For those married...has this happened? BM problems

Re: For those married...has this happened? BM problems

• froggatt.clare

  

  January 2012

  I know its tough to hear, but friendships grow and change with time.
  
  Its definitely normal to look back on wedding pics and say "oh she was a friend from this time in my life".  Its sad when this happens, but you will also make new friends who are more suited to your personality now.  People change after college, and sometimes frienships suffere because of that.
  
  I was MOH in a once very good friend's wedding.  I flew to both receptions on 2 separate weekends and didn't think anything of it.  She ended up moving to my area after the wedding and we were still close for a while, but then we grew apart.  I realized that I was the only one making plans, and was really busy for a long time period and didn't have time to make plans with her.  She never reached out.  I've always invited her and her husband to parties I'm hosting and they just don't go.
  
  It makes me sad, but these things happen.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  Maybe they'll end up hanging out iwht you out of the blue, or doing something special for the wedding and you won't feel this way any more.
  

  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  January 2012

  It happens all the time.
  I was married 34 years ago. The only members of my wedding party that I am still in touch with are my cousin, who is like a sister to me, and my SIL, until she passed away a few years ago. It doesn't make me feel sad to look at my wedding pictures. It brings back happy memories of my very dear friends. We didn't have any kind of falling out, our lives simply went in different directions. It doesn't change the kind of friendships we had so long ago.

                     

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• graysquirrel member

  

  January 2012

  Yes, it does happen and is normal. I remember going through my mom's wedding album and asking who people were. They were really close to her at the time, but people move, have kids, grow apart; it is a natural progression in life sometimes. All you can do is continue to show that you want to be friends with them. Leave your wedding out of the friend stuff and keep on trying. Let them know that you feel sad that you are growing apart and see what happens.

  

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• gananoque

  

  January 2012

  You're not alone. This happens all the time. And it sounds like you are recently out of college? In your early 20s maybe? This is a time when most people are changing and growing and making new friends and drifting apart from old ones. It's normal. It's natural. You won't look back on your wedding photos with sadness and regret. You chose the friends you chose because they were legitimately important to you at a time in your life. And that's totally fine.
  
  Heck, in our family wedding photos (4 1/2 years ago), there are already two inlaws who are no longer part of the family and who we'll probably never see again because they've divorced my husband's siblings! So this stuff happens. It doesn't make us sad to look at the pictures.
  
  And one-sided friendships aren't worth it. There's only so much effort you can put into a relationship. Keep your WP as is and see the relationships for what they are. Additionally, I find it valuable to have different expectations for different friendships. Not all relationships are created equal. There are some friends with whom you speak on a daily basis. And some you keep in touch with once a year. Those once-a-year friends aren't necessarily bad. They have their place and can be valuable and cherished.
  

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• Kate61487 member

  

  January 2012

  Yeah, it happens.  But like PPs said try not to let it get you down; remember the good times when you look at your pictures.
  
  My mom had her sister, her FSIL (who later became her EX-SIL, so not such happy memories there, haha) and two college friends who I must have met as a baby but have no recollection of.  She still looks back on it fondly.
  
  I had 5 people stand up for me.  In the year proceeding the wedding I probably talked to/saw each of them twice.  In the six months since I've only seen 2 of them; once each.  They're still my best friends.  But we have our own lives to deal with; we live far apart, we have jobs and houses and some have kids.  We try to keep in touch and it's not always easy, but when we DO see each other we pick right back up where we left off.  Maybe you're trying too hard; even our old friends that are only an hour away we only see once a month if that.  Go for quality visits instead of quantity, let them tell you when they're free, and make the most of the time you do have.  like PP said it's about keeping the frienship alive and well, not about your wedding (although showers and the wedding itself are great excuses to see each other!)

  

   
  

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• KatyRoseM member

  

  January 2012

  It can happen, but it can happen even if your super close at the wedding.  You can try to work on the friendships, but only to a point.  Also its not the best idea to remain overly focused on who you used to be close to. 

  

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• willywally5 member

  

  January 2012

  It is very normal ... I am not close with people whose wedding parties I was in years ago. I am still close to some of my own bridesmaids, but all of them and not like we once were. They were once a large enough part of your life that you asked them to be part of such an important day, which makes me think they are likely those kind of friends you don't need to spend gobs of time with but still are able to pick up where you left off. Life happens and gets busy, especially when yoiu are young and EVERYTHING is happening in your lives seemingly at once. 

  

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• mcskatcat member

  

  January 2012

  Sad to say, but it does happen.  For me at least, the biggest thing that has challenged my friendship is distance.  Three of my bridesmaids were friends (two SILs) and of those friends I see the ones I live closest to the most.  Two of them live in my area, and one is actually considering moving to this area to be closer to her boyfriend, so I think for me that's helped stay in touch a lot more. 
  
  And on another level, sometimes you just grow up and have different lives.  I have another friend who was an usher who I barely talk to because I'm a little over getting drunk all the time, and that's about all he ever wants to do when I'm at home.  Sometimes people just grow apart.  I know it can be sad and frustrating, but still be glad to have them in your wedding, and keep looking for new friends who share your interests. 

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• AlmostMrsStrong

  

  January 2012

  My dad's Best Man (and my godfather) hasn't talked to any of us in 15-20 years. It happens.

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  Nov '12 September Siggy - Bridesmaids!
  
  

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• EJones06 member

  

  January 2012

  Thanks for the encouragement everyone I'll keep doing what I'm doing to try to re-kindle the friendships, but I'll try not to let it get me down so much. I'm just happy to hear that it's fairly normal and others have gone through the same thing.

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