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HELP! NEED ADVICE! Sister and Wedding Colors

InsaneOnPHInsaneOnPH member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
I had my bridesmaids out with me doing wedding stuff.  My sister is one of them.  She's a few years older than me and has been wanting her boyfriend to propose.  After we left the florist she asked me if my MOH had mentioned that my colors are the colors that she had chosen for her dream wedding.  She had told my MOH on a shopping run for my engagement party two months ago. 

So now whenever I think about my wedding colors, I think about my sister's dream wedding.  What do I do?

And what do I do about my sister?  I got really upset after my sister told me this.  She said she told me because she was finding it really easy to like what I was liking.  (?) I really wish she hadn't told me because it inadvertently hurt my feelings, but am I supposed to feel sorry for being upset with her?  (Because I am.)  She probably had no idea what telling me this would do.  She herself said it wasn't her fault that I was upset.  In a way she's right.  I could just let it go.  But it's Sunday, and it happened Friday and I'm still not over it. 

So help me please!
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Re: HELP! NEED ADVICE! Sister and Wedding Colors

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-sister-wedding-colors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:024f0a19-623b-44f0-a0e9-2426d9745b8ePost:2338f66f-92c9-4cf2-97bf-55490739bf66">HELP! NEED ADVICE! Sister and Wedding Colors</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had my bridesmaids out with me doing wedding stuff.  My sister is one of them.  She's a few years older than me and has been wanting her boyfriend to propose.  After we left the florist she asked me if my MOH had mentioned that my colors are the colors that she had chosen for her dream wedding.  She had told my MOH on a shopping run for my engagement party two months ago.  So now whenever I think about my wedding colors, I think about my sister's dream wedding.  What do I do? And what do I do about my sister?  I got really upset after my sister told me this.  She said she told me because she was finding it really easy to like what I was liking.  (?) I really wish she hadn't told me because it inadvertently hurt my feelings, but am I supposed to feel sorry for being upset with her?  (Because I am.)  She probably had no idea what telling me this would do.  She herself said it wasn't her fault that I was upset.  In a way she's right.  I could just let it go.  But it's Sunday, and it happened Friday and I'm still not over it.  So help me please!
    Posted by InsaneOnPH[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You need to let this go, your thinking WAY too much into a color, seriously there are only 6 main colors (I won't count shades) that a person can choose from there are thousands upon thousands of people out there that have the same color scheme as you. If your colors you chose is your sister's favorite colors for what she wants for her wedding in the future than she has every right to choose it, no one gets dibs on the colors. You and your sister having the same color is not going to mean that you will have the same wedding, you are two different people who just happen to like the same color scheme. </div><div>
    </div><div>I can see wedding stress might be starting to hit you because to be upset for the whole weekend over a color is kind of crazy.

    </div>
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    So your sister likes the colors you've chosen for her wedding, and she thought she'd use them for a wedding, but she's not engaged yet?

    Have your colors.  You're really overthinking this and being quite silly.  Let it go.  Even if she does end up using the colors some day in the future, few will remember that they were the same.  And fewer still will actually care.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-sister-wedding-colors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:024f0a19-623b-44f0-a0e9-2426d9745b8ePost:ea4724ec-23cf-4a0e-a563-f0d368a09345">Re: HELP! NEED ADVICE! Sister and Wedding Colors</a>:
    [QUOTE]So your sister likes the colors you've chosen for her wedding, and she thought she'd use them for a wedding, but she's not engaged yet? Have your colors.  You're really overthinking this and being quite silly.  Let it go.  Even if she does end up using the colors some day in the future, few will remember that they were the same.  And fewer still will actually care.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Yepp. She isn't even engaged yet. Don't stress about "her dream wedding" because a lot of that could change before she actually gets engaged and starts planning. I can understand her thinking these things, but I bet it would be annoying for you to have your sister saying "Oh, I like this idea for my wedding!" in which case, just don't involve her in a lot of the planning. The BMs don't need to be involved in the planning, although they can be if they offer to help out. But I do think you need to let it go, OP. They're just colours.
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It appears your colours are orange, red and gold (based on your profile).  They are extremely common, and popular, wedding colours. The fact that you are siblings and like the same colour scheme isn't shocking, or scandalous, at all.

    Those colours can be incorporated in SO MANY different ways, that it really doesn't matter if the are "the same," because they will not be identical.

    Enjoy the fact that you have someone in your wedding party that can so quickly appreciate your choices, and genuinely LIKE them.

    10-10-10
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    By the time she gets engaged, your sister could change her mind about her favorite colors for her own wedding. Take it as a complement that she loves what you are planning for your wedding. Maybe she was just living vicariously through you. Give yourself a few more minutes to get over it and then continue with your plans.
                       
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We should also keep in mind that her future fiance may hate the idea of those colours, making this a non-issue, anyway!
    10-10-10
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_need-advice-sister-wedding-colors?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:024f0a19-623b-44f0-a0e9-2426d9745b8ePost:dfb34dc5-f590-431a-a678-2307730b3e15">Re: HELP! NEED ADVICE! Sister and Wedding Colors</a>:
    [QUOTE]We should also keep in mind that her future fiance may hate the idea of those colours, making this a non-issue, anyway!
    Posted by melissamc2[/QUOTE]
    Ditto this.  I've always liked blue and silver as a color scheme, but once it came time to plan our wedding, we nixed it because 1) those were his high school colors, and 2) our company had just run a long and somewhat unpopular promotion heavily featuring that color scheme.  So we just ditched it and moved on, rather than complaining that Disney or his high school had stolen our colors.  Because we are adults.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't change my colors.  Though, I would probably talk to her about it.  She didn't tell you about the colors before, so it's not like you stole the idea.  She needs to get over it.
    Anniversary
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  • InsaneOnPHInsaneOnPH member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the advice!  I worked it all out with my sister.  I apologized for losing my head.  We also worked out that she won't talk about her dream wedding anymore around me when I'm wedding planning.  Also, if things get tense, we have a code word.  Shenanigans. 

    It really all came down to me being stressed out in the moment, and feeling like I was taking something from her.  I was mad because I felt bad, and I resented feeling bad about my colors.  It's not her fault that I felt this way, but there's plenty of lead in to why I might feel this way.  I've known for a while how much she wants her man to propose.  She's been in tears about it.  I think that I've been worried about her having to watch me plan my wedding when she's wishing for her own, and that's part of the tension.  I would have a hard time if I were her. 

    But we worked all that stuff out.  So next time, shenanigans!
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