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FMIL's contribution

Arayx2Arayx2 member
Third Anniversary 100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My FMIL has offered to pay for our photographer and for the reception hall. This is a big contribution to help us with our wedding. However, my parents are no help at all. I am not complaining because they have serious issues and I have already realized we were going to have to pay for most of it ourselves.

My question is; My FMIL has offered again to pay for the Rehersal dinner but I feel terrible letting her pay for anything else since my parents are not helping with anything. I do not want to offend her but she is going above and beyond already.

How should I approach her? Or should I let her pay and say thank you!
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Re: FMIL's contribution

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Take her up on the offer and say thank you






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Milsey32Milsey32
    1000 Comments
    FI and I would definitely appreciate all the help we could get! -- If she's offering, I would say yes! [:
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  • hlq2011hlq2011
    1000 Comments
    She offered; take that as a sign that she wants to help you out.  Graciously accept.
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    It's great that she offered to help out so much.

    I'd accept and say thank you
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  • CassieeKCassieeK
    500 Comments
    If she didn't want to help, I don't think she would have offered. I would thank her and accept.
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  • slwagerslwager
    100 Comments
    accept and let her know how deeply grateful you are.  it's not a contest between parents.  just embrace her thoughfulness
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Ditto the others.  My parents paid for a large chunk of our wedding, and they offered what they wanted to offer and were comfortable with.  The fact that MIL didn't pay for anything had no bearing on what they offered.
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  • Arayx2Arayx2 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-contribution?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e98738c-ed24-4730-8c67-9bf2ec11e429Post:112b50ec-b47f-4490-8ca5-841e5cec73ce">Re: FMIL's contribution</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto the others.  <strong>My parents paid for a large chunk of our wedding, and they offered what they wanted to offer and were comfortable with.  The fact that MIL didn't pay for anything had no bearing on what they offered.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
    </strong>
    True. Very true. I just feel bad. Would it be rude to accept but say "Let's split this cost" instead of having her front the entire bill?
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-contribution?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e98738c-ed24-4730-8c67-9bf2ec11e429Post:d98a9ca2-49b6-4f48-a76a-8741c32840cb">Re: FMIL's contribution</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL's contribution : True. Very true. I just feel bad. Would it be rude to accept but say "Let's split this cost" instead of having her front the entire bill?
    Posted by Arayx2[/QUOTE]

    <div>Just think, if she didn't want to offer it, then she wouldn't.  And she might really want to do this since traditionally it is the groom's parents who do the RD.  You could offer to split it with her when you accept, but I honestly wouldn't.  Just accept the offer and be grateful.</div>
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Why do you feel bad?  Is it possible that she's been saving up to help you guys with your wedding?  Talk with your FI. 
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  • Hatsumomo7Hatsumomo7
    10 Comments
    Accept the offer but make sure she knows before hand that your parents aren't able to match her contribution. This way she has the ability to decide as to whether she wants to go all out and help or just help as much as she feels she needs to.
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  • Arayx2Arayx2 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    My FI is all for it but his mom has done soooo much for us our entire relationship and recently  I have been burned my parents. They owe me over $2,000.00 and while I never expected wedding help, I just feel like my FMIL is stepping up in their place and she shouldn't have to do that.

    Does that make any sort of sense? Lol.
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  • b0710b0710 member
    100 Comments
    Unless you have a crazy amount of money (like millions), why would you feel so bad if someone wants to help out?  I have a hard time accepting things for myself sometimes, but I love giving gifts to others.  I say if she wants to help you out, graciously accept and worry about less to pay for yourself.
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-contribution?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e98738c-ed24-4730-8c67-9bf2ec11e429Post:8163c0f9-5d82-4407-9e33-efe66e9bc500">Re: FMIL's contribution</a>:
    [QUOTE]Accept the offer but make sure she knows before hand that your parents aren't able to match her contribution. This way she has the ability to decide as to whether she wants to go all out and help or just help as much as she feels she needs to.
    Posted by Hatsumomo7[/QUOTE]

    Why should what her parents give have any bearing on what FMIL is planning on giving?  It's not like she went to OP and said "I'm going to pay for the rehearsal dinner and the photographer but only if your parents are paying for something else of equal cost."
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-contribution?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e98738c-ed24-4730-8c67-9bf2ec11e429Post:39069d0e-1a69-4e1d-89ce-6bc13206e805">Re: FMIL's contribution</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI is all for it but his mom has done soooo much for us our entire relationship and recently  I have been burned my parents. They owe me over $2,000.00 and while I never expected wedding help, I just feel like my FMIL is stepping up in their place and she shouldn't have to do that. Does that make any sort of sense? Lol.
    Posted by Arayx2[/QUOTE]

    <div>Stop trying to compare the 2 situations though.  She doesn't NEED to step up, and she knows that.  Just let it go, and accept her offer, especially if your FI is fine with it.  Just get her a nice TY gift for everything she's done for you.</div>
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-contribution?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e98738c-ed24-4730-8c67-9bf2ec11e429Post:8163c0f9-5d82-4407-9e33-efe66e9bc500">Re: FMIL's contribution</a>:
    [QUOTE]Accept the offer but make sure she knows before hand that your parents aren't able to match her contribution. This way she has the ability to decide as to whether she wants to go all out and help or just help as much as she feels she needs to.
    Posted by Hatsumomo7[/QUOTE]

    I don't think that you need to tell your FMIL about your mother's non-contribution.  Wedding costs do not need to be shared evenly between families. 
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  • Arayx2Arayx2 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    Thanks Ladies!! I will gracefully accept but make sure she knows it is appreciated and get her a hell of a gift :)

    I appreciate the advice :)
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  • Karen's MOHKaren's MOH
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    It's possible she does know your parents can't help, and that is why she wants to help extra. Either way, I'd accept any help she offeres-- it's not like you asked, she offered. That's really nice of her to make the offer.
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