday is fine and there's no way they are missing it...it's no different then if they were going out to a nice dinner on a weekday. A lot of us get together for drinks during the week and stay out later than that. My first wedding was huge, formal, and on a Saturday and half my guests RSVP'd no for that one, so really it's a crap shoot. Thank you to the ladies that actually answered my question.
Posted by ShannonRaindrop[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_weekday-wedding-what-time-should-ceremony-start-what-to-do-with-kids-during-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f6f5eab0-75a6-42ef-8b8c-e08332c3318bPost:2cc9c640-3910-495c-96ab-b22ae8dbbc40">Re: weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>my fiance picked the day and is dead set on it, its a significant day for him and the only part of the wedding he is insisting on.</strong> Im not really too worried about people not showing up as my friends are partiers and it's not uncommon for us to all go out on a weekday for drinks. I really just want to know what the timeline should look like. Ceremony at 6:30 or is 7pm better? With reception immediately following in the same location. Then how long does a reception usually last? What happens when? This is my second wedding so you'd think I'd know these things but that was 15 years ago and my first wedding was formal and super uptight, lol. This time around I want a much more relaxed and fun atmosphere with dancing and drinking as the highlight.
Posted by ShannonRaindrop[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>1) I actually did answer your questions (minus the babysitting part...) and suggested 6-6:30 for ceremony start and 10 for the end time. </div><div>
</div><div>2) Millions of people have kids but still lack basic maturity....so not sure what you're trying to say there. </div><div>
</div><div>3) If your friends get together late on weekdays, THAT'S FINE! We all said that you run the risk of people leaving early or not coming, but if you know your crowd and it's not an issue then more power to you. </div><div>
</div><div>4) You are the one who said that the only reason for a Tuesday is because your FI insisted on it because it's "important to him." You gave no reasons why it's important and gave no explanation of any pragmatic considerations that went into making that choice. Frankly, yes, it's a really immature decision to inconvenience a bunch of people unless you have a more compelling reason than "Well, FI likes this date on the calendar."

</div>

ShannonRaindrop · December 2012

I said the date was significant to him, I did not specify why as it's not relevant to my question and is no one's business. And I appreciate your answer to my question but the comment about my FI was unnecessary and unkind.

"then honestly, I'd be doubting whether or not this is the kind of guy who can make mature decisions."

You implied that my FI is not mature enough to make decisions, you also imply that I should have doubts about marrying "this kind of guy". My statement about how he is raising my daughter was to inform you, a complete stranger that knows nothing about him, that he is in fact mature. If he was immature he would not have accepted her as his own.

Really, I had NO idea that having a weekday wedding would invoke such hostility from people I don't even know.

libby2483 · December 2012

I think that 6:00-10:00 would probably be the best timeline. Like PPs have said, you need to be prepared for the fact that many people will choose not to attend. But, it sounds like you know your crowd, and many of them will be fine with a weekday wedding. I would attend a weekday wedding if it were local, but I probably wouldn't stay very late unless it was an extremely close friend or family member.

Barbiiieee · December 2012

I absolutely do not mean this in a rude way, but if you polled your guests to see if they would be available on a weekday, why don't you just poll them to see what time of day works best for them? I assume none of us are invited, so our opinions aren't really relevant to you on this particular issue.

mweber74 · December 2012

I'm having a Friday night wedding, just into Memorial Day Weekend. I have guests coming from out of town. We're turning it into a holiday wedding weekend. Ceremony is at 6. Cocktails and aps at 6:30. Dinner at 8. Can't help on the kids though because only the 3 in the wedding (who are family) are invited. Invitation says adult only reception.

OwningAHome1981 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_weekday-wedding-what-time-should-ceremony-start-what-to-do-with-kids-during-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:f6f5eab0-75a6-42ef-8b8c-e08332c3318bPost:832f9439-9c03-42c5-bae8-0ea87f1085b9">Re: weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would not go to a wedding during the week. With my type of schedule that means I would have to take a day off. Granted, I have no problem taking off a Friday for a very close friend or family member for a Friday/Saturday wedding. I would not take time off in the middle of the week for a wedding. I have been to at least one wedding where I know guests left before the cake was cut. I do not see that as being rude.
Posted by snippet17[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't go either. Even friday weddings are tough. I don't get out of work til 8pm. Never could make a Friday wedding. I once went to a Sunday night wedding and it was a drag b/c I had to leave early for work.

RamonaFlowers · December 2012

For anybody that's curious about the "importance" of the date, I just checked OP's bio. It's 11/12/13.

I seriously cannot wait for December 13, 2015 so this stupid "I NEED TO GET MARRIED ON THIS TOTALLY YOU-NEEK DATE" trend can die a fiery death already.

Most people aren't going to go to a week day/night wedding unless it's for a sibling or their very bestest friend in the whole wide world, because they have to do things like go to work.

Also? Where I come from it's typical for the cake cutting to go down an hour before the reception ends. I'm not sure if other places do it during different times, but I can assure you, there's absolutely nothing rude about ducking out before 10pm on a work/school night ... but it's pretty darn rude to expect people to stay that late.

Dreamergirl8812 · December 2012

I'm going to have a Thursday wedding at 4:30. There will be less than 50 people. Many are close family who will come from out of town and are coming for a couple of days (taking work off anyway). And only people we're close to are invited. Basically, if they mean enough to me to be invited, I mean enough to them to alter their schedule. But I won't be surprised or offended if people can't make it. Do what you want. Many venues won't let you book a Friday or Saturday night with less than 100 or 150 people.

weekday wedding, what time should ceremony start? what to do with kids during reception?

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