Heartbroken!

summer&jr · November 2012

What's the point of even 'venting' when everyone has to be so negative.

I am not a child. I was simply stating that my aunt was looking down upon me because I can't buy anything new because I can't be rich like most people in my family are and because I simply want a wedding where I can be myself and not have anyone be so negative about it or refuse to go to because it's something they look down on.

misssunshine17 · November 2012

I understand your frustration, but if your family members have you best interest at heart, maybe you should listen to their concerns. As for how they want to wedding, if they're not paying, it's not up to them. In the last paragraph, you sayd they can't support your decision of WHO to marry. This is what you need to focus on. Have the hard conversation and find out why.

As for the hunting thing, I personally think camo weddings are horribly tacky and overdone. You can do rustic without camo.

thejucheidea · November 2012

You lost me at camo wedding.

DaveandRoxy · November 2012

It really doesn't matter what she does or how much money she makes or who she thinks she is. She has no right to judge you and how you choose to live your life. It's really none of her business who you decide to marry. If you're happy, that's all that matters. My FI and I are 20 years apart, no kids though, and my family has been nothing but supportive. But, I'm quick to axe anyone who isn't. Remember: Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. All the camo this and that is irrelevant, regardless of the type of wedding you're having they'd still be unsupportive and there's nothing you can do to change their minds. The imporant thing to focus on is what you and your FI want. If they really care about you, they'll come around.

Wzz · November 2012

i want to see the bridesmaid dresses you have in mind.

Wzz · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_heartbroken-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:64814b12-0735-4716-a07d-96f638520ec0Post:5901cc77-5935-43cc-a2dd-3f927cf49f19">Heartbroken!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so first off, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was good until what my aunt had said later on. Second of all, I apologize as this will probably be long but I'm heart broken.

So Saturday my family gathered up at my aunts house like we always do for the holidays. Everything was going good. I figured out who I wanted in my wedding party for bridesmaid, it was going to be my mom, 2 aunts, grandma (if she wanted) and my best friend and her mom (who's like my second mom). I decided the time was right after most of the family had left and I had the opportunity alone with her and my grandma so I decided to ask. I told my grandma that she's more then welcome to be part of my bridesmaid party if she feels up to it (she's 67 and has bad arthritis in her feet so I left the decision up to her) and then I asked my aunt to be apart of my bridesmaid party. I was going to invite everyone I for sure wanted and then choose my maid of honor (just easier for me, i know I'll probably get some slack because of this but oh well). Anyways she had asked if we had any plans even started. I explained to her that we were wanting a camo country type wedding or just a plain country wedding, havent for sure decided. I told her that I would like a white wedding dress with maybe a small hint of camo. And I wanted to do homemade cookin (hamburgers, hot dogs, brats, potato salad, etc). My fiancee want's the price limit of $3,000 and I wanted to do it for under $1000 but we agreed to meet in the middle. My grandma was the first person who spoke out and told me that she didn't understand why we were 'wasting away' all of our money just to get married. She then mentioned something about going to the courthouse and not having a wedding. Then my aunt had started in. She told me why I even thought about having a camo wedding when I or my fiancee don't hunt and we are nothing compared to country folks and you HAVE to live in the country to be country and how I'm too young to get married and how my fiancee is too old and I should never get married to someone who's older then me and has kids and was married before. She thinks I should just up and leave him and find someone. Just a little background. My aunt has a high end job at a University, can afford to build her own big house, buy herself four different new vehicles, her husband works as a computer software tech, she can buy herself brand new clothes, shoes, make up, bought brand new furniture, electronics, has rich friends. My fiancee and I are 9 years apart. He was previously married and had two kids (ages 6 and 4) and they consider me like a second mom and they are my life. By the time that we'll get married, I'll be 22. We purposely put the wedding date out long enough for us not only to get the money gathered up but also because he wants me to for sure know this is what I want before we get married. He encourages me to go to college, get a good job, know what I want in life before settling down. As for hunting, I knew she was trying to rub it in my face as I had asked her before if we could hunt on their land (they have quite a bit of land) and she told me it was 'too crowded' for us two to come hunting on Saturday. That's the only reason he hadn't gotten his hunting license and I haven't gotten my mentoring license. We don't live in the country as for one, we haven't been able to find a house in the country to rent out until we can save up to buy our own land and two, we both are firefighters and he runs on the ambulance in town and it's just easier for us to live in town so were closer, especially when it comes to running shifts on the ambulance (we have to be able to be en route to a call in less then 5 minutes). I'm afraid to even ask any of the other people I wanted in my wedding party. I thought she would be happy but now I'm just heart broken. My own aunt and grandma can't support my decision of who I want to marry and how we want our wedding. I'm heart broken :(
Posted by summer&jr[/QUOTE]

misssunshine17 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_heartbroken-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:64814b12-0735-4716-a07d-96f638520ec0Post:a0ebb318-8f16-4650-b0bc-c82661f30d43">Re: Heartbroken!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You lost me at camo wedding.</strong>
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

<div>I had to re-read and try really hard to be nice after that. </div>

ElleB87 · November 2012

If you're honestly "heart broken" over someone else's comments you are indeed too immature to get married. Grow some thicker skin and act like an adult.

And for the record...all adults buy their own clothes and pay their own way...that's the difference between being an adult and being a child. I don't know why on earth the fact that your aunt supports herself would set her apart...unless you are a child and can't support yourself.

VarunaTT · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_heartbroken-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:64814b12-0735-4716-a07d-96f638520ec0Post:5901cc77-5935-43cc-a2dd-3f927cf49f19">Heartbroken!</a>:
[QUOTE] ...my aunt was looking down upon me because I can't buy anything new because I can't be rich like most people in my family are and because I simply want a wedding where I can be myself and not have anyone be so negative about it or refuse to go to because it's something they look down on.
Posted by summer&jr[/QUOTE]

<div>This is your hangup, not theirs. You're either going to get a spine and tell them to STFU b/c you're in charge of your life, good or bad, or you're going to let them walk all over you with their opinions. She may very well look down at you, there's not a damn thing you can do about that except try and prove her wrong/right or ignore her.</div><div>
</div><div>Is anyone else just all *head tilt* at her wedding party choices? I'm trying to figure out what bridesmaid dress (let's not touch camo) is going to look good on grandma, aunt and whoever else she puts in this thing.</div><div>
</div><div>Honey, be country all you want. But please don't do camo at the wedding. It's for hunting and that should be the only article of clothing it ever graces. Period. Please google camo weddings and find me ONE that doesn't look horrid. You are a bride, this is formal, you are not a tree or a deer. Your bridesmaids are women, not trees or deer. They don't need to hide you, the tradition of kidnapping the bride disappeared a long time ago.</div>

GBCK · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_heartbroken-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:64814b12-0735-4716-a07d-96f638520ec0Post:5901cc77-5935-43cc-a2dd-3f927cf49f19">Heartbroken!</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the point of even 'venting' when everyone has to be so negative. I am not a child. I was simply stating that my aunt was looking down upon me because I can't buy anything new because I can't be rich like most people in my family are and because I simply want a wedding where I can be myself and not have anyone be so negative about it or refuse to go to because it's something they look down on.
Posted by summer&jr[/QUOTE]

Maybe this is the root of the problem then.
Because learning to know in your own head "I think my plans are fabulous. Haters gonna hate" (in some less obnoxious way) is key to grown-up success.

tawillers · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_heartbroken-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:64814b12-0735-4716-a07d-96f638520ec0Post:5bf589a1-58b1-4fb1-86e8-6cf5c674a38d">Re: Heartbroken!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Heartbroken! : Is anyone else just all *head tilt* at her wedding party choices? I'm trying to figure out what bridesmaid dress (let's not touch camo) is going to look good on grandma, aunt and whoever else she puts in this thing.
Posted by VarunaTT[/QUOTE]

Yes, V. Yes. My mom and grandma would give me the emu eye for asking them to be in my bridal party.

6fsn · November 2012

Hey, her grandma is the same age as my mom. My mom could pull off some cute dresses.

VarunaTT · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_heartbroken-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:64814b12-0735-4716-a07d-96f638520ec0Post:0e6aaf51-00dc-4f85-8cf0-55d3646d746d">Re: Heartbroken!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, her grandma is the same age as my mom. My mom could pull off some cute dresses.
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

<div>It's not that I don't think the "ladies of a certain age" can't look good, 6. I'm just thinking of all the BM dresses I see and imaging my grandmother or aunt in them (including the one I picked, a strapless A line tea length). They'd put the kibosh on me pretty quickly.</div><div>
</div><div>I also can't imagine them wanting to do it. I keep feeling like at some age, you just <em>want</em> to be just a guest at a wedding. It's more fun, no work and you still get a line in the program as Grandmother of B/G.</div>

Wzz · November 2012

i agree. i dont understand why grandma has to be a bridesmaid. she is GRANDMA, which (if you like your family) kind of implies an inportant relationship.

amandanicole1828 · November 2012

It seems like you're still at a stage in your life where you need validation to do the things you want to do. It's even shown by your dissapointment in how others on here are reacting to your over-reaction to another persons opinion. Who cares what we think? Why take it so personally? If you're in love and yuo want a wedding a certain way what does it matter what some loud mouth may say about you? I find those who seem to get angry over what others are saying about their relationships are those who may deep inside partially agree with what's being said. Only those truly secure in their relationships would never let something like this bother them. I just don't see why you feel this need to explain yourself or why you want a wedding with Camo in it. Not my choice mind you as it always seems to have this really bad hick feel to it and not weddingish at all.

Something you need to learn, when you finally become secure with who you are and who you are marrying you'll learn that what others think doesn't matter nor impact your happiness. Everyone and their aunt (litteraly in your case) will have an opinion, what matters is how you choose to take that opinion. You have the capacity to not let someone hurt you or make you feel insecure in your decisions. To me this just shows that you're not the least bit secure with who you are. If you just wanted to be yourself, you'd be yourself instead of dedicating one day where you could finally show who you are.

Heartbroken!

Re: Heartbroken!

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