BM drama and stress help!

cryst84 · March 2012

Wow that just looks funny, bm help, lol anyway on a serious note...

one of my bridesmaids had to back out of the wedding becuase she lives 3 states away and well life happens so I had a back up who was excited about being in the wedding i work with her so it's fun. Long story short, the wedding is in a month and she still hasn't gone to get fitted for her dress and another bridesmaid went two weeks ago and her dress isnt going to be in until like a week before the wedding. I'm to the point of just saying don't worry about it becuase if she can't get the dress then there's no way id make an exception and fit her in anyway, I have reminded her several times and she's had 3 paychecks of over 800 since i asked her so there is no ecuse on why she couldn't have already purchased her dress,
idk what do you all think about the situation.
If she can't get her dress in time I will have an uneven wedding party...makes me sad

em01092 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:d62b0f3d-009e-466d-be0d-709414e57ae0">BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow that just looks funny, bm help, lol anyway on a serious note... one of my bridesmaids had to back out of the wedding becuase she lives 3 states away and well life happens <strong>so I had a back up who was excited about being in the wedding i work with her so it's fun</strong>. Long story short, the wedding is in a month and she still hasn't gone to get fitted for her dress and another bridesmaid went two weeks ago and her dress isnt going to be in until like a week before the wedding. I'm to the point of just saying don't worry about it becuase if she can't get the dress then there's no way id make an exception and fit her in anyway, I have reminded her several times and she's had 3 paychecks of over 800 since i asked her so there is no ecuse on why she couldn't have already purchased her dress, idk what do you all think about the situation.<strong> If she can't get her dress in time I will have an uneven wedding party...makes me sad :(</strong>
Posted by cryst84[/QUOTE]

<div>Your first mistake was asking a replacement. Think of how she probably felt as a "back up." You say she was excited, but she also may have been hurt that she wasn't good enough to be asked outright and just didn't say anything.</div><div>
</div><div>As far as her dress, just leave it alone. Tell her the absolute last day she can order and leave it up to her. If she doesn't get it, she has removed herself. Did you ask her if the dress was in her budget first? Her income isn't your business. She may have a lot of other, more pressing matters (bills, loans, life expenses, etc) to put her money towards than a dress. </div><div>
</div><div>Uneven numbers are fine. Why does it make you sad? There is no reason you need to have even sides. </div>

sparent2010 · March 2012

So your backup BM has no dress .Did you give her a deadline?

Give her a deadline and if she doesn't order by then she takes herself out of the wedding party.

Uneven sides=NBD.

cpm1223 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:d62b0f3d-009e-466d-be0d-709414e57ae0">BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow that just looks funny, bm help, lol anyway on a serious note... one of my bridesmaids had to back out of the wedding becuase she lives 3 states away and well life happens so I had a back up who was excited about being in the wedding i work with her so it's fun. Long story short, the wedding is in a month and she still hasn't gone to get fitted for her dress and another bridesmaid went two weeks ago and her dress isnt going to be in until like a week before the wedding. I'm to the point of just saying don't worry about it becuase if she can't get the dress then there's no way id make an exception and fit her in anyway, I have reminded her several times and she's had 3 paychecks of over 800 since i asked her so there is no ecuse on why she couldn't have already purchased her dress, idk what do you all think about the situation. <strong>If she can't get her dress in time I will have an uneven wedding party...makes me sad</strong> :(
Posted by cryst84[/QUOTE]

Seriously? Its not the end of the world to have an uneven wedding party.

When your BM backed out, you shouldn't have added a "back up" BM in the first place.

Also, about the paychecks, its not up to you to tell her how to spend that $, maybe she has bills to pay and even after the $800 paychecks, its still not leaving her with enough $ for the dress.

MattsPenguin · March 2012

Get over the "uneven sides" issue. I had 6; FI had 3. The world didn't stop!

It was rude of you to ask this friend as a backup, which basically says "you are good enough to make my numbers work out, but you weren't my first choice".

That aside, give her a deadline and if she doesn't meet it, then she's not in it. Alternatively, if she can't get the dress in time, you could find a different dress for her to wear through used dresses or new at a department store. That is, if you actually want this person in your wedding party.

dmiller9274 · March 2012

If she doesn't get her dress in time, just have the GM play a quick game of Russian roulette. That'll even out the sides.

baystateapple · March 2012

On another note, it's none of your business how much she makes or what she does with it, so get that out of your head right now.

If she doesn't have the dress the day of the wedding, she's removed herself from the party.

cryst84 · March 2012

She acutally pretty much invited herself to be the BM so i didn't ask her but I felt relieved that i had a fill in at the same time.
Also i understand how money goes but if she refrained from buying a bag of green for just one week then she would be good to go.
It's just frustrating. We have been planing for over a year and I just wanted things to be the way i wanted them that's why i gave myself plenty of time. oh well

Meegles4 · March 2012

I have uneven sides (6 and 7). I had even sides, and then a BM backed out due to pregnancy. I didn't replace her.

I do think you're kinda all up in her business if you know what her paychecks are and are mad she hasn't bought the dress yet. I don't know what paychecks my co-workers are bringing home and even if I did, I would have no clue what personal expenses they have that make up their monthly budget.

I'd give her a drop dead to go in for the dress, and if she doesn't, she's basically taking herself out of the wedding. Personally, I think a month out is really cutting it close, but I'm also curious how long ago you asked her to be a BM? If that was recent, then it sort of makes sense why she hasn't gone yet. If you asked her several months ago, then I agree that's frustrating.

Having uneven sides isn't sad. You just have 2 guys escort 1 girl. Or, you have the girls walk down the aisle by themselves and the guys stand next to your FI. It all works out.

baystateapple · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:35fa2d7c-fbe2-4736-bb1e-c27e97944576">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]She acutally pretty much invited herself to be the BM so i didn't ask her but I felt relieved that i had a fill in at the same time. <strong>Also i understand how money goes but if she refrained from buying a bag of green for just one week then she would be good to go.</strong> It's just frustrating. We have been planing for over a year and I just wanted things to be the way i wanted them that's why i gave myself plenty of time. oh well
Posted by cryst84[/QUOTE]

This is what I was saying before. It's not your business how she spends her money. Remind her that the dress needs to be purchased by X date, and then let it go.

And yes, we do plan things hoping that they'll go swimmingly, but unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way. Being an adult means learning to roll with the punches.

MattsPenguin · March 2012

I understand that changes, especially close to the wedding can be very stressful. But at some point you have to get over it and focus on the big picture.

Like we all said, just give her a deadline (and stop looking at her paychecks).

cpm1223 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:35fa2d7c-fbe2-4736-bb1e-c27e97944576">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]She acutally pretty much invited herself to be the BM so i didn't ask her but I felt relieved that i had a fill in at the same time. Also i understand how money goes but if she refrained from buying a <strong>bag of green</strong> for just one week then she would be good to go. It's just frustrating. We have been planing for over a year and I just wanted things to be the way i wanted them that's why i gave myself plenty of time. oh well
Posted by cryst84[/QUOTE]

Is this a drug reference? thats what I think you mean, but I'm hoping that I'm wrong!

MattsPenguin · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:c8e47efe-99fd-40a0-be10-6b99696adda0">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama and stress help! : Is this a drug reference? thats what I think you mean, but I'm hoping that I'm wrong!
Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

That's what it sounded like to me, but I'm not really down with the drug lingo.

ArynBaker · March 2012

ditto other PPs. Uneven sides are not the end of the world, give her a deadline and stop worrying about her paycheck. If you are REALLY that stressed about uneven sides you could offer to help pay for part of the dress.

em01092 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:c3a9de2e-46de-47b8-8e52-5b83886ba5bc">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama and stress help! : That's what it sounded like to me, but I'm not really down with the drug lingo.
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm pretty sure she is referring to pot. I still say it's not OP's business how she spends her money, illegal or not. If that bothers her so much, why is she friends with her?</div>

Kimmyznc · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:c8e47efe-99fd-40a0-be10-6b99696adda0">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama and stress help! : Is this a drug reference? thats what I think you mean, but I'm hoping that I'm wrong!
Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

That's a drug reference alright!

cpm1223 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:c3a9de2e-46de-47b8-8e52-5b83886ba5bc">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama and stress help! : That's what it sounded like to me, but I'm not really down with the drug lingo.
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

haha me neither! I was like hmm...maybe she meant a green bag (like a purse) but then I thought more about it, the more it seemed like she was talking about a bag of pot?!?

ArynBaker · March 2012

I think it is a drug reference. My old roomie use to buy 'bags of green' and even a months worth wouldn't cover the price of the bridesmaids dresses for our wedding, which are less than $150. I somehow doubt that her skipping a week or two would save her enough to buy your BM dress.

cpm1223 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:b0db53c7-12f8-471a-94ab-49a829f11a86">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama and stress help! : I'm pretty sure she is referring to pot.<strong> I still say it's not OP's business how she spends her money, illegal or not. If that bothers her so much, why is she friends with her?
</strong>Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with you!

MattsPenguin · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:8a6ec42e-7b4b-42a3-9d06-8c04f568ba31">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama and stress help! : haha me neither! I was like hmm...maybe she meant a green bag (like a purse) but then I thought more about it, the more it seemed like she was talking about a bag of pot?!?
Posted by cpm1223[/QUOTE]

Yeah, pot would have been my guess.

em01092 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:da1cff5c-3e1e-4f5b-8a26-f79fe1a24972">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is a drug reference. My old roomie use to buy 'bags of green' and <strong>even a months worth wouldn't cover the price of the bridesmaids dresses for our wedding, which are less than $150. I somehow doubt that her skipping a week or two would save her enough to buy your BM dress. </strong>
Posted by ArynBaker[/QUOTE]

<div>This too. It depends on what quality and how much she buys at a time. </div><div>
</div><div>...don't ask me how I know this....</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

heatherfitz · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:6f7eb465-4a6c-4293-b68c-038b7eb2c9e8">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama and stress help! : This too. It depends on what quality and how much she buys at a time. ...don't ask me how I know this....
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

yeah, a good bag can easily set you back $150....or so i've been told.

ArynBaker · March 2012

Ah, I guess living in a college town I didn't know too many spending the big bucks on theirs.

mbody · March 2012

Do you have a backup for your backup? Just ask her.

cryst84 · March 2012

it's going to be all good, shes going tonight.

em01092 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:d9cafa5f-5ecd-45a3-9e06-091f61127807">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]it's going to be all good, shes going tonight.
Posted by cryst84[/QUOTE]

<div>Great! I'm glad it all worked out.</div>

mbrischoux · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-drama-and-stress-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6935ff29-4b0c-4748-877c-9826a019e0d5Post:c6a046f4-d048-4c29-9447-279ca081a376">Re: BM drama and stress help!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>On another note, it's none of your business how much she makes or what she does with it, so get that out of your head right now</strong>. If she doesn't have the dress the day of the wedding, she's removed herself from the party.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Oh, this. And I wouldn't broadcast what people recieved in their paychecks, either.

Uneven sides are absolutely fine. I had 3 on my side (not including the flower girl) and my husband had 1. Pictures are still fabulous.

BM drama and stress help!

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