Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Pre-wedding Parties
Pre-wedding Parties
New Discussion
Options

not comfortable with shower *long but CN at end*

meganb1977meganb1977 member
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
I am not comfortable at social gatherings and fiance and I are established in our home, so I advised everyone that I did not want or need a shower and asked for them not to plan anything and asked fiance not to disclose the guest list.  Unfortunately, he gave the list to one of my bridesmaids anyway who wanted to plan something, and invitations for a couple's shower went out before I knew anything and could have maybe made a compromise with fiance that if it was important to him to have the party it could be scaled back for me.  The bridesmaid offered to cancel the shower when she realized how truly upset I was, but fiance wants to go through with it.

I'm going to feel really awkward being the center of attention.  And although fiance and the bridesmaid reassured me that it's not so and people will not give two gifts if they don't want to, I hate for it to appear that I "accepted" the shower and I'm gift grabby.  I don't know whether it will help at the shower that I will be better acquainted with everyone than I usually am at parties, or whether it will be hard for me that I'm the guest of honor.

The bridesmaid hosting already suggested that I either arrive early so I'm not bombarded with people, or I thought of arriving late so I'm not sitting around waiting for everyone to get there. I plan to bring my own vehicle, show my face for a while, and then if I'm feeling uncomfortable I can leave once people start heading home and she will cover for me that I wasn't feeling well. She also suggested that we don't have to open the gifts in front of everyone, and I feel better about that because I am not sure how well I could hide my reaction to unwanted items. She also said she won't take pictures except maybe one or two cutting the cake. Fiance seems agreeable to all of this and understands he knows I'll need him to be strong and shield me from some of the attention, and has agreed to do something nice after the shower to give me something to look forward to and help me get through it.

CN:  I am uncomfortable at social gatherings but a couple's shower has been planned against my wishes.

Please let me know if you have any ideas how I could be more at ease and make it through the party.  (Aside from over-indulging on wine!)  TIA
Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
Report Reply to Post

Re: not comfortable with shower *long but CN at end*

  • Options
    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ditto Retread.

    No one is going to think you're gift grabby for accepting the shower.
    I like the idea of you and fi arriving early and greeting the guests as they arrive. It might help you ease into the party. Your fi could open the gifts while you sit beside him and open the cards. You don't have to critique each gift. Just say 'Thank you,  Aunt Gladys.' ' Thank you, Mary.' Don't worry about being repetitive. Thank you is always appropriate, no matter how many times you say it.

    Have you discussed your social phobia with your doctor? Medication for these situations might be helpful. Or maybe a glass of wine might help relax you before the big event.
                       
    Report Reply
  • Options
    HilraythebrideHilraythebride member
    First Comment
    I can understand where you are coming from but I really think you DO need to open the gifts in front of the guests.  This is a way to say than you and honor them and show everyone what you recieved.  Guests really like showing iff what they got the bride.  They may be offended if you don't open them.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime"
    Report Reply
  • Options
    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    I don't understand why the bridesmaid who planned the party doesn't know you well enough to know that you wouldn't want something like that.

    I also don't understand why your FI went against your express wishes and gave out the guest list.  You should have made that decision together. 

    But if you do want to go through with it, I ditto the above ladies.  You do need to open the gifts, but it's okay to not make a big production out of it, or even call attention to the fact that you're doing it.  And thanking the giver gives you an automatic bit of conversation starter.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    ilovezakilovezak member
    First Comment
    I feel uncomfortable about being center of attention too I get super nervous about everyone looking at me and watching me open gifts ( I know from experience of a baby shower) but just smile and say thank you even if you don’t like the gift that much just smile! lol It really is a lot of fun though and not that bad! Nobody will think negatively of you for having one! Most brides do. My advice would be don’t overthink it, Try to relax, have a couple drinks with your friends and play some games :) It’s a special time in your life celebrate it!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards