Just Money

lexikate81 · June 2010

Between us, my fiance and I have everything, from kitchen to bed to whatever, since we are also having a desination wedding. We have decided that IF anyone wants to to give us a gift we really would just rather have money. To help pay for the honeymoon.

We are already getting questions about where to register, what is the best way to say this, and should we insert our request in the inviation.

vsgal · June 2010

You don't. It is extremely rude to ask for money.

You don't put anything on your invitations asking for gifts of any kind. You don't put anything on the invites that talk about the registry.

You should get a registry together because people are going to want to get you a physical gift. If you are stuck for things that you would need, you can always upgrade. There is a sticky note at the top of this board that will give you ideas.

If you would prefer money, you can spread that idea via word of mouth. Be prepared for two possibilities: 1. You get nothing because they can't believe how greedy and presumptuous you are being. 2. You get 7 toasters that you can't return because you have no receipt and people wanted to send you a physical gift.

lexikate81 · June 2010

Wow, thanks for the awful advise. It's obvious that YOU yourself have never been to a wedding before and seen that little insert in the invitiaion that so politely points out where the couple is regsiterd. Also, it is obvious that as a bride you have yet be asked that question, "where are you registered"

It is not tacky to ask for money from those who want to give it. We are not requiring gifts of any kind, but there are those who do want to give something and my fiance and I would just rather not recieve something we already have.

mandybear7 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:ab9b7f00-7ca3-4e44-9144-53b1faeb0141">Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]Between us, my fiance and I have everything, from kitchen to bed to whatever, since we are also having a desination wedding. We have decided that if anyone wants to to give us a gift we rally would just like money. To help pay for the wedding, honeymoon and a little extra to start our life with. What is the best way to ask for just money on an invitation? Any thoughts?
Posted by lexikate81[/QUOTE]

Do not make any mention of gifts in the invitation. Spread via word of mouth that you are saving for your honeymoon/downpayment/etc.

mandybear7 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:3b7cce24-1776-4e23-ab9e-cb9c7525ec83">Re: Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, thanks for the awful advise. It's obvious that YOU yourself have never been to a wedding before and seen that little insert in the invitiaion that so politely points out where the couple is regsiterd. Also, it is obvious that as a bride you have yet be asked that question, "where are you registered" It is not tacky to ask for money from those who want to give it. We are not requiring gifts of any kind, but there are those who do want to give something and my fiance and I would just rather not recieve something we already have.
Posted by lexikate81[/QUOTE]

Bahahaha- what? I have been to a ton of weddings and not one of the invitations mentioned anything to do with gifts. It's okay to include registry information with shower invitations because the whole point of a shower is to give the bride a gift. That is not the case with weddings.

If you are asked where you are registered simply say, "actually we are not registered, your presence is more than enough gift... but we are also saving for the honeymoon/downpayment/whatever." You don't have to come right out and say, "gimme money!!"

MNVegas · June 2010

Vsgal gave GREAT advice. It is just not the advice you want to hear. Asking for cash from your guests is really tacky.

Putting gift information of any kind, escpecially cash request with wedding invitation is very rude! Do a small registry of upgraded items so if someone asks, you can say we are registered at X store, but also saving for honeymoon. Your guests are not stupid, even though you seem to think they are and they will get the hint that you want cash without you having to come right out and asking for it.

If someone sent me an invitation asking me for a cash gift, they would get a butt ugly gift from me. Rude to me rude right back at you.

Krysti21 · June 2010

VSgal gave really good advice. Just like the advice you got on E. Did you not like the answers there, so you thought you'd post here, too?

vsgal · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:3b7cce24-1776-4e23-ab9e-cb9c7525ec83">Re: Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, thanks for the awful advise. It's obvious that YOU yourself have never been to a wedding before and seen that little insert in the invitiaion that so politely points out where the couple is regsiterd. Also, it is obvious that as a bride you have yet be asked that question, "where are you registered" It is not tacky to ask for money from those who want to give it. We are not requiring gifts of any kind, but there are those who do want to give something and my fiance and I would just rather not recieve something we already have.
Posted by lexikate81[/QUOTE]

Really? Well seeing as you know it all, why are you on a board asking the question?

You are requiring gifts if you put that on your invites. Maybe in your convoluted haze of reality, you think that is not the case. Your guests certainly will. Trust me, they talk about it behind your back.

If you don't want something that you don't have then you say "We have everything already. There is no need for a gift" You still don't ask for cash.

You are right. I have never seen an insert in any invite telling me registry info. My friends are not from the land of tacktastic. Just because you have seen it does not mean it is right. It is tacky and you should be the one in your circle to break the cycle.

By the way, my ADVICE is not awful. It is not even advice. It is the proper thing to do. It does not validate you, so in your mind it is awful. Ask this question on the etiquette board tomorrow and see if you get better advice.

Sing2phins · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:0bc2b09e-e239-4971-9f84-3cac6d21cbef">Re: Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]In your post on Snarky Brides you said you got married in Vegas with your mom as a witness. Do your guests know you are already married?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
Ohhh, that's good sleuthing, MilkDuds!

maratea · June 2010

If I got your invitation, telling me you wanted money, I'd give you $100. In Monopoly money.

MNVegas · June 2010

Maybe she has a husband and a FI. That's why they need the extra money!

Who the heck gets married and then calls their husband a fiance?? Obviously OP can't keep track of the stories she is telling on the other boards. Something is starting to smell funny here.

vsgal · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:0bc2b09e-e239-4971-9f84-3cac6d21cbef">Re: Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]In your post on Snarky Brides you said you got married in Vegas with your mom as a witness. Do your guests know you are already married?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

OMG Really? She is a hot mess!

Krysti21 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:910bcfe5-8a1d-4136-94a1-d6c8036a3953">Re: Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Money : Ask this question on the etiquette board tomorrow and see if you get better advice.
Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]

Oh, VS, she already did.

Midgie373 · June 2010

The just money post is on two boards and there's a "nontraditional bride" post on another.

Is she engaged, married, confused, polgamist? I'm not sure anymore.

vsgal · June 2010

I just read her other very insightful posts on the other boards. I might have to call troll on this.

This girl is far too out there to think that any of this mentality is even close to appropriate.

And why is nobody in her life not smacking her with the common sense 2x4?

jennylove810 · June 2010

No worries, girls!!

missy68 · June 2010

SURPRISE!! Even on this board, it's still improper. And yes, I've seen those cards. They went in the trash can. It's called free advertising for the store where you registered.

vsgal · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:ea8ae2e7-f0f2-4399-b02d-cfbfe27ffb8f">Re: Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]No worries, girls!!
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

Jennylove810,

I wish that would work, but this lovely piece of work is no troll.

She has a public blog that brags about how she is already married and "will do it right" in Hawaii.

She also talks about how one business failed. I wonder why. She also talks about a new business that will have the same fate if this is the self-absorbed attitude she carries in her life.

jennylove810 · June 2010

Boo. And I was so excited about my new troll spray.

vsgal · June 2010

I know you were. Hang on to it. There will another chance shortly. Trolls are aplenty on these boards. Good thing troll spray does not expire. Make sure you keep it in a cool, dry place.

SarahPLiz · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b96dbfe6-fc0c-4c54-b464-ca284ec06b5cPost:e4ba56b5-ea81-4036-86aa-127fb7ba6ee4">Re: Just Money</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just Money : Jennylove810, I wish that would work, but this lovely piece of work is no troll. She has a public blog that brags about how she is already married and "will do it right" in Hawaii. She also talks about how one business failed. I wonder why. She also talks about a new business that will have the same fate if this is the self-absorbed attitude she carries in her life.
Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]
I just wonder how having another ceremony in Hawaii alone is "doing it right" but having a ceremony in Vegas with her mom, which already happenned, is not "doing it right". Heck, she already eloped once, and its public knowledge, so now they are essentially having another private ceremony on their honeymoon and expect people to give them gifts? WTF ever.

The blog was an interesting read, though. Sad, but interesting.

deepcovejackie · June 2010

Well yes! By all means give the info on where you're "regiterd" in your "inviation". That won't look bad at all.

Have a special time on youuuuuuuuuur daaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Trishes · June 2010

For sure, you should just put "It would be kind of you to bring a donation to the reception, otherwise you may not get fed".

Keep it classy.

newbiebride83 · July 2010

I had a friend who sent an insert that stated that she and her fiance preferred monetary gifts at the time. To be honest, it was tastefully written and done and I didn't take offense to it. She had invited nearly 300 close friends and family members, and at the time, literally had like five blenders and toasters already. I gave her an American Express gift card and was glad to know that I actually gave her a gift that she needed.

So in short, I think requesting money or listing your registry info really depends on the nature of your guests and how well you know them.

luckyme502 · July 2010

Where do these people come from? Why are they getting married and breeding?

smsimpson · July 2010

I am in a similar situation. We are having a destination wedding and don't really want gifts because people are spending so much to come to the wedding in the first place. We are however planning on registering for a few things that we would like to upgrade in our house just in case people really do want to get us something and won't take no for an answer. The thing is, a gift is something people choose to give. It doesn't matter what you ask for because asking for anything is being greedy, not just asking for money like some people say. However, it is your family and your friends and you know them better than anyone else. If you don't think they will be offended by asking for money then what harm is done. Most people, I think, will want to give you a gift that you will use and appreciate, instead of a gift for the sake of giving you something tangible.

Just Money

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