broken enagement.... is this the right board?

Re: broken enagement.... is this the right board?

• lnk060710 member

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  In Response to broken enagement.... is this the right board?:
  Let me start by saying I am so very sorry for what you are experiencing. The pain, the confusion and everything that comes with things not turning out the way you expected. It sounds like you have discovered that your knight in shining armor still needs some polishing and that is to be expected. The more you discover someone (especially once you live with them) the more you find they ARE human after all and not the fairy tale that us girls have been so programmed to expect. If you can still see yourself with him 25 years from now in all of your life adventures then I would say, give it time. Hold off for now and still love each other to see what becomes of it. Depending on your past relationships (and his) it could be that you may have expected too much but it could be that he is just not the one. We hate to fail. As humans we are taught the opposite and have higher standards than failure but if we didn't falter in life we would be living a fairy tale and not life. I hope you have family and friend support to pull you through this difficult time, if not make new friends that can. A church support group of any kind is a great outlet to vent your thoughts and feelings and to receive the feedback that you are looking for. Best of luck from me to you in your decisions, no matter what they are!

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• boomboom1243 member

  

  July 2012

  I have not had a broken engagement but I have been with my fiancee for 5 years engaged for 4. There are sometimes I thought I would just leave him because of the way he acted especially when angry.(no hitting just ignoring me and not talking to me for days or discussing the issue) I had a serious talk to him about how he deals with his anger is not ok and we are better we are working on it but i couldnt see myself with out him especially over the way he deals with conflict. IF you love him and wnat to be with him work it out if it causes you more stress then leave. if you see a future with him stay but its up to you you are not stuck and you are a brave woman for doing as you have done. rely on your family and friends they will help you through this. I agree with you though we had a big fight and my family wanted to know everything that happen which i am a very privat person so this was the worst but they only blamed him.. they are one sided and not always helpful just ask for their support not their advice. Its your life and you know what is best for you. its a rough embarrasing situation but in the end you will know what to do. the only real advice is  have a long calm talk with him about everything but allow him to talk to.

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• ElleB87 member

  

  July 2012

  I haven't broken off an engagement but I have made the extremely difficult decision to walk away from someone who was simply toxic (my mother). It meant sacrificing 99% of my relationships with other family members but in all honesty it was worth it. Right now you're under a cloud of despair (I don't mean to sounds cheesy) and just remember that after every storm, the sun comes out (again, I don't mean to be cheesy). It's not easy walking away but it's for the better and it will make you a stronger person. There are quite a few people on TK that have broken off their engagements or gotten divorced since first joining. You're still very much welcome, no one is going to shut the door in your face.
  
  I hope you start to feel better about your decision soon. As for your mutual finances, you need to seperate those ASAP. Even if there is a chance you will reconcile down the road you need to protect yourself and your money now. If he's not willing to talk about it, call the banks your self and ask what you have to do to seperate things. If all else fails contact an attourney (even legal aid) for advice.

  

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• runpipparun member

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  I have had a broken engagement, and I wasted about 6 (I think?) perfectly good months after that trying to repair things and give it another chance.

  
  

  We made a promise to each other when we got engaged, and at the first sign of difficulty (for us, it was my being diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, seeing a psychiatrist, and going on medication), he told me that he didn't know if he could "take care" of me down the road. I thought that when you asked someone to marry you, that is exactly what you were promising, no matter WHAT happened to them. And getting labeled "bipolar" didn't change me, it just meant that I finally had a doctor who would be able to help treat me and make me feel better.

  
  

  But he didn't want to break up, and I was SO embarrassed that we decided to keep dating and see how it went. As I continued with treatment and started feeling better, I realized that I was NEVER, NEVER going to be able to trust him again not to abandon me whe things got tough, and that I was never going to be able to forgive him for jilting me. (Nor were my friends and family ever going to forgive him...)

  
  

  So we ended things 6 months later. And I found someone so much better 6 years later.

  
  

  My advice is to give yourself time.

  

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• missaprilmarie1988 member

  

  July 2012

  thank you soooo much ladies, every post/comment helped.... one day at a time is something i learned from my doctor when i was diagnosed with cronic depression... actually might be my next tattoo.... anyways deep down i know this is for the best... i do.... but it doesnt take away the pain, anger, hurt, frustration and resentment
  i will be sticking around.... thanks for the love ladies....
  
  one day at a time xoxo

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• rfaivrecarver member

  

  July 2012

  Awwww I am so sorry. I had a semi engagement when I was 19 but him and I were both very seriously addicted to drugs. When he got high he was very physically abusive. Now I was no angel myself, I did stuff too. When we finally broke up despite everything it was so painful, I really think that helped just bottom out completely on drugs. I got myself sober and got myself another sick relationship. This one was even worse, because I wanted it to work so badly but he was so mean, once again I was no angel myself. But this one dated on and off five years. I thought we would together forever. He told me he could not see himself marrying me, that I was just crazy. I hurt for so long. But I learned so much about myself from these relationships. Now let me tell you at the time I felt like they were just the perfect relationships, but once I was away I saw just how dysfunctional they were and how sick I was. I know this is a somewhat dramatic example, but I just hope my story may help you heal. I found some much strength in the healing process. I even stayed sober, and will celebrate 12 years sober in September the same month I am getting married. I found a great, wonderful, amazing man who loves me as I am, he isn't perfect but neither am I. But we are perfect for each other. I hope you find someone who will love you just as you are, but in the meantime be good to yourself, get out there and live life for you, learn about you. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Take care of yourself, just remember you are perfect as you are.

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• daena42

  

  July 2012

  While I've never broken off an engagement, I have left toxic relationships in the past. One day at a time, like you said, is probably your best bet for this. If you two do work things out, remember that you need to sit down and discuss the issues that caused this problem in the first place. So many times I've seen friends (and myself) jump back into a relationship head first with no saftey device. Communication, and trust, are vital to any relationship, and it seems like he's damaged that pretty severly. Keep us posted, and take care of yourself, and like the other ladies said, you're perfect JUST how you are, and don't let him, or anybody else tell you any different.

  

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• missaprilmarie1988 member

  

  August 2012

  Thanks to all the positive responses... It's been almost a month now and I have relocated to Los Angeles for work and start fresh. Surprisingly I have handled this quite well, it's been easier bc I have kept so busy with my move and new job and I have a good support system of friends here. I have moments of udder dismay over this but in general I. Doing great. Great opportunities have risen with work for me and travel. This was the best decision I could have made to end the relationship. I'm 24 and excited to just focus on myself and start fresh...

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