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Fiancee's family Friending on Facebook

I would like some advice on social networking etiquette. Now that my partner and I are engaged, I'm getting friend requests from his extended family. I am already "friends" with a few of his closer relatives that I know very well, but I'm starting to get requests from extended family that I don't know well. What is the polite thing to do? I'd rather not accept requests from people that I'm not and never was friends with. But will I appear rude if I don't accept? Is there a way to limit what they see without having to customize each post?

I'm also not really posting about my wedding plans since we intend to have a very small wedding, which many of the extended families will not be invited to. So I am very private about wedding details, not wanting to hurt peoples' feelings. Should I create a separate wedding website to keep people informed about our wedding plans, and direct his extended family to that site instead?

Thanks for your help,
Robin

Re: Fiancee's family Friending on Facebook

  • I would accept the requests just to be nice, but that's just me. I'm pretty sure you can put them all in a group and set certain privacy settings for that group. 
    Definitely don't direct people to the website for a wedding they won't be invited to. That's pretty rude.




  • If you don't want to accept them as friends on FB, then don't. If you feel like it could cause 'issues', talk to your FI about it.

    I'm not the kind of person that accepts people just to play nicely. My own Biological mom tried to friend me (I haven't had a relationship with her since I was like 10?) and I denied it. I'm sure it pissed her off, but really it wasn't any skin off my back.

    With that said, a lot of DH's family friended me, and I accepted them because they were people I knew. Then after that, some of his distant family (like an aunt that had been divorced from his uncle) and things like that started to friend me and I denied. I wont ever meet them and it just felt really odd and weird.

    It's really a personal decision though and none of us can really give you the 'right' choice. Sorry.

    As far as wedding details go, if you're making a website (which can be very informative and helpful), only direct people who are invited, to it.
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  • I will try to figure out a custom group as you mentioned. I literally did not know who this person was until I saw that they were friends with my fiance.

    For the separate wedding website, I was thinking not the traditional wedding site where you send invitees. I am considering a very small wedding, perhaps a destination wedding (budget allowing) with ~20 people at most. I can't really afford a big ceremony, so sadly most people we know won't be invited. It's so hard not to be rude! I wish there was some way to share our story and plans without stepping on any toes or making anyone feel like they didn't make the cut.

    I guess I have a lot to learn about this stuff. I need to read more about weddings on a shoestring.

    -R
  • I have a special "Limited" group who I am friends with, but they are blocked from all pictures, status updates, and wall posts. Basically to them it looks like I am just very inactive on FB while still being friends with them. I have done this with older relatives, FI's extended family, and everyone I work with.

    Definitely look into this, as it has saved me so many awkward situations of not 'friending' someone and hurting their feelings.
  • In Response to Re: Fiancee's family Friending on Facebook:
    I have a special "Limited" group who I am friends with, but they are blocked from all pictures, status updates, and wall posts. Basically to them it looks like I am just very inactive on FB while still being friends with them. I have done this with older relatives, FI's extended family, and everyone I work with. Definitely look into this, as it has saved me so many awkward situations of not 'friending' someone and hurting their feelings.
    Posted by cwaggoner07

    I totally get not wanting awkward situations and what not and my comment isn't directed at you cwaggoner, you just brought the point up.

    I think it's insanely silly and ridiculous that people get so freaking bent out of shape because so&so didn't friend them. Who cares? Be an adult and get over it. (again, not directed at you cwaggoner)
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  • edited January 2012
    In Response to Re: Fiancee's family Friending on Facebook:
    I will try to figure out a custom group as you mentioned. I literally did not know who this person was until I saw that they were friends with my fiance. For the separate wedding website, I was thinking not the traditional wedding site where you send invitees. I am considering a very small wedding, perhaps a destination wedding (budget allowing) with ~20 people at most. I can't really afford a big ceremony, so sadly most people we know won't be invited. It's so hard not to be rude! I wish there was some way to share our story and plans without stepping on any toes or making anyone feel like they didn't make the cut. I guess I have a lot to learn about this stuff. I need to read more about weddings on a shoestring. -R
    Posted by baile145
    Depending on your budget, you could probably pull off a nice small wedding without being destination and might actually be cheaper than destination.
    I have no idea what your budget is, but we pulled off a very nice wedding with about 70-80 guests for under 5k.

    Definitely read and lurk the boards a lot. They're crammed full with awesome ideas and suggestions. :)
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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
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    edited January 2012
    ncsu - Oh I totally agree. But I am super non-confrontational and some people are such weirdos about it, that was the only work-around I could come up with. I mean, there you go. You can see my profile picture and my birthday. BFF's for life no doubt.
  • I'm a terrible person. At first, I accepted the friend requests (Out of good old fashioned Catholic guilt), and after a while, I realized I wasn't actually interacting with them, so I just deleted them.

    Now I just ignore them, and play dumb if somebody tries to press the issue. I talk to these people like twice a year, because we're not close. It's not like FB is  suddenly going to change that.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • If you are uncomfortable accepting their friend requests, then I don't think that you should.  Will you be meeting his extended family at the wedding or at a family reunion at some point?  Maybe you would feel more comfortable adding them after you have met them in person.  For what it's worth, my fiance has a huge family, and I only added the family members I have actually met on Facebook.
  • Just don't respond and leave it as a pending request.  They can't try to add you again if you never respond to the first one. Then once you actually do meet them, you can decide if you want to friend or not.
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    Just because you saw it on Four Weddings, doesn't mean it's a good idea.
  • In Response to Re: Fiancee's family Friending on Facebook:
    Just don't respond and leave it as a pending request.  They can't try to add you again if you never respond to the first one. Then once you actually do meet them, you can decide if you want to friend or not.
    Posted by adktd2boots
    They can't try and add again, but with some settings, they'll be able to see what you're posting and what not, even if your profile is set to 'private'. That's typically why I take care of those 'requests' pretty quickly :)

    With that said, I think adktb's route is pretty good if you're on the fence.
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  • In Response to Re: Fiancee's family Friending on Facebook:
    Just don't respond and leave it as a pending request.  They can't try to add you again if you never respond to the first one. Then once you actually do meet them, you can decide if you want to friend or not.
    Posted by adktd2boots
    i do this all the time, just leave them pending and if i ever get asked i say that i only check fb on my phone and it doesnt show friend requests on there. Which i used to think it didn't until i realized how to find it. I've had about 10 people pending for about 6 months and never see any of them so who cares.
  • "Facebook? Oh that thing. I rarely check it" lol That is my go to.
  • Watch out for the batty ones. His Aunt who I have seen multiple times and was soo darn cordial to me until my new tattoo...she has been hell on FB even after she deleted me lol. Her own sister (his mother) told me to uninvite her...just be careful wtih who you choose to play with.
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
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