Pre-wedding Parties

Trying not to overstep my boundaries but...

FSIL (Matron of honor) is throwing my lingerie shower. And through conversation, she has said that it will be a saucy ladies party. Not only is it something that I'm not that crazy about, but my fiance said absolutely not! We are very active in our church, and just not very comfortable with receiving these types of gifts. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally cool with getting gag gifts and other 'risky' items, I just don't want the whole shower centered around sex toys. My PERSONAL opinion is that it would hinder my physical relationship with my future husband because I would rely on a toy and not him. I don't think God created it to be that way. For all who use them, that is totally cool and your deal. It is none of my business, so please don't take this post and make it into something I'm not meaning it to be.
 

I'm having a hard time because I'm not really sure how to handle it. I've already told FSIL that fiance said no to a saucy ladies party and her response was, "I will talk to him." And when I told fiance this, he said that I needed to just handle it because it was my party. I don't want her to think that I want a rated G lingerie shower, but I also don't feel comfortable about having one that is so risqué that some BMs and very important ladies are left out. Basically the bottom line is that a saucy ladies party is out for us and I don't know how to tell her without her getting mad and taking it the wrong way. I've told her that I'm down for pretty much anything as long as there is no strippers, but then this came up.


Any help at all?

Re: Trying not to overstep my boundaries but...

  • garcias1garcias1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would decline the shower.  She needs to respect your wishes, and she should want to do something that you would feel uncomfortable doing.  I also wouldn't want a shower in which I open lingerie in front of my Grandma.
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    Puppy Love
  • edited December 2011
    What PP said.  Decline the shower, and if asked why, explain that it's just not an idea your comfortable with.
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  • edited December 2011
    You can politely decline a shower if you're uncomfortable with her idea of a good time.  If she asks why, maybe just simply say "I don't really need any MORE lingerie."  I wouldn't spout off your beliefs because she probably doesn't follow you there if she's planning this in the first place, but by making it clear that maybe household items would be more useful to you and your FI.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think this is something you should run to your FI about, and have him handle for you.It's not his shower, and if you feel uncomfortable with it (and keeping FI's opinions in mind) then just tell her no. 

    Tell her you appreciate the offer, but maybe we could have a different kind of shower because you are uncomfortable with a lingerie shower. I wouldn't lecture her or spill your religious beliefs on her, because everyone's opinions differ, and it is sweet of her to offer the shower.

    If this were me I'd say "Hey, FSIL I thank you so much for wanting to throw me a lingerie shower, but this is something that I am not comfortable with at all (leave your FI out of it), if you are still really wanting to throw me a shower, could we do something I'd be more comfortable with?" 

    The reason I say leave FI out of this is: 
    1) you need to be able to stand up for yourself (and trust me, I always ask FI for his opinions, so I know where you're coming from, but I don't think this situation really involves him) and, 
    2) this is FSIL's brother, if you keep saying "FI and I" she'll just go to her brother and say something like:  "seriously brother, get over it, every girl gets lingerie showers". 


    If she still won't throw something you are comfortable with then just tell her flat out, I appreciate the offer, but I'd like to not have a shower. 


    Anniversary
  • lexa10lexa10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Thanks for the advice. I'm going to talk to her soon. I think she will understand if I do it very nicely and carfullly.

    I'm not agianst a lingerie shower or getting any off the wall things or even playing some questionable games. I just don't want a shower where I get a bunch of sex toys and such. The ladies that would attend would be totally cool with lingerie, games, gag gifts, etc, just not toys that are to be used solo. I think FSIL will understand this!

    Thanks for the tips girls!

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