Hi All - I'm brand new to this, so I apologize if this is well-covered territory, and for the length...(please feel free to point me in the right direction if you can tell me where to find similar issues...I haven't found it myself)...
My little brother is getting married in August...which they just pinned down about 2 weeks ago after flip-flopping forever. His fiance asked me to be a BM shortly after they got engaged, and I gladly accepted. I live about 2000 miles away, everyone else is relatively local (only 3 BMs total), so the distance complicates things, even more so because she doesn't want to do any online shopping...everything must be brick and mortar, meaning anywhere we shop needs to be readily available in both regions. All the females in the party are plus-sized, but the bride and other 2 BMs are in the lower range...14/16, 18ish. I usually wear up to 30/32. Now that they've pinned down a date, there's not much time to get everything together, but at least she has the venue and her dress so far. She and the other BMs all went to DB together a few times and she's selected 2 nearly identical short, strapless, chiffon dresses that she likes and look great on the other BMs...but when I went to try them on at my local DB, the size 26 (highest size available in either dress, and most DB dresses from what I've found) was still at least 2 sizes too small (I was able to sausage myself into the lower portion, but the lining was stuck over my hips, and the zipper was entirely gaped open all the way down - I felt stitches popping - humiliating), and laughably short (and I'm only 5'4"). I left the store and burst into tears as soon as I got in my car. The reviews for both dresses include problems with fit and alterations, ripping (esp since they're chiffon), and though the dresses are both <$150, I don't trust that alterations won't bump up the price to far more than double that - even if there were some miracle seamstress that could find a way to shove a watermelon into a banana peel. For modesty's sake, I'm also INCREDIBLY uncomfortable in strapless (I'm about an F cup), and she's not happy that I want to wear a cardigan/jacket, nor does she want me to wear tights (I want to because it hits me about mid-thigh - HELLO!). I've suggested numerous online sites (Igigi, Eliza Parker, among others), as well as Alfred Angelo (strikingly similar options to what she wants, and even if the size 30 still might be tight, it stands a much better chance of being alter-able), and she is adamant that my only options are these 2 dresses. I have also been told to let her know my "decision" by the end of the week because DB told her there won't be enough time otherwise.
This is my only sibling's wedding, and I very much want to be part of it, but how do I handle this when I'm being sized out of the equation? There are no readings or other "positions" for me to fill either - so if I back out I'm out altogether, and I fear that would cause worse unnecessary drama/tension. To be clear: even if this were some puffy-sleeved monstrosity in an awful color, I would still gladly wear it as long as I could squeeze into it and all my private bits were covered, so this has nothing to do with her style choice - I just literally cannot fit into her choices and she is utterly unwilling to consider other options or let me wear something different. Am I wrong for feeling that she's being unreasonable? I understand this is supposed to be "her day", but I'm thinking of the pictures and the utter disaster that will be me standing around half-naked in front of both our families, and she seems completely unconcerned. I am devastated.