*Kinda long* $$$ issue

Re: *Kinda long* $$$ issue

• mbody

  

  February 2012

  I don't think you should be asking anyone for money. I also don't think you should ask your FI to ask either. If someone offers, fine- take the money if you want. I just think it's rude to ask for money. To me, it seems awkward to do so and I'm sure they will offer money if they are willing and able.
  
  I'd just plan the wedding that you and your FI can afford on your own. During the process, if anyone offers money, it will be a bonus. But don't count on it.
  

  

  Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013!

  Report0 Reply
• calliopeia2013 member

  

  February 2012

  This is tricky because they did say to ask if you needed anything...though the "we'll see" may mean that they weren't totally serious about that.  If it weren't for that, I would tell you not to ask, because, you know, money for your wedding, especially from the groom's parents, is a gift, not an entitlement, and it's rude to ask someone to give you a gift.  Given that they only offered to help after you'd already suggested they help, though, I'd say you should probably just drop it.  If they wanted to help, they would have offered.  I really doubt they forgot...it's pretty hard to forget about your son's wedding.

  Report0 Reply
• zitiqueen member

  

  February 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kinda-long-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:38801915-504d-4b0d-9bef-764d22d95ae6Post:514fea25-bfd6-49c9-8d13-5d2c7b7f2f9f">*Kinda long* $$$ issue</a>:
  [QUOTE]I wasn't sure where to post this, but I usually see good advice here so here it is. In the beginning when we were starting to get venues picked out, I had suggested to my parents, my FI and my FI's parents that if we pitched in an X amount of dollars (ex: we each pitch in $500) then we could afford a decent wedding and no one would be going too far out. My parents had already said they would help us, and my FI's parents said they would have to see, but if we needed anything to ask. Well, now my FI is kinda freaking out because he thinks my parents aren't going to be able to help much, even though I've told him they are helping. To me, money is a touchy issue and one that I hate discussing but I promised him I would ask my parents a realistic view on what they wanted to help pay so we know how much would be left to pay. So far, they put the deposit down on our reception venue and we put the deposit down on our caterer/cake/florist (she's an all in one) and it's perfectly even right now. My mom wants to help pay for my dress, but right now I'm making the payments and already deciding to pay for all of it if she realizes they can't afford to later on. What I asked my FI is if it would be possible for him to ask his parents for some help. I know they know tradition (Groom's parents pay for the rehersal dinner), but I don't know if this would be a bad idea to ask for a little help. Even though I gave the idea to his parents before, I told him it would probably be better for him to ask rather than me, since I'm just the FDIL. Would this be a bad idea? Side note: I know money comes with strings and I've already done what my parents wanted, which all they wanted was a nice dinner by a caterer. Another side note: My idea was told months ago (around back in August), and his parents can be forgetful as can mine, so the possiblity that FI's parents just forgot about the idea is very possible.
  Posted by jak554[/QUOTE]
  
  Promises don't pay the caterer. Don't spend cash that isn't in your hand.
  
  And anybody can pay for the RD. Like you and your FI, for instance. In fact, you and your FI could pay for your own wedding.

  Report0 Reply
• jemmini6 member

  

  February 2012

  Plan the wedding you can afford 100% on your own, if people offer to help (and you actually have the money in hand), then you can either save some of your own money, or put it to upgrades.
  
  You should never really have asked either of your parents to help pay for the wedding.  If they wanted to, they would have offered.  To me, his parents "we'll see..." comments just proves that they were uncomfortable with paying and didn't want to flat out tell you no or that you were being rude.  Don't ask them again.
  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• StephBeanWed61502 member

  

  February 2012

  I'm pretty sure that if FI or I tried to have the conversation you described asking our parents to "contribute" to our wedding they would've laughed at us.  We're adults.  Adults= self-sufficient human beings who should pay for their own parties, and who should stick to throwing the types of parties they can afford to throw on their own.  If parents offer to help, that's awesome of them and there's nothing wrong with accepting their help, but to demand it makes you seem childish and entitled.  Your FI's parents are perfectly aware that you're getting married, and they're more than capable of writing you a check or otherwise offering you their financial assistance if that's what they want to do.  The fact that they haven't, to me, says they can't or don't want to fund your wedding.  Figure out how to pay for it yourself.

  my to-read shelf:
  

  Report0 Reply
• MairePoppy mod

  

  February 2012

  For someone that hates talking about money, you sure weren't shy about 'suggesting' that the cost of the reception be split 3 ways. I would take the lack of a response as a hint that both sets of parents didn't like your idea too much. If anyone wants to contribute to your wedding they will let you know. Until then, you and fi should be planning according to what you can afford on your own.
  
  

                     

  Report0 Reply
• Viczaesar member

  

  February 2012

  It's inappropriate to ask someone to give you money.  This is just as true with your parents as it is with your guests.

  
  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• graysquirrel member

  

  February 2012

  It is not a good idea to ask for money. They know that you are planning a wedding and understand the costs involved. If they can afford to give you money and wish to, they will. I can't imagine that they'd have "forgotten" about the fact.
  
  Plan the wedding that you can afford on your own. Unless one has money in hand, it is dangerous to rely on promises. Things happen sometimes and mom and dad can't pay. Plan what you can afford, graciously take what is offered, and enjoy any extra unexpected gifts that come your way.

  

  Report0 Reply
• owengirl996 member

  

  February 2012

  ITA to planning a wedding you two can pay for. If you can't pay for a wedding, just wait until you can.
  
  I'd love if everyone pitched in for our wedding, but I'm not about to ask them to. It was our decision to get married, and we do not expect any money from anyone. My parents were generous enough to pay for my dress, and my mom has been purchasing candy for our candy buffet, along with a few other random things. This is her way of being involved and contributing. FI's parents haven't offered a cent, and we're completely ok with that. I'm planning this assuming we're paying for the rehersal dinner and such, but if they offer, that'd be great too. They already have to travel for the wedding, so I'm not expecting much else.
  
  So, continue on as if nobody else will be giving you a dime. If they decide to and actually give you the money, great! Then you can either use the extra cash to add something special to your wedding, or save what you're not spending for something else.
  

  

  Report0 Reply