IN LAWS WON'T ATTEND OUR WEDDING

Re: IN LAWS WON'T ATTEND OUR WEDDING

• noodle_oo member

  

  January 2010 edited December 2011

  MackandAsh:  I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  I can relate to your situation.  My FI and I are a mixed race couple and both our families did not approve of our relationship for many years.  After trying to convince them and struggling with this issue for a long time, I have finally realized that it doesn't matter what they think.  My parents are still not happy with our relationship and I'm not sure if they will attend our wedding.  But I have decided that I will not let them ruin this for me and FI and I are finally planning the wedding of our dreams.  I know it is difficult and it still hurts, but I have decided to go ahead anyway.
  
  In your situation, I would suggest you have a heart to heart with your FI.  How does he feel about the situation?  What does he want to do?  If he wants to go ahead with the wedding anyway, I would do it.  If it is too hard for him to have the big wedding without his family, do the courthouse.  However, remember that it is his family that is behaving badly and you guys are doing nothing wrong.  You are allowed to have your big wedding and be happy even if they choose to not support you. Everyone who will be at the wedding is there because they love you and support you.  Just remember that.

  
  

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• SocialWorker2B member

  

  January 2010 edited December 2011

  I am so sorry that this happening to you guys! How far away are you from your wedding?
  
  I have sort of a similar situation. When my husband and I were planning our wedding, his dad, stepmom and their/her family were doing everything they could to be d!cks. They refused to go to dinner with my mom and stepdad because we had refused to invite 20 of his stepmom's family to our 40 guest wedding. It got so bad and was having such a negative effect on our relationship, we had to tell them they couldn't come. Rather, I told my then fiance I couldn't handle it anymore and we decided we had to uninvite them.
  
  We ended it rather immaturely and told them we eloped and therefore, there would be no wedding. That was pretty much the end of our communication because we stopped returning their phone calls. Eventually they found out we lied (about a month after our wedding) and they kicked the immaturity up a notch and started verbally and email-y harassing us. This is happening even though we haven't talked in months.
  
  Bottom line: we still had the wedding and we both had a great time. Yes, I am sure that my husband was thinking of the fact that they weren't there but he has never mentioned anything about it and now we are happily married.
  
  Don't let your future inlaws rob you of your dream wedding. You will surely regret it. Good luck with this! :-)

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• jmp830

  

  January 2010 edited December 2011

  I feel so sorry for you guys. As if there weren't enough things to deal with in planning a wedding ...
  
  I say you have the big wedding anyway. It is a time for you to be surrounded by people who love and support you and if they choose to do that they can come. I do not think he should feel embarrassed.
  
  Is there anything you can do prior to the wedding to reach out to them with the hopes that they will change their minds?

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• jkepros member

  

  January 2010 edited December 2011

  That's a rough situation.  I can't offer much advice, but just want to send you some good vibes.  You and your fiance will have to decide what is best for you.  It might be to elope, it might be to have a wedding without his family.  I agree with your fiance though, that it'd be their loss.  They are the ones who'd regret not being there in the future.  I hope you can figure something out soon.  Good luck!

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• citygirl17

  

  January 2010 edited December 2011

  FI is Puerto-Rican and had a devout Catholic upbringing.  He attended private, Catholic school, etc.  His mother wanted us to get married in a Catholic church but I don't want to because I was not confirmed and was not brought up in the Catholic religion (I am Protestant).  FI and I decided not to get married in a church at all and have a spiritual, more secular ceremony by the ocean on Cape Cod.  He LOVES this idea and we are so happy with all of our plans.  But his mother was always disappointed with everything and never let me forget it.  She wanted him to marry a Catholic, Puerto-Rican girl and I am niether.  We had a VERY tense relationship for a long time because of this.  She did eventually start to warm up to me but it was never 100%.  Well, she passed away Dec. 23, 2009 two days before Christmas from cancer.  She never got to see her son's wedding.  My point is life is too short.  I hope you find a way to include everyone, but the bottom line is to do what makes YOU and your FIANCE happy - not everyone else.

  "Imperfection is beauty; madness is genious. And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring" ~ Marilyn Monroe
  

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• backbaybride member

  

  January 2010 edited December 2011

  Hey Mack,
  
  First of all I think that you are one of my friends from high school haha
  If so, I can't imagine anyone's parents being so upset about a marriage to you that they wouldn't even attend!
  Either way...I think that you should go through with the wedding if you and your fiance will be able to enjoy it with your family and friends.  I think it's great that he has said it's their loss.  At least his head is in the right place!  Depending on his families' specific objections I would be surprised if he couldn't talk some reason into them before the actual wedding.  They may be testing him to gauge his reaction to their threats. 

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• polkadotsarehot member

  

  January 2010 edited December 2011

  Have the wedding, they are only embarrassing themselves. Maybe they will change their minds months or years later and apologize but if you both love eachother you have every right to celebrate with those who support you.

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