Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal shower hosting drama hellllllllllllllllllllllp!

A while back my FMIL told me she wanted to throw a shower  i accepted . Yesterday , she told one of my BM to contact the others to ask for $150 each for the  shower.  Only 3 of my bm live in town the other two will have to travel and are going through life issue's i think its  wrong to call  and say you know that shower you won't be attending well its going to cost your $150. Also, Since she  asked me i assued she was paying for it  not planning with the pockets of others.


Help tell me how to handle this and remember i am not supposed to know this my BM  just happend to inform me .

Re: Bridal shower hosting drama hellllllllllllllllllllllp!

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    If I were your BM, I'd say, "Danni's FMIL, I'll happily be able to contribute $X but I can't afford to do more than that.  I'll ask the other BMs if they're able to contribute as well."

    She can also say, "Danni's FMIL, I'm sorry but I'm just not able to contribute to the shower."

    If I were you, I'd stay out of it though.  FMIL was out of line but this isn't your battle.
  • edited December 2011
    Yep, I agree with Banana.  You're the bride, you need to stay out of it.  I think that your FMIL is in the wrong for sure though.  You can suggest to BM that she need not feel obligated to contribute to a shower, and nor should the other BM's.
  • edited December 2011
    ooo to make it better i just found out she meant 100 for the gift  and 150 for he shower!!!!!!!!!!!! 250 she is crazy !  Thank you for all the advise i decided to tell my moh and let them argue  lol
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, that's so not cool of the FMIL!!  I agree; definitely encourage all of your BMs to say no/offer what they can.  What on earth is this gift?  And how big is this shower?
  • edited December 2011
    I agree you should stay out of it, or at least try to.  If she offered to throw you a party she should be shelling out most of the money....if she needed financial help i could see her asking  the BM's if they could help but not demanding that they contribute....and $150 for the party each, which  is wayyyyyy too much money.  Does she plan on hiring a private stripper or something? lol Ya so anyway try to keep out of it if you can.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Retread, I'm going to disagree with you.  Unless FMIL tells the bride what's going on, I think the BMs should handle it. 
  • edited December 2011
    Really?  At her age she should definitely know that if you offer to host a party - you're doing just that - hosting!  I would have a chat with her and explain that to her and say "I don't think it's fair to ask BMs to pay for a party they aren't actually helping to host.  If you would like them to help you, then they would also get say in the costs and decisions going in to the shower."
  • edited December 2011
    I'm all about following the rules...mostly.  But I think I'd have to get involved here.  At the very least, call each and every bridesmaid and tell them NO.....DON'T DO IT!!!!  I DON'T WANT THIS!!!!

    But, I also think that you are a grown woman who is going to be related to this woman for a really long time.  If she gets away with this now, she will think it is an ok way to treat people...and it is NOT!!!  Perhaps your FH can get involved.  He can go to HIS mother and tell her he caught wind of this and it is NOT cool and she needs to rethink the plans and call back the demand.

    Someone needs to talk to her.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    I think Muffin's Mom has the right idea.   See if it can be handled behind the scenes.  Then if someone needs to get involved, I'd say it needs to be your FI - but he speaks for BOTH of you.

  • ledmond79ledmond79 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sit down and talk to her and explain it. Inform that you really didn't expect to pay but if she is requiring you pay $150.00 for the wedding than thats fine. As far as the gift is concerned, no ma'am. That is being greedy. You decide the gift that you want to buy and how much you want to spend. There are rules and ettique involed. Good luck
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Where I live, shower hosts bring a dish to share, and they put the food on the dining room table of  MOH's house, and the shower is considered the MOH + BMs gift to the bride.

    No one needs to contribute nor spend $150 for anything.  Each person brings pasta salad or brownies or something like that.  Certainly not worth $150.

    No one contributes anything to any other gift to the bride.  The shower IS the gift.

    I would talk to your officiant, and then schedule a meeting with you, FI, your parents, and FI's parents so that the officiant can re-direct your group back to the real reasons and foundations under this wedding. 
  • m1schlueterm1schlueter member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All I can say is...I feel so sorry for you! This is a terrible position to be in.
  • edited December 2011
    You said you are not supposed to know this so  If my BM came to me and said " I need help FMIL has gone nuts" I would step in If she was just telling you and said she would deal with it stay out and don't ask about it anymore
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