Any Advice? (Longish)

Gabrielle76 · February 2012

I'm going dress shopping in just under two weeks (when I go home for spring break), and I'm really starting to dread it. I think the trying on dresses will be fine, But I'm getting nervous about going with my mom, for a few reasons.

1) She's all about waiting to buy the dress until later (I do have plenty of time) so I have more time to diet. Her body ideal is very thin/fit (she does yoga every day and has a six pack at 50), and I just don't have the same ideal. I'm not fat, but I'm not thin either, and I like it. My FI likes it. However, if history is any indicator, every dress I try on will be met with "And just imagine how pretty it will look say, 25 pounds lighter!"

2) She really doesn't care about the wedding at all. She wanted me to wait until I was at least 28 to get married, and has always said so. I'll have just turned 23 when I say I do. She is also not the biggest fan of my FI. Don't get me wrong, she thinks he's a good guy, just 'not what she would have picked for me'. I asked both sets of parents for their guest lists over a month ago. I had an organized list from his mom in a week. My mom had forgotten completely when I reminded her last night. She's just not a very emotional person, so 'weddings' don't really do it for her.

The moral of the story is, how can I get past my deep dark wish for the mother daughter shopping/planning experience I always saw and dreamed of? Has anyone else experienced something similar?

WalkersFurMama · February 2012

My mom and I have the same body type, so that wasn't an issue for us. However, we have TOTALLY different tastes in dresses and her vision for my wedding is completely different from my vision. So rather than commenting on good it would look if I were thinner, she would say things like: "Imagine if it were more beaded!" or "Wouldn't just a little bit of lace make it a little softer??" Either way, anything I liked was not good enough for her. On our second trip out, I had a long talk with her before hand. I showed her all of my inspo pieces for the wedding and explained what I was envisioning for my big day. I explained that no matter how much she loved beading/lace it just wouldn't fit into my image of my wedding. She was a little hurt at first, but respected that I talked to her about it and accepted my wishes.

So, maybe you need to have a talk with your mom. Explain to her that you don't plan on losing 25 pounds before the wedding, and that your fiance would want to see you in a dress just the way you are. I hope for your sake that she can respect you and your vision for your wedding because in the end, it ultimately your decision. Is there someone else who you can take along who might be helpful? A sister, cousin, aunt, grandmother, or bridesmaid who can build you up and reassure you when she starts to be negative?

Good luck shopping! Try to relax and enjoy yourself. You only do this once!

Getting2Vowels · February 2012

Walkers, you are an exquisite advise giver!! What you said was soooo well put and I agree!

My mom and I are like sisters but shes hardly ever one to give an opinion. So, when we went dress shopping I was actually hurt when her reaction to every dress was "it looks fine'. I told her I wanted to know the truth regardless if I looked fat, ugly..whatever but she still refused. In the end I picked a dress that *I* loved. Moms want to do what they think is best for you. Ultimately if you are happy with yourself and your vision for the big day than just talk with her. She should understand. And remember to have fun!!

WildMagelet · February 2012

I would try to do your best to convey that you don't intend on changing your body type just for one day *befoehand* and if she can't respect that you may either have to bring it up again or possibly just filter her out. Say something early if she starts in with the comments while dress shopping so you don't pin it all up and explode in the middle of the bridal salon

I also agree with bringing along a more "positive" shopping buddy to help buffer some of your moms negativity.

Annas2013 · February 2012

My mom does the exact same weight thing. My fiance constantly tells me he loves the way I look, and I'm happy for the most part. But everytime my mother and I talk, I hear a variation of either "Are you still working out?" , "You'll have to work out if you eat that", or the best "You can still lose more weight". I then kindly point out that I've lost 20 lbs since last summer. Bring a friend or sister to your dress fitting. I did. But also be willing to maybe try a dress your mom likes, just so she feels like you care about her opinion and are open to trying things.

It's your body and your dress. You're the one wearing it. Not her. If you are the one paying for it to, then you have complete control what you wear. If she's paying, she gets somewhat of a say. The only thing you can really do is get a dress that makes you happy.

emmyroo · March 2012

I agree that bringing a supportive friend/relative is the best way. If it's someone who can tactfully put Mom in her place when she starts those comments, all the better.

Gabrielle76 · March 2012

Thanks for the advice guys. Unfortunately, I'm going shopping in my home town (there is NOTHING near where I live), and the only people I'm close with there are the people who are going. My mom (Already talked about her), my sister (She's going to school on a full athletic scholarship, as she sees it, you're ripped or fat), and my moms best friend (even thinner than my mom). I guess I'll just have to picture how my Fiance would react, and think about that.

There is a part of me that is hoping for tears/emotional family experience, but I think I just have to accept that I won't get that until my FI sees me in it on the day of.

Any Advice? (Longish)

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