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September 2012 Weddings

Complicated guest situation...to invite or not? (long)

During college summers (by the wedding I'll only have been out of college 3 years so not too ancient history) I used to work at a restaurant/sports bar.  The owner and my boss was awesome.  He always allowed me to come and go as my college schedule required and work whenever I was on break.  Since getting a full-time job FI and I would still go to the restaurant and visit until it closed down.  His friends and business partners in another venture are good friends of ours and are always hosting things at their place so I see my ex-boss every few months when we go.  My ex-boss is a blast to be around and I just adore him.  Our good friends who are mutual are for sure invited. 

Where it gets complicated...ex-boss's son ironically graduated from my high school with me my same year.  We didn't really know each other in HS but hung out some when I worked at his dad's restaurant.  A few times, months before I met FI, the son and I fooled around.  Wasn't serious, no emotion in it, he was just hot and it was a summer thing for fun.  FI knows about it and I know doesn't LOVE that it happened (we'd all be untouched but know how to do everything like porn stars if it was up to them right?).  He's nice to him when he sees him  but I still know he is a little uncomfortable with my interactions with him (which are now totally platonic obviously).  It's a man thing....back when I had told a girlfriend that the son was well-endowed spilled this to FI when she was drunk!  No good!  The son is actually a d-bag 90% of the time which is why I never had feelings for him but all guys care about is how they stack up (which I never went "all the way" with the son and FI is better at everything else anyways but none of that matters to guys...sorry if TMI).  The son now has a gf who is a sweetheart but in general the four of us aren't close.

Why paragraph one and two are related....ex-boss and his long-term girlfriend broke up and she got their townhouse.  So now ex-boss rents a room from his son's gf so I'd have to send the invitation to the gf's house but we don't want to invite son and his gf.  Not to be rude but there is a weird past there and we are trying to keep numbers down and I could almost guarantee they make the trip because ex-boss would foot the bill if they really wanted to go. 

Do I find another way to get the invitation to him and deal with son and gf potentially being upset?  Just let go of inviting my ex-boss? 

I know it's still early but we are trying to budget and get a good estimate of head count.  TIA.  Sorry that was so long!

Re: Complicated guest situation...to invite or not? (long)

  • Ideally, I'd try to find another way to get the invite to them, but if you can't, I wouldn't feel to badly if it did upset the ex. Why would he be invited anyway?
    I can appreciate the awkwardness of the situation... not fun.
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  • I would simply invite the ex-boss. I can't see why his son would think he would be invited if you're not close. 

    Maybe he'll move before it's time to send the invitations! 
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  • Wow, that is really complicated! Does the ex-boss know about what happened between you and his son? My first reactin if I were him might be to wonder why they weren't invited as well. Otherwise, men also tend to be dumb (lol) and don't look into things like this too much. The complication is where the invite would be sent to the gf's house. 

    Does he have a job where you can send the invite? If you really want him there, I don't think you need to be ashamed of not inviting the son. You were much closer to your ex-boss obviously and because you aren't as close as his son, it's only natural that you would invite him and not his son, IMO. And especially because of your past and the way you know your FI feels about this guy, I would definitely avoid inviting the son. Just make it clear that you are inviting him and not his entire family. 

    If you would rather avoid an awkward situation and worrying about it, then just don't invite the ex-boss. It'll probably make your life a lot easier in the end. Unless you think he would be offended if he wasn't invited. 
  • If my ex-boss knows about the history...it didn't come from me!  I only told like 2 of my girlfriends and when FI and I had the "history" convo, him.  That's it. 

    I think I'll end up sending it to his work because I really do enjoy him, as does FI.  And I'd feel bad if our mutual friends said they were going to our wedding (our wedding is in another state so it would kinda be an announced thing since it requires the whole weekend) and he wasn't invited after all he did for me.  He also hired my little brother one summer when he was looking for a job. 

    Guess someone is bound to get offended with the cuts of the guest list.  Who cares if it's someone who makes FI uncomfortable anyways, right?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_complicated-guest-situationto-invite-or-not-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:e54722d2-f32f-4f21-835a-d18b92cc5291Post:bf5fa056-0c8c-42f9-93ee-2e65e79cccc5">Re: Complicated guest situation...to invite or not? (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]  Guess someone is bound to get offended with the cuts of the guest list.  Who cares if it's someone who makes FI uncomfortable anyways, right?
    Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha! Exactly!! </div>
  • The fun of making guest lists work. someone somewhere is going to be upset with your choices. Personally I wouldn't worry too much about the son, and just invite your ex-boss however you feel comfortable. I know I'd just send it to the house, that's where he's living, why should you have to go out of your way to try to keep it from the son seeing?
  • Honestly I would put money on the son not even noticing or caring. Guys don't pay attention to stuff like that like girls do. I seriously doubt he would confront you and demand why he wasnt invited, especially if you are not really close with either of them. If it makes you feel better though just find another way to get it to your ex-boss but if there is no other way, don't worry about how d-bag son feels. He doesn't deserve an explaination anyway since he isn't like your bff or anything.
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