So Discouraged..

KatfshhRN · July 2011

I have been reading and reading! I thought I found a venue, but now I think it's just not worth it. I had found a private home that sleeps up to 20. (We have 23 in our family, probably a total of 50 will be at the wedding.) And I loved the idea of a venue and cermony site that was a private beach home that we could also stay at. But, when I price it all up, it still winds up being about 6k without, anything! I still have to rent tables, chairs, and get a caterer. So, I went back to the old idea of a wedding on a beach with the same location for the reception, but again same thing, except now we need a place to stay. I just wanted to make this simple. I had a stressful, big wedding 23 years ago with my first husband. I really want this to be simple, fun, and nice! No stress. Ugh. Thanks for listening!

carrieoz_76 · July 2011

What island are you looking at? You can get married on the grassy area in front of the Five Palms Restaurant in Kihei in Maui for a nominal fee if you're holding your reception dinner there. 50 is a lot of guests (are you sure you'll have that many?), but you could look into their private room. We had 29 guests at our reception dinner there and they accommodated us well.

KatfshhRN · July 2011

I was planning on Oahu, only because it's the easiest place to get to, and get around for our guests We livin in S. California, but I have some relatives on the East coast that want to come. Plus, of all the islands my kids have been to, they like Oahu the best. They thought Maui was boring. They range in age from 12-22. (between the two of us, there are 6 of them.) But, I am still very open minded. Thank you so much for the idea! I will look into it.

Kathy

sparklegirl84 · July 2011

It's really stressful in the beginning. Don't lose hope, it'll get better. I went back n forth on the private home vs venue thing vs luau dinner. Have you looked at paradise cove weddings? They have a grassy area near the beach and it might be less stress because they take care of the ceremony portion. There cheapest option is $862. After that you could do a dinner at a restaurant? TIki's grill and bar in waikiki is $30/pp for a buffett on there outdoor lanai that overlooks the beach. Add on transportation if you want (party busses?) and you could still be under like $3k.

KatfshhRN · July 2011

In Response to Re: So Discouraged..:
[QUOTE. There cheapest option is $862. After that you could do a dinner at a restaurant? TIki's grill and bar in waikiki is $30/pp for a buffett on there outdoor lanai that overlooks the beach. Add on transportation if you want (party busses?) and you could still be under like $3k.
Posted by sparklegirl84[/QUOTE]

I will look into that. I am already getting a little flack from friends about the house idea. They all want to be able to stay, but I really have to worry about family. But, a lot of my family can't commit yet, so paying 1100 a night, plus a venue fee is a little scary. So, I am thinking that I am going to get away from the private home idea. Although, I really wanted to have a lot of autonomy in the decorating, centerpieces, candles. I don't see that being possible at a restaurant. Sigh...

sparklegirl84 · July 2011

To be honest i thought id like that too, to be able to decorate etc at our private venue...but its a pain because shipping is outrageous & now im bringing a bunch of luggage instead.

kaesha · July 2011

Just throwing this out there, but I vote for doing what works for you guys. If a different island works better for how you want to get married, go there. I get that you still have to entertain the younger kids, but worrying about the older ones being bored shouldn't be your problem. Twenty-two is resoundingly old enough to entertain oneself, you know?

Prioritize what's important to you and your fiancé first. What's really important to the two of you (and no one else)? Is it crucial that you stay with ALL of your family under one roof? Or is it most important to be with your kids? Your parents? Or is it having easy reception? Or the ability to personalize everything?

Honestly, I'm a big proponant of the idea adults (generally) don't need looking after. Giving guidance is a good thing, but you shouldn't need to baby them. Worrying about whether they're coming or not, and taking up space in your place (or not), is a huge burden. HUGE. I think an important part of simplifying is identifying your priorities and cutting the rest from the list. So maybe you spend less money and get a smaller place for yourselves (that'll still allow you to have the party and sleep your nearest and dearest) give the rest of your family and friends leads on other rental places in the area instead. If getting the big place is important, maybe you have a casual backyard bbq on beach blankets for the reception.

WinstonsGirl · July 2011

[QUOTE]Just throwing this out there, but I vote for doing what works for you guys. <div>
</div><div>Prioritize what's important to you and your fiancé first. </div><div>Posted by kaesha[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Absolutely agree with this. You've got to do what works for you two. We already know a lot of friends and my Granny can't make Hawaii, but it works a lot better than staying home. We'll really miss Granny though. </div><div>
</div><div>That said, we're at the Outrigger Reef Hotel. Not sure if you're looking for a hotel wedding instead of beach, but they've got several packages for on the beach and overlooking the beach as well. Several include ceremony and reception with tables, linens, etc. You can also add on (at your cost) extras you want - more flowers, different linens, etc. We've been working with Cara at the Reef through e-mail and she's been super fast with responses (usually within a day, occasionally 2) and has been really helpful so far. </div><div>
</div><div>Keep trolling the internet to see what you can find that works for what you guys want and within your budget

</div>

Tanq&Tonic · July 2011

I agree with Alyson! Do what works for you. Let your guests take care of themselves. Let the parents & adult children plan for themselves. They can always island hop between Maui and Oahu if a certain type of entertainment is so important. A number of our guests island hopped and it worked just fine.

I would also say not to stress about the house or providing an option. It's very nice of you to, and I think many of us would have liked to, but it's pretty well understood that in a destination wedding, guests pay their own airfare & hotel. Unless that is the single most important thing to you, don't blow your budget on acommodations. Let your guests worry about that and use the money for the wedding you want, plus an additional treat like a welcome BBQ or something.

Hang in there...you'll make it work. Just have to prioritize. I don't mean to be an ungracious host, but don't worry about bending over backwards and sacrificing the wedding elements you want, unless that is your priority

FSForever · July 2011

Like the other Alyson and Tanq I agree with what works for you and your FI is what is most important.

With that being said I I know how difficult it is to blend the kids and family in a second marriage and try to please everyone without going over budget. We have 6 of our kids that will be with us, ages 14 to 23, and although we love them all they can fend for themselves most of the time. We have told them that they will have a budget for activities but that we may not be able to join them and they will be responsible for the youngest. None of them have a problem with this.

Have you thought about condos? We are getting a one bedroom for us and bunking the kids in a 2bd/2bath with loft condo. We are getting both for $300 a night. When we get into Maui we will stop at Costco and stock both condos up with snacks, drinks, bbq items etc. This way if they sleep in or want to stay up late not a bother to us. By the way they all are very good respectful kids so we know they will take care of the unit and of course we will be nearby. We would love to stay in a big resort and eat out every night but it just isn't in our budget if we bring the kids and that is more important to us.

As far as having the autonomy of decor, you can have that at some of the restaurants. We are getting married on the beach and then driving the 5-7 mins up the hill to Gannon's for our reception on the Lower Lawn. They have a whole package or you can just book the site and DIY with your own WC, althought they dont require a WC. I have already planned our table decor and we have started purchasing items for the DIY centerpieces. As far as fun decor throughout the week we are incorrporating our theme into our welcome bbq and different activities.

Hang in there. It is very stressful to start but once you find a place you and book it you will feel more at ease just keep looking.

KatfshhRN · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_discouraged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:a7f6ce26-ea1f-40ba-a0a4-30bc2eedb297Post:69cc2d4c-965d-4476-accf-90c3c141c314">Re: So Discouraged..</a>:
[QUOTE]Like the other Alyson and Tanq I agree with what works for you and your FI is what is most important. With that being said I I know how difficult it is to blend the kids and family in a second marriage and try to please everyone without going over budget. We have 6 of our kids that will be with us, ages 14 to 23, and although we love them all they can fend for themselves most of the time. We have told them that they will have a budget for activities but that we may not be able to join them and they will be responsible for the youngest. None of them have a problem with this. Have you thought about condos? We are getting a one bedroom for us and bunking the kids in a 2bd/2bath with loft condo. We are getting both for $300 a night. When we get into Maui we will stop at Costco and stock both condos up with snacks, drinks, bbq items etc. This way if they sleep in or want to stay up late not a bother to us. By the way they all are very good respectful kids so we know they will take care of the unit and of course we will be nearby. We would love to stay in a big resort and eat out every night but it just isn't in our budget if we bring the kids and that is more important to us. As far as having the autonomy of decor, you can have that at some of the restaurants. We are getting married on the beach and then driving the 5-7 mins up the hill to Gannon's for our reception on the Lower Lawn. They have a whole package or you can just book the site and DIY with your own WC, althought they dont require a WC. I have already planned our table decor and we have started purchasing items for the DIY centerpieces. As far as fun decor throughout the week we are incorrporating our theme into our welcome bbq and different activities. Hang in there. It is very stressful to start but once you find a place you and book it you will feel more at ease just keep looking.
Posted by FSForever[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much! Can I ask you what condo's you are staying in?

FSForever · July 2011

We are actually getting married on Maui. Staying at Kamaole Sands in Kihei. Go through VBRO when looking for a place. This condo site has rentals but we found going through an individual owner you get a better deal and many of them own multiple units. Just look at their reviews to make sure they are reputable.

KatfshhRN · July 2011

Ok thanks! I love VRBO. We were in Kauai in May and booked through an owner on VRBO. We had the nicest unit there! It was also an Outrigger facility and the unit that we rented was beautiful. We made friends with a few other couples who rented through Outrigger, they paid more and their units were not nearly as nice.

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