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Not Engaged Yet
graveslr
member
Ring Dilemma
My boyfriend and I went out looking at rings yesterday (thank goodness because what I like was a little different than he thought). We hadn't really discussed price range before we went, we were just there to browse. I did find the most beautiful ring, a round diamond surrounded by a delicate halo of diamonds with a thin band with more tiny little diamonds. The color was a D, the cut was 0, which is ideal. The center stone was 1.36 carats in 14k white gold. The ring was priced at $8290. I came home and tried looking up a similar ring, the best diamond I could find that was comparable was a 1.3 carat F color, for $8500, without the setting!
So our dilemma. He hasn't saved up anything. He's talking about financing it, I don't think it's a good idea. I told him I'd take a Moissanite for $1200, but he won't hear of it. I have money of my own and I can pay for it myself. I told him that I'd loan him the money, I told him I'd pay half. He told me he was thinking a good ring would be around $4000, he didn't expect that I'd fall in love with something double the price. I didn't even go to the big rocks! It's just a perfect ring. So what do you all think we should do?
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Re: Ring Dilemma
You two should talk about it some more. Your post makes it sound like you're very much willing to compromise- you suggested a Moissanite or loaning him the money. So why don't you two discuss a budget (such as $4000 or maybe even less since he hasn't saved up anything) and then go look for rings in THAT price range. A good ring can be found for under $4000.
For me, we decided to custom design a ring together. The first estimate was out of our price range, so I decided to edit it to cut the costs back. My guy said to me, "No, I'll pay for it just the way you like it. You're worth it. It's an investment in our future." And I said to him, "No, it's a lot of money to pay just for something sparkly. It's not an investment. The investment for our future is making the decision to marry each other."
What I'm saying is that it may be a gorgeous ring and what you've dreamed of, but at the end of the day it's still just a piece of jewelry - what's important is your future together, and that includes financial well being (like not being in debt over something sparkly). Most guys want to be able to pay for the ring themselves, and there are plenty of beautiful rings (probably even similar to the one you liked) that are within the price range he gave. I also offered to help pay, so I do understand that, but my guy similarly declined. Financing is just a bad idea all around, so definitely discourage that.
Talk to your boyfriend and figure out where you can both feel comfortable compromising. None of us can make the decision for you, just give you our own perspectives.
Also, if a large stone is of importance to you and he is not willing to go with a diamond alternative (like moissanite), you might consider going down in quality. MOST women that have real diamonds do not have near-perfect stones. You can find a gorgeous, sparkly rock that will cost a lot less if you are willing to compromise on that. And I promise no one will notice unless they are looking at it under a microscope.
Good luck with the conversation - I hope you and your guy are able to have an honest discussion that will lead to a more comfortable shopping experience for you both!
I think I'd let go of that dream ring specifically, discuss a budget with your BF and then do some more looking around. You'll be able to find something similar.
[QUOTE]Are you sure the $8290 includes the diamond? Believe it or not, a lot of settings are that price. If it includes a 1.3 carat diamond, I'd be sure to have it appraised because there's something that doesn't add up right there - the diamond of that size starts around $8000, even at the lower end of the quality scale.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
FWIW...I have a 1.25 Color D and it was not $8000. If you want a large stone I would say go to a wholesaler or diamond trader NOT a jeweler. Jewelry stores have so much mark up for their diamonds. DH and I were able to get my diamond wholesale for a way better price. Just a thought.
I just wrote to say- BAKES!! Where have you been? We've missed you around these parts!
[QUOTE]Forgot to mention - COSTCO has amazing rings. Their stones are some of the best quality for the price and they don't work on commission. If you have a membership, you two might check them out. If not, check out their website...it may be worth getting a 1-year membership just for that purchase. (you do have to pay cash though, so you'd have to have the money in-hand)
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]
Um, YES! And you get the IGI appraisal with it. Costco's rings are an amazing deal for the price. Many of them sell for $3500-$5000 but have an appraisal around $9000-12000!
I second BlueNile.com and Costco! FI used to work for Costco and when I would visit him, I would often just stand by their jewelry case and drool. Their rings are gorgeous. I can't speak first hand for BlueNile, but I've poked around on the site when my old boss bought his fiancee's ring on there. They seem to have some great prices.
Also consider getting one with a lesser "clarity". This also drops the price. Mine has a small white dot, that you can only see if look up from the bottom... seriously who would do that? So because of that, he got a 1.17c diamond for $2200. I forget the color... but it matches my side diamond which are H or I...
my 2012 shelf:
Honestly, some men view the ring as an extension of their ego, for who knows why. So even though you may be fine with moissanite (which I don't think you will considering you're looking at D colored diamonds), he may not because he sees is as a "cheap" alternative. So if you really are only going for the look and not the cost, this is something you're going to have to discuss with him further, because judging by your taste, you're not gonna find it under $4k unless you downsize the center stone or you go the simulant route.
If you do go the simulant route, I would recommend this ring, as it sounds like the one you're describing.
http://shopping.schubachstore.com/Style-10523-Petite-Pave-Engagement-Ring-With-Prong-Set-Round-Dimaond-Side-Stones
I personally would recommend that you look at Ashas because of your color preference (it's what I have in my ring), or even Schubach's Radiance stones (they're very similar to Ashas, from what I've read) since he has so many settings that match what you're describing.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
And the DC universe, but that doesn't come in handy as often on the boards as I would like.
[QUOTE]Only about jewelry. ;) And the DC universe, but that doesn't come in handy as often on the boards as I would like.
Posted by PandaBurr[/QUOTE]
Off topic I'm sorry but Panda, FI and I and some friends were talking about sucker punch coming out and comic con and I immediately thought of you and was sooooo excited to share about how awesome you were making your own costumes. Yeah I get excited like that.
Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.
We had two funerals this month, and so we are piss broke, so I had to refund my Comic-Con tickets to make it to one of the funerals. So I'm not going any more, and thus my costumes have also been put on hold. I still have the sculpture I made for the body suit for the Star Sapphire costume, and I have most of the materials, so I can probably finish that costume still, but I don't want to start and risk not being able to finish it. Everything is on hold until after we put down on deposits for the wedding. I haven't even touched the Amber costume
But, the movie comes out in a week and a half!! YAY!
[QUOTE]We did go to a wholesaler called Diamonds Direct. Their rings are much cheaper than you'd find anywhere else. I am willing to compromise, like I said before, I'll pay for the whole thing today, but he won't let me even give half or a loan. He won't do moissanite or any lab created diamonds. He wants the real deal. We're going to have to discuss this quite a bit. Just was curious if anybody had given their fiance the money to buy the ring.
Posted by graveslr[/QUOTE]
If it makes you feel better, FI and I have a joint banking account, so technically we both paid for my ring.
You could try informing him that <em>you're getting married</em>, so any debt he incurs will also be yours, which I'm sure you are not particularly fond of the idea. That may pursuade him to let you help in paying for the ring.
[QUOTE]We did go to a wholesaler called Diamonds Direct. Their rings are much cheaper than you'd find anywhere else. I am willing to compromise, like I said before, I'll pay for the whole thing today, but he won't let me even give half or a loan. He won't do moissanite or any lab created diamonds. He wants the real deal. We're going to have to discuss this quite a bit. Just was curious if anybody had given their fiance the money to buy the ring.
Posted by graveslr[/QUOTE]
Like you, I offered, but for different reasons - I'm willing to buy something in his budget, but as he's a full time student, he doesn't have any income. So I offered to just pay for it, or at least split it with him. He turned the offer down. Men and their egos, huh?
Glad you could get such a good deal - just get it appraised by another jeweler after you buy it to make sure everything they said was accurate.
By compromise, I mean come to a happy medium. You want that style - he doesn't want to do a non-diamond. Perhaps do a slightly smaller center stone?
http://charlotte.craigslist.org/jwl/2260123389.html
http://charlotte.craigslist.org/jwl/2257551691.html
You could something like this ring, with a double halo so you can get the same look, but opt for a smaller center stone.
http://charlotte.craigslist.org/jwl/2231348845.html
[QUOTE]I would not buy a ring you cannot afford. Either wait until BF saves up more money or you need to talk about a less expensive ring. You should not go in to debt for a ring.
Posted by bakes218[/QUOTE]
THIS.
Don't buy a ring you can't afford. Buy a ring that is in the budget. Don't go in debt for a ring.
(Whether that's diamond or moissanite.)
[QUOTE]We did go to a wholesaler called Diamonds Direct. Their rings are much cheaper than you'd find anywhere else. I am willing to compromise, like I said before, I'll pay for the whole thing today, but <font color="#ff0000">he </font>won't let me even give half or a loan. <font color="#ff0000">He </font>won't do moissanite or any lab created diamonds. <font color="#ff0000">He </font>wants the real deal. We're going to have to discuss this quite a bit. Just was curious if anybody had given their fiance the money to buy the ring.
Posted by graveslr[/QUOTE]
You need to sit down with him and decide what you BOTH want.
I don't see anything wrong with you contributing to the ring cost if that's what works for both of you. However, I don't think that you should force helping pay on him if he really wants to do it alone.