Etiquette Questions

lvissers · March 2012

I had a couple questions about Etiquette that I wanted your opinions on:
1. Is writing "Adult Reception To Follow" on my invitations rude or bad etiquette to remind my guests that their children are not invited? I have many friends with young babies and kids now and my fiance and I have decided that we would like to have a children free reception. This is for personal preference as well as guest list limit and budget. The only child present at our wedding willl be my fiance's daughter and my soon to be step daughter who will be 3 at the time of the wedding. I love children to death, but don't visualize a bunch of kids at my wedding. Our wedding is a formal and evening (6pm ceremony) wedding with reception following...I know some people don't read how their invitations are addressed and might assume their new baby who is almost a year old can come with them since the wedding is in San Diego, and many of our guests will be traveling from LA and Arizona. Ok to write "Adult Only Reception" wording on invitations or is this something that will be have to spread by word of mouth? Thoughts??

2. Our ceremony is set to begin at 6pm sharp. I was thinking of writing 5:30pm ceremony start time on our invitations since traffic coming from LA to San Diego can be horrible in the summer months on the weekends, especially with the Del Mar horse races. Some people may not realize this. I've already placed that info on our website, but not sure how many guests use website info. With most of my side of the family traveling that way, I don't want anyone to underestimate how long it takes. But then I read somewhere this is bad etiquette for the guests that do arrive on time would be standing around waiting. I want our ceremony to start at 6pm on the dot since it is already later and cocktail and dinner following that I don't want pushed back any later. Thoughts?

bridetobe71412 · March 2012

Here are my thoughts:

1) No, please do not write this on your invitation. You can write it on your website if you'd like, but DO NOT write who ISN'T included on the invitation. If people reply with their kids, you'll have to call them and gently explain that while you love their kids, it's an adult-only reception.

We are having the exact same issue and BELIEVE ME I would love to be able to say "Adult Reception" on our invitations. Instead, I just put this info on our website and my mom is letting my aunts/uncles/cousins know by word of mouth in the nicest way possible. E.g. "Oh, it's a really old, historic estate and they don't permit young children" has been my mom's go-to, despite the fact that it's not really true.

Also keep in mind that many people assume there's an exception for nursing mothers. We're making an exception for nursing mothers but if it were truly up to me, I would have a hard-and-fast "No kids" rule so that it's clear.

2) Put your ceremony time as 6pm. If the people don't get there on time, it's on them. You already said you have this info on your website; I think that suffices. And you're right w/r/t your point about people who arrive on time - or give themselves EXTRA time and arrive early. They will be standing around, pissed.

MeaganR12 · March 2012

bridetobe said it best, on both accounts.

The ceremony start time is something my FI and I are passionate (for lack of a better word) about as well. Ours starts at 6 PM and we will not be starting a minute later for the same reasons you mentioned. People who really want to see the ceremony will make it a priority to be there on time. And if people are late they'll sit in the back and I guarantee that you and your FI will not notice, you'll have bigger things going on in that moment.

dramaqueen91087 · March 2012

Please don't do either of these things. It is rude to put who is not invited on the invitation. Just put who is invited and people will figure it out. If they don't then call them to explain, they may not come but at least no one was rude.

As for start time, I get everywhere early and would be really annoyed if I had to sit around and wait for half an hour extra because you lied to me about the time. Yeah, people may be late, but it will be fine and you probably won't even notice.

lvissers · March 2012

Ok, thanks for the help girls :-) I might find somewhere on my website to not "Adult Reception" wording and will spread the word by mouth to friends and family. Nowhere will I write out "no children" or kids are not invited. I'll also keep our ceremony start time at 6 and put that time on our invitations.

Madisonpenny · March 2012

I agree with not putting the "adult only reception' on the invite but this is the problem i see in not doing it. Even if they RSVP with '2 attending" they not be counting their 6 month old son since they won't be eating a meal. Then what happens when mom, dad and baby show up at the ceremony? you can't turn them away but it also looks like they got special privileges.

littlemoments324 · March 2012

1) No, it is rude to put adult only reception. To avoid extra people, we're printing the guests names on the RSVP card:

We have reserved two seats in your honor. Please check your meal option:

Not Attending Beef Chicken Vegetarian

Mr. John Smith
Mrs. Rebecca Smith

2) Agreed: Put your ceremony start time at 6pm...people will know to leave early anyways...

MeaganR12 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_etiquette-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:1a04db92-0b70-4b30-9cf3-e679acddd354Post:e2a6cb43-6cee-47ad-90c9-51d6f1bbcc05">Re: Etiquette Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with not putting the "adult only reception' on the invite but this is the problem i see in not doing it. Even if they RSVP with '2 attending" they not be counting their <strong>6 month old son</strong> since they won't be eating a meal. Then what happens when mom, dad and baby show up at the ceremony? you can't turn them away but it also looks like they got special privileges.
Posted by Madisonpenny[/QUOTE]

<div>Well I think <em>technically </em>a nursing mother and infant (I'm just assuming a 6 month old would be breastfeeding) are a completely different situation and should always be allowed. But I see your point. </div>

msbdumas · March 2012

I see that everyone in their post said that it is rude to put adult reception only on the invites but all the non childrend weddings I've been too..they have put that on the invites and I've never know ppl to be offended by it..I might just how things are done in your area..around my town ppl do that and don't get offended..so I would say its not rude but if you don't feel comfortable putting it then I would word of mouth and on your Wed websit. !

butterflyjumper1 · March 2012

100% agree with everyone else. Do NOT put "adult reception" on your invitation. What you CAN do is the line on your RSVP card that says "___ Seats have been reserved in your honor". if the couple has two kids, and you indicate that only two seats have been reserved, this is a pretty clear indication that the kids are not welcome.

As far as the ceremony start time, I think you should plan to start at 6....BUT make sure all guests who have already arrived at the ceremony venue have been seated before you actually start. The March 17th wedding I went to actually started 2 minutes early, and I kid you not, there were four families actually walking into the church sanctuary at the SAME TIME the bride was walking down the aisle. I agree that you shouldn't tell the guests to arrive a half hour before you are planning on starting - but I found what happened at this wedding extremely distracting (I found myself checking out the groups of people who had to stand up and were walking around looking for seats instead of the BMs and then the bride who were walking down the aisle).

Have your coordinator at your ceremony site touch base with the ushers before actually starting the music and the first seatings. Make sure eveyrone who has arrived is seated, then start. I am planning to do this, and would much prefer to start 5 minutes late than have guests interrupting the beginning of the ceremony.

Carla1019 · March 2012

I agree that the wedding has to start when the invitation states. But I'm having a musical performance for the first 20 minutes and then the WP will walk. I think this is the best way to entertain those on time but also allow a few more minutes for late comers to not miss the "start" of the ceremony.

RyansBelovedBride · March 2012

I always assume wedding will start five or ten minutes after they say they will. That's nto to say that I arrive at the exact time (I prefer to get there early). But I think most every wedding I've been to the ceremony starts a few minutes late.

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