Dealing with a Bridezilla

WPOdl12 · February 2012

Help! To make a long story short: I have been friends with the bride since 8th grade; she asked me to be her MOH and I said yes. She decided to have a destination wedding in Aruba and I (stupidly) agreed to go, knowing that she wasn't going to pay for anything, such as hotel, place ticket, etc AND knowing how expensive Aruba is. But I thought, "awesome, a wedding and a vacation all in one!" She asked me to go back in September; fast forward to the beginning of January, and after thinking about the fact that I would basically be BROKE after attending her wedding, I decided that I needed to back out of going.

When I told her, of course was upset and SUPER pissed off and wanted to end the friendship, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I was willing to risk her not wanting to be friends. So she decided she didn't want to be friends; I completely understood and told her that. And I accepted and made peace with losing the friendship.

Fast forward to the middle of January, and all of sudden, she is texting me again, adding me BACK on FB after blocking me, and asking me to be her MOH again. She tells me that they have decided to hold the wedding in her hometown now. I am from out of town, about 9 hours away. Anyway, even though I made peace with not being friends, she did rearrange her whole wedding for ME, so I agree to be her MOH again.

Fast forward to NOW: I am currently out of the country for the next two and a half weeks for work and super stressed out, missing home and my own BF like crazy and she is acting like a complete Bridezilla. She is demanding that I send her emails with cute little wedding ideas, demanding I plan her bachelorette party, etc. First of all, I am broke. Why would she assume that I can afford to fly or drive to her hometown TWICE (once for the bachelorette party and then two weeks later for the wedding)? Second of all, I am out of the country! How can I be at her beck and call 24/7 with a 5 hour time difference? Third, honesty, I had accepted the fact that we were not friends and was fine with it and I agreed to be her MOH again because she switched her wedding destination just for me. And fourt, I am not really wanting to go out of my way, spend money coming 9 hours to her hometown TWICE for someone who is acting like that. And any idea that I have had so far has been shut down very rudely. For example, she asked me for a bachelorette party idea, I gave her one, and she sends me a nasty email the next day saying that EVERYONE does that for their bachelorette party. WTF?!

It's at the point where I really don't think I want to be friends with her after this whole thing is over, I don't EVER want her in my own wedding if I have one, and I am totally regretting agreeing to be her MOH the second time around. What should I do? I know if I write her an email or talk to her about my feelings, she will just get super bitchy, call me a bad friend, and tell me that I am "up my boyfriend's butt." All things she has said to me in the past by the way.

Should I just bail AGAIN??

Sorry so long!

calliopeia2013 · February 2012

Wow, it sounds like the bride in question is a terrible friend. If you honestly don't plan on being friends with her after the wedding, which based on her behavior I would completely understand, I see no reason to continue letting her mistreat you until her wedding. It's friendship-ending either way; why put up with more of her abuse?

ETA: In case that wasn't clear, I think you should drop out of the wedding. And politely but firmly tell her why. ("I understand that your wedding is important to you, but it doesn't give you the right to harass me, demand that I buy you things, etc. And it doesn't make me a bad friend to not just lie down and give you anything you want, no matter how ridiculous.")

Maggie0829 · February 2012

How do you know she changed her whole wedding around just for you? Did she tell you that or did she and her FI just decide to not have a DW anymore?

It made complete sense why you backed out the first time...you realized you couldn't afford it. She was mean and rude to want to end the friendship...you were being honest with her and instead of accepting it (like friends should) she treated you like crap.

As to why you accepted a second time I do not know.

As a MOH or BM all you are required to do is buy the dress and show up the day of the wedding. You should not be helping her plan her wedding or emailing her "cute wedding ideas." If she wants help then she should ask the man she is marrying. Also, it is extremely rude of her to demand that you plan her bach party. If someone wants to throw one for her great, but it does not have to be you.

To me it sounds like you could really care less about being this persons friend. So if you are ready to no longer talk to her (which you were fine with the first time around) then I would back out.

brittanymauricio · February 2012

I would gently tell her you will be out of touch until you return home. Then maybe have another conversation explaining the financial stress this is putting on you, and that perhaps it would be better to have someone else step up...surely she has other friends. Also, I have been a MOH 3 times. I'm wondering why you assume you have to take on all the financial responsibilty of parties...does she have other bridesmaid? Either way, this isn't healthy for you. Tell her you love her, you appreciate her asking, but you'll be unable to fulfill your MOH duties, and call a spade a spade.

LittleMissCutiePie · February 2012

Why did you agree again? Did she specifically say she changed it for you?

MairePoppy · February 2012

I don't believe she changed her wedding plans just for you. She probably found out that no one else could afford her DW. I think you were conned.

Tell the bride that you can only afford to go to her hometown for her actual wedding - if you are even willing to do that - and that it will have to be up to someone else to plan the bp or showers. Don't be surprised if she ditches you again.

Or you can be honest with her. Tell her you are stepping down because she is expecting more of you than you are willing to give.

sister2groom · February 2012

I also don't believe she changed her wedding plans just for you, and if she did, that's just odd, considering you had a pretty fractured relationship when she made that decision, that decision is not on you.

I think you need to be firm with what you can't do. If you can't afford to attend, much less plan a bachelorette don't give ideas of ones you can throw. If you can't answer her right away, don't. If she kicks up a fuss tell her you just can't do it.

Don't write an email about the way you feel, emails in tense situations rarely go well. But do call her. If you talk to her about your feelings and she rudely shuts you down, that's her problem. It doesn't mean you should say nothing. And as far as her talking behind your back, I think most reasonable people understand that talking behind someone's back usually reflects worse on the person saying those things than on the person being discussed.

B&K10+13+12 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-a-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ef7fdf06-159c-4a7b-b42f-d494651cf9dcPost:f3849a5c-8391-46be-a807-2f70388bdaed">Dealing with a Bridezilla</a>:
[QUOTE]. because she switched her wedding destination <strong>just for me</strong>. Posted by WPOdl12[/QUOTE]

This is extremely manipulative. If I were in your situation, I would do myself a huge favor and just cut this crazy woman out of my life ASAP.

WPOdl12 · February 2012

When I told her I couldn't go the first time, she told me if I had told her at the beginning that I couldn't afford her DW, then they would of had the wedding in her hometown. Then when she was begging me to come back, she indicated that they were "considering" changing the wedding destination IF I agreed to be her MOH. So I felt guilty for saying No again and felt bad that she didn't really have any other close friends to be in her wedding party besides her brother's GF and a girl from work. And I thought that it would be a lot cheaper to just travel to another state, stay with my parents (I am oriniginally from that area) and buy a dress rather than spend 500 bucks on a flight to Aruba and pay 200 ish a night for a hotel.

Now that she is demanding the bachelorette party, it's turning into another huge expense. My plan is to tell her when I get back to the States that I can't attend the bachelorette party and see what she says. If she threatens to kick me out of the wedding party, I will say "fine" and be done, and ignore her calls/texts WHEN (not if) she starts calling me a week later to beg me to be her MOH again.

kaitlyn&henry · February 2012

no bride should ever demand you throwing parties or being her slave to "help" her. If thats how she regards you as a friend maybe you should reconsider and back out

mbody · February 2012

Oh common, do you actually believe she changed her entire wedding around just for you? I doubt it- especially after she dropped you like a bad habit when you couldn't afford her DW. She is manipulating you and sounds like a terrible, awful, horrendous friend.

I wouldn't plan a single party for this girl even if you use $100 bills as toilet paper.

How are you not pissed she was so willing to end a friendship because you were unable to attend her DW due to financial hardship?!

Jaridds68 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-a-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ef7fdf06-159c-4a7b-b42f-d494651cf9dcPost:85b91f3c-8b4b-466c-9219-0eeb1ac68d4f">Re: Dealing with a Bridezilla</a>:
[QUOTE]When I told her I couldn't go the first time, she told me if I had told her at the beginning that I couldn't afford her DW, then they would of had the wedding in her hometown. <strong>Then when she was begging me to come back, she indicated that they were "considering" changing the wedding destination IF I agreed to be her MOH</strong>. So I felt guilty for saying No again and felt bad that she didn't really have any other close friends to be in her wedding party besides her brother's GF and a girl from work. And I thought that it would be a lot cheaper to just travel to another state, stay with my parents (I am oriniginally from that area) and buy a dress rather than spend 500 bucks on a flight to Aruba and pay 200 ish a night for a hotel. Now that she is demanding the bachelorette party, it's turning into another huge expense. My plan is to tell her when I get back to the States that I can't attend the bachelorette party and see what she says. If she threatens to kick me out of the wedding party, I will say "fine" and be done, and ignore her calls/texts WHEN (not if) she starts calling me a week later to beg me to be her MOH again.
Posted by WPOdl12[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry to say this, but you got conned big time. Also, from your original post, it really stood out to me that she blocked you on FB then magically unblocked you and wanted you to be her MOH...she sounds like a bag of crazy. I would bail.</div>

jemmini6 · February 2012

Your first mistake was agreeing to be her MOH again. If I had a friend that wanted to END our friendship because I couldn't afford to go to Aruba, then that would have been the END. No re-do's.

Now that you agreed, I think you just need to be straight with her. Tell her "I took a major risk by agreeing to be in your wedding again, especially after how you treated me when I couldn't afford to go to Aruba. Nothing has changed with my finances, and while I can swing driving 9 hours, I cannot afford to throw you any parties, nor do I have time to spend every free second emailing you stuff for YOUR wedding. If you can accept that I will just be there on the day of your wedding and nothing else, I'd love to be there for you. If you can't, tell me now and we can end this friendship once and for all because you are being a major bridezilla right now and I don't have the energy to put up with you being a bitch to me for no reason."

(obviously, I'd be hoping for the latter...this girl is a major bitch and I wouldn't want to be her friend one way or another, so I'd be dying to say something like that to her."

Ali092011 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-a-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ef7fdf06-159c-4a7b-b42f-d494651cf9dcPost:880e6d50-2c3e-4f34-9f82-1ca414797a9d">Re: Dealing with a Bridezilla</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Dealing with a Bridezilla : This is extremely manipulative. If I were in your situation, I would do myself a huge favor and just cut this crazy woman out of my life ASAP.
Posted by B&K10+13+12[/QUOTE]

I almost always agree with everything you say. :)

Elinetrouwt · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-a-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ef7fdf06-159c-4a7b-b42f-d494651cf9dcPost:85b91f3c-8b4b-466c-9219-0eeb1ac68d4f">Re: Dealing with a Bridezilla</a>:
[QUOTE] No again and felt bad that she didn't really have any other close friends to be in her wedding party besides her brother's GF and a girl from work.
Posted by WPOdl12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I wonder why she can't find anyone else.</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

JennyB0825 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_dealing-with-a-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ef7fdf06-159c-4a7b-b42f-d494651cf9dcPost:299fb9f4-88c0-4359-810e-f56e94c13c13">Re: Dealing with a Bridezilla</a>:
[QUOTE]Run.
Posted by clovester[/QUOTE]

Indeed. This is going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

Dealing with a Bridezilla

Re: Dealing with a Bridezilla

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