I'm a wedding moron. What people do we need?

JJJ625 · December 2011

I'm getting married in June. Neither of us have been to many weddings, and this is the1st (and only!) marriage for both of us.

My FI have chosen the wedding party (3 on my side, 3 on his, 2 flower girls, a ring bearer, and a cutie pie flower girl escort) and the officiant. Are ushers necessary for a casual-ish outdoor wedding? Do we need someone at the guest book table? Who else do we need?

artbyallie · December 2011

Guest book person is a crap job nobody wants. Plus, people know to sign the guest book. Ushers are optional. Frankly, any wedding party at all is optional. Include the people you love, and don't get hung up on having even sides. Ours happened to work out evenly, but if one of us had had more, it wouldn't have been a big deal.

almost-a-bride · December 2011

I would say no to ushers at the style wedding your having, and no to a guestbook person.

Avion22 · December 2011

You don't need any attendants (though your state may require witnesses to sign the license). Though, I suppose you could have as many attendants as you want. I'm one of those weird people opposed to flower girls and ring bearers (don't like the idea of using innocent kids as props in my wedding) but I know that not everyone feels the same way.

I don't think you need ushers or a guest book attendant. People can generally figure out how to seat themselves, get themselves a program, and sign a guest book.

P.S. Those of us on our second marriage (especially widdows like me) find it offensive when people say that this will be their "first and only" wedding. You can't control what will happen in the future that will result in getting married again some day down the road. You may not have meant it, but saying that comes across as extrremely judgemental.

seesawgirl · December 2011

I've been married before, and wasn't offended.

Sometimes when people say "first marriage" people who think they are being funny will say "Are you planning on having a second?"

In regards to the OP- To me, what you need done during your wedding, not the style of the wedding, is what dictates whether or not you need ushers. Are you having assigned seating during the reception? Do you need someone to light candles, hand out programs, tell people where the bathroom is? Ushers are a great person to have for that purpose. Placed near the entrance, dressed in wedding attire, people will assume that they know a bit about the venue, and can be a real help to parents of children that need to be changed, etc.

Although I am having an outdoor wedding, getting to the actual courtyard from the parking lot of the venue is a bit confusing. If you go the wrong way, you'll walk into our ceremony site from the "front" instead of by the guest book. So we'll have an usher stationed in the parking lot before the wedding, helping people find the entrance, and also one near the front of the actual site.

I agree with the guest book thing though. Its a crap job...you know what to do with a guest book. If you're having something different, such as a blessing book, you can print out what you would like everyone to do, frame it nicely, and set it on the table next to the pen and book.

slpankuch · December 2011

The people you "need" are: the officiant and witness.

The typical wedding: Attendants (bridesmaids, maid of honor, groomsmen, best man) It is up to you how many on each side you want. You can do just a maid of honor and best man or none at all. * They can serve as witnesses
Officant
Ushers are optional. I will not be having ushers because I am having an informal outdoor wedding as well.

If you do not have ushers. I would suggest trying to show with side is which (brides v. groom) if you want the families segregated. Also make sure you have the front row reserved for close family like parents.

JJJ625 · December 2011

Saying this will be our only wedding isn't judgmental. It's hopeful. I'm pretty sure that's obvious. No one sane gets married thinking it will be their first of multiple weddings.

Thanks for the advice about not needing a guest book person or ushers- you're right, my guests are pretty intelligent and can figure it out.

lenergyrlah · December 2011

Sometimes people like to honor their parents and grandparents by having them seated last, after the other guests and just before the bridal party walks in. If you are planning to do this, you can have them walk up alone, or escorted by an usher. I've seen separate "ushers" do this but often it is considered the groomsmen's responsibility.

If you are having a guest book, it is probably a good idea to have someone stand by it and remind people to sign it (and to get the pen back!). You could have a separate "guest book attendent" (this position sucks IMO!) or ask a bridesmaid/groomsman to do it. The same goes for handing out programs. I'm planning to ask my groomsmen to act as "ushers" and two of my bridesmaids to hand out programs / handle the guest book.

But none of this stuff is manditory, especially since you're having a casual wedding.

It might be a good idea to have someone help you (maybe the children's parents?) with the children in case they act out. Generally the bridesmaids walk down, then the children, then the bride. You don't want to be alone in the back with 3 screaming children!

iloveu4ever · December 2011

No you don't need ushers unless you want them.

Avion22 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-wedding-moron-people-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:95a37f6f-29f0-4673-978b-8be8674c9834Post:3539e88a-ba84-465e-8cf5-7c2d5b8fa9f5">Re: I'm a wedding moron. What people do we need?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Saying this will be our only wedding isn't judgmental. It's hopeful.</strong> I'm pretty sure that's obvious. No one sane gets married thinking it will be their first of multiple weddings. Thanks for the advice about not needing a guest book person or ushers- you're right, my guests are pretty intelligent and can figure it out. :)
Posted by JJJ625[/QUOTE]

<div>It often comes across as judgemental, even if it's not meant that way. Just sayin'.</div>

KGailloreto · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_im-wedding-moron-people-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:95a37f6f-29f0-4673-978b-8be8674c9834Post:0d4e9fe5-87d9-4cfb-ad71-86b8f5b57b97">Re: I'm a wedding moron. What people do we need?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm a wedding moron. What people do we need? : It often comes across as judgemental, even if it's not meant that way. Just sayin'.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

Perhaps to you, it does..
Just because you find it offensive doesn't mean it's offensive across the board. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did for you but OP is getting married for the "first and hopefully only" time and is excited, as she should be. I really think you're reading too much into it. Unless she stated specifically somewhere that she looks down on those who have been married more than once..

@OP: We're having ushers mainly to hand out water to elderly/thirsty guests as our ceremony will be outdoors in mid-June (and obviously to help them to their seats). As PPs have said, you don't need anyone but yourselves, an officiant, and witness/es, but that's not to say you <em>can't</em> have other people in different roles.

I'm a wedding moron. What people do we need?

Re: I'm a wedding moron. What people do we need?

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