WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related

kroot87 · May 2012

Hi ladies! I don't post much here but I've been lurking for a while. I'm facing kind of a dilemma and I need some no-nonsense opinions because my judgment is clouded with emotions.

I have a horse that I bought a little over a year ago. I've had horses my whole life, but I wasn't really in the market when I bought this guy. I just kind of fell in love with him and made the decision on impulse. FI lost his job a few months ago, and although he's doing really well at his new job, things are still super tight for us financially and we're still trying to catch up. We're getting by, but we have to watch literally every penny we spend in order to stay out of the red.

Now I love this horse, but I feel like between our financial constraints and my lack of time (planning a wedding, working crazy hours, and other life stuff), he deserves an owner who can give him more. I also hate the stress that our financial situation is causing, and selling him would save us a whopping $5,000 a year in horsekeeping costs.

My heart says not to sell him, and that our financial situation will improve soon. I feel like I made an obligation when I bought him to give him a "forever" home, and that truly was my intention. But rationally, I know that even when our financial situation improves, we'll still be facing new expenses (buying a house, kids, etc.), and there just may not be room for a horse in all that. FI supports my decision either way, but I know improving our financial situation will take a lot of stress off of him.

This might be a silly question to ask on here, but I just need some unbiased advice. WWYD?

CN: We are having some financial difficulty, selling my horse would free up a lot of money until things improve for us, but would be very difficult emotionally.

Snippylynn · May 2012

If your intention is to never give the horse the attention he needs, (which is FINE if your priorities are children and a house) then just find someone who will.

Otherwise, you can try a share lease or something like that?

StephBeanWed61502 · May 2012

I have no idea if this would work in your particular situation, but some of the barns around here will offer horses for "share," where 2 or 3 people will basically split the cost of the care of the horse and also split access to him. Maybe that would be a compromise for you to free up some cash and also he'd be getting more attention from the person you're splitting him with to make up for your wedding-related absence?

adamar15 · May 2012

Can you lease him out instead of selling him? Do you board at a barn that does lessons? Maybe they could use him as a lesson horse in exchange for lower board.

Bonzo2011 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:c6d6eb6a-3797-4cb0-93b5-b6bed128decb">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]If your intention is to never give the horse the attention he needs, (which is FINE if your priorities are children and a house) then just find someone who will. Otherwise, you can try a share lease or something like that?
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

I agree. If you really don't see yourself having the time for the horse, sell him to someone who can give him the attention he deserves.

I recommend looking into a share lease though. My FSIL "rented" someone's horse for a while. She would go to the stable once or twice a week, clean and ride for a couple hours. The owner took care of cleaning, feeding and exercise the other days. It was a really good arrangement for both. Something like this could work for you, it brings in a bit of money to offset costs and makes sure the horse is getting attention when you can't be there.

Habs2Hart · May 2012

Oh hi, welcome to my life. Are you me?

I've had my current horse for 7 years. He and I were long listed for the national team together and I have a lot of memories with him, I also feel like I owe him a happy retirement because of the hard work he did when we were competing, so I feel your pain.

It has come up a LOT between my husband and I and we've had some knock down brawls to the point where he says the horse is more important to me than him. It's not too far from the truth, although he does come first, but the horse suddently becomes more important when he's acting like a jack ass and my horse is being snuggly, but that's beside the point.

Horses are bloody expensive. How old is the horse? Can you find him an acceptable home? My horse is 14, so I'm worried where he'll end up. I just recently found a part boarder for him, so I will teach her on him, she'll ride him a few times a week and pay half his expenses. I'm hoping it helps. I plan on leasing him out when I am pregnant and can't ride.

You need to honestly think about it and leave the emotions at the door. It is so bloody difficult and not many people other than horse people will understand where you are coming from. The fact is, most people can't afford horses, myself included. My husband has been pretty good about it for the most part because he is what we call a pre-existing condition. I came with the horse.

I work full time, I free-lance on the side, I sell product, I sell used stuff I'm not using anymore, I teach lessons. I do all this to help offset the costs. It still may not be enough and I may need to face up to the fact that I may need to sell him.

You just need to be real with yourself. How much is he restricting you financially? Are you in the hole because of the horse, or are you just saving less?

Nobody but yourself can help you come to this conclusion. This is something I have determined. Only I can choose whether or not he is with me forever. You need to make this decision alone.

I get it, it's tough. PM me if you need someone to talk it over with. I too have been riding for 23 years and horses are a major part of my life. I'm worried if I sell him, I'll never get another one, let alone another once in a lifetime horse, which he is. It's so tough.

kroot87 · May 2012

Thanks for the responses everyone! I'm considering half-leasing him to someone, but I do worry it's a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

Habs, I've seen in some other threads that you're a horseperson also, so I was hoping to get your perspective. Thanks for sharing your story with me, it has definitely helped. Finn is 11, he's a QH/draft cross and basically "just" a trail horse. I don't think I'll have a problem finding him a good home, there always seem to be people in my area looking for a solid trail mount. Financially, we're basically spending every dollar we have on bills, horse expenses, and wedding-related things. We have no cushion at all right now, and that's the scary part. Financially, I have no doubt that selling him is the best decision. It's just so. freaking. hard.

I'm going to take some time to think about it, but I'm pretty sure selling is the decision that has to be made. I know in the long run it's what's best for Finn. As PPs have said, he deserves an owner with the time and financial resources to give him an awesome life. I may talk to my trainer and see if anyone at our barn is looking to buy - I'd love to see him stay where he is, and would probably offer him for free to anyone who will continue to keep him there.

Ugh. Just sucks. Thanks again everyone.

ETA - adamar, he's currently in the lesson program at my barn, and while it does help, it usually only works out to around $50 a month.

adamar15 · May 2012

QH/draft cross, huh? He sounds like the perfect horse for H and my mom. Want to move down to FL? I could take him and you could still come play with him

Marrin713 · May 2012

I went through this many years ago with xH. Horse was sucking up so much money that xH said "either we buy a home or we share the stall with the horse. Your choice." We did somehow manage to buy our first home and keep the horse but it was really really tight. And then pregnancy & son came along and my time at the stable was cut down drastically. I ended up like many of the PP's here and did a share board and he also became a school horse for the stable we boarded at. Luckily he never had any major medical problems so vet bills were really low. I ended up selling him to the young lady who did the share board with me. Her interest in horses lasted past the junior equestrienne phase so her parents bought him when the subject came up. Good luck!

kroot87 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:1351c6ab-ec61-4d85-b920-112dde29749c">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]QH/draft cross, huh? He sounds like the perfect horse for H and my mom. Want to move down to FL? I could take him and you could still come play with him :)
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Haha, I think that's a fantastic idea! :)

Habs2Hart · May 2012

I'd send him to A. He'd have an awesome life.

bertke10 · May 2012

Ditto Habs. Horses are so expensive. I think you are leaning toward the right decision (selling him). Do your legwork to make sure it's a great home and that should help you from feeling guilty. It's expensive enough just to maintain a horse, but if there were a medical emergency, it could do some serious damage to your finances, especially if you already have no cushion. Leasing or sharing would still leave you on the hook for some major medical expenses.
Like dogs, horses are happier the more interaction they get. I'm sure Finn won't hold it against you for you to find someone else to interact with him more!

Habs - I totally get the complicated ranking system of husband vs horse! Sometimes it gets really blurry! My two horses just went off to training so I really really hope that he likes riding and quits complaining about how expensive they are to feed once he is interacting with them. (We bought a house with a barn and 20 acres, and I immediately filled it with two greenbroke horses that I worked with a little bit, but mostly just paid to feed. H did NOT understand why that was a such a great idea. ha!)

kroot87 · May 2012

Bert, thanks for bringing up medical expenses. That weighs pretty heavily on my mind, knowing that if something were to happen we'd be totally screwed, and I may not be able to afford to make the best decisions for Finn because of money. A few years ago, a friend's horse contracted a very nasty case of Potomac, and she spent thousands of dollars trying to save his life to no avail. If something like that ever happened with Finn, I wouldn't even have the chance to fight - there's no way I could afford all those treatments without destroying us financially. To me, that says it's time for me to sell.

Callmefia · May 2012

I went through this right out of college; I bought and trained a 2 1/2 y.o. draft mare (I'm a dressage rider, pretty fun to ride a draft in that discipline!). After awhile I realized I was just going into crazy amounts of debt to be able to afford the horse and I had to let her go.

For the first year, I wasn't so sure. I ended up giving her away with a contract that said if they wanted papers, it would cost them, if they sold her within a year or two I got half the sales amount, and that I get first right of refusal if they didn't want her anymore. Turned out they SOLD her without talking to me within the specified time frame and the new owner contacted me wanting papers. The whole thing was a nightmare and I contemplated trying to get her back... then it turned out the new owner was a young teenage girl and the horse was at a home stable. It was the best possible situation for this horse's temperament, and she is well loved and cared for far better than I could have ever done. I'm really happy for her. The mare just turned 10 Monday!

In addition, I've hacked away at my debt by quite a bit which makes my life a lot less stressful. I keep in contact with the current owner via facebook so I get to see pictures and can message her to see how things are going.

When I want some horse time I can catch ride at a nearby stable. I stopped for the last year to wedding plan and I miss some of the people and horses but I also found other things to fill my life and I spend less money in the long run. I had started to get really attached to one horse at that stable and his owner was looking to find him a new home... that was a sad one to turn away (more sobbing) so its probably a good thing I just cut it out of my life for now.

ket25 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:9e8122c6-2114-4e07-a023-a3e14d53324d">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]Bert, thanks for bringing up medical expenses. That weighs pretty heavily on my mind, knowing that if something were to happen we'd be totally screwed, and I may not be able to afford to make the best decisions for Finn because of money. A few years ago, a friend's horse contracted a very nasty case of Potomac, and she spent thousands of dollars trying to save his life to no avail. If something like that ever happened with Finn, I wouldn't even have the chance to fight - there's no way I could afford all those treatments without destroying us financially. To me, that says it's time for me to sell.
Posted by kroot87[/QUOTE]

Horses are expensive enough and when you factor in a catastrophe it can spell disaster if you don't have adequate savings. I showed horses for many years and have had my run ins with horse related emergencies (My gelding once caught his leg in the fence when he freaked over thunder outside and tore his leg all to hell. My mare ended up with a twisted intestine that required surgery, that's a very, very rare occurrence but it does happen).It sounds as though if something were to happen of a dire nature, it would suck you dry in the pocket book.

I know this has to be a difficult decision for you because horses are wonderful creatures. They become part of the family and parting when them is not an easy task. Good luck with your decision and I hope everything works out for the best.

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:04fc4c13-a024-438a-b26f-5a1d461cc937">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related : Horses are expensive enough and when you factor in a catastrophe it can spell disaster if you don't have adequate savings. I showed horses for many years and have had my run ins with horse related emergencies (My gelding once caught his leg in the fence when he freaked over thunder outside and tore his leg all to hell. My mare ended up with a twisted intestine that required surgery, that's a very, very rare occurrence but it does happen).It sounds as though if something were to happen of a dire nature, it would suck you dry in the pocket book. I know this has to be a difficult decision for you because horses are wonderful creatures. They become part of the family and parting when them is not an easy task. Good luck with your decision and I hope everything works out for the best.
Posted by ket25[/QUOTE]

Are you talking about colic surgery? That's not that rare.

ket25 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:0b3dd4eb-be72-4b91-a5c7-b6eaa6bba875">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related : Are you talking about colic surgery? That's not that rare.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

It wasn't colic surgery, they thought that was the problem at first. Her intestine had literally twisted like a twist tie around itself. There wasn't an impaction like with colic. They weren't sure what caused it, they said it could have even been something as simple as her rolling in the dirt. She had the surgery and came through just fine. They said if something like that happened to her again, she's one really unlucky horse. It never did. She was perfectly healthy up until last year when she developed calcification in her spine that was causing her to have seizures, we had to put her down. That was hard, though at least she was 25 and had a long life.

adamar15 · May 2012

I thought it was basically the same thing. A similar surgery at least. One of ourshad to have the surgery years ago, and when they opened him up his intestines popped out like a balloon. They were twisted and had filled up with gas. It was a neat surgery to watch, I just wish it hadn't happened to my horse. He got into surgery quick enough that none of his intestines died, but he ended up foundering badly after the surgery. He was my mom's first horse and he was pretty young. That was the most heartbreaking thing I've experienced so far.

ket25 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:fa7339b6-aa17-48ba-9e67-5a36296f328f">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought it was basically the same thing. A similar surgery at least. One of ourshad to have the surgery years ago, and when they opened him up his intestines popped out like a balloon. They were twisted and had filled up with gas. It was a neat surgery to watch, I just wish it hadn't happened to my horse. He got into surgery quick enough that none of his intestines died, but he ended up foundering badly after the surgery. He was my mom's first horse and he was pretty young. That was the most heartbreaking thing I've experienced so far.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

I remember the vet saying it had to do with the severity or "grade" of the twist in her intestine that made it different from standard colic surgery. This happened about 10 years ago though, so I'm probably not remembering everything the vet said. My Dad had the opportunity to watch her surgery and he said it was fascinating. But he had the exact thought you did, any other horse but ours!

We lost my show mare the year before our other mare's intestinal surgery. She had developed an abscess in her foot (caused from? no idea) that had infected her leg. Long story short, they did the surgery but the bone had begun to die despite their efforts. That was a couple years of bad luck with our equine family. She was what the OP refers to as a once in a lifetime horse. I still miss her terribly.

It's heartbreaking enough to lose them when they've had a long, great life. When it's cut short, it's even harder.

Habs2Hart · May 2012

Twisted gut is often a result of colic, which is why they are not supposed to lie down and roll when they are colicing, because it can result in a twisted intestine. There's impaction colic, and then there's twisted gut. Two different things, but the second comes from colic most of the time. And no, both surgeries are actually quite common unfortunately.

Part of the reason I have surgical and mortality on my horses. Having used the surgical on a previous horse, I know the extents it is to treat a horse for a major injury requiring surgical. It can be astronomical.

barrelbabe004 · May 2012

I just got home from a vet appointment with my horse that just got home from training and came up lame. It wasn't an expense that I was expecting at all.

You've gotten a lot of good advice. I'd look into leasing if you're not ready to commit to selling. I leased my QH for a year when I was off to college. A 4H kid got to ride him and they took care of the expenses. It was a pretty good situation for the time. They wanted to buy him but I wasn't interested in selling him at the time.

ket25 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:3e875708-842b-4ea9-b5f1-5db86fcf8b78">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]Twisted gut is often a result of colic, which is why they are not supposed to lie down and roll when they are colicing, because it can result in a twisted intestine. There's impaction colic, and then there's twisted gut. Two different things, but the second comes from colic most of the time. And no, both surgeries are actually quite common unfortunately. Part of the reason I have surgical and mortality on my horses. Having used the surgical on a previous horse, I know the extents it is to treat a horse for a major injury requiring surgical. It can be astronomical.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

Very smart. Does the premium vary depending on the horse? Breed, age, etc?

adamar15 · May 2012

How much is your insurance, Habs (if you don't mind saying)? We had it on my horse and the one we had to put down, but we haven't had it for a while. I have no clue what my mom used to pay.

Habs2Hart · May 2012

Right now, it's at about $700. He's got full mortality for $15,000, his left fore is excluded because he broke the coffin bone a few years back, I have $5,000 surgical, no loss of use because it's impossible to tell, I have liability up to $1m and my tack insured aswell. Unfortunately, it's only to $2000 which wouldn't even cover one of my saddles. Oh well.

Umm, when we were competing internationally, he was insured for $75K and his insurance was closer to $2k a year.

It varies by age, price, etc.

Bubbalub · May 2012

Everyone here has already given you such wonderful advice. I just want to add one more facet to the discussion.

If Finn is 11 he could potentially live another 20 years. And the older he gets the less he will be able to do in terms of riding lessons and such. My sister bought a rescue horse when she was about 19-20 and they lied about his age. They told her he was about 15 and he was closer to 21. She was able to ride him for a few years but he soon got into the retirement age. He lived until he was 37. So that was 16 years of basic care, moving stables, vet bills and being a good horse owner that was trying to be with him as much as possible.

the last 5 years were really hard on her, emotionally and financially. Horses can get more and more expensive the longer you have them, just like any other aging animal. If you are struggling now financially it might be in Finn's best interest to either share a lease or sell him to someone who will be able to be there more for him in the long run. My sister is not married, has no kids and does not own a house. She makes good money for our area and still it was really hard for her.

I'm not trying to scare you or make you sad. Just giving a rather extreme anecdotal example of long-term horse ownership. I know you will absolutely make whatever decision is best for you, Finn, and your family. {{HUGS}}

ket25 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:a18244bd-1a01-47a1-848e-3068a0e139f2">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone here has already given you such wonderful advice. I just want to add one more facet to the discussion. If Finn is 11 he could potentially live another 20 years. And the older he gets the less he will be able to do in terms of riding lessons and such. My sister bought a rescue horse when she was about 19-20 and they lied about his age. They told her he was about 15 and he was closer to 21. She was able to ride him for a few years but he soon got into the retirement age. He lived until he was 37. So that was 16 years of basic care, moving stables, vet bills and being a good horse owner that was trying to be with him as much as possible. the last 5 years were really hard on her, emotionally and financially. Horses can get more and more expensive the longer you have them, just like any other aging animal. If you are struggling now financially it might be in Finn's best interest to either share a lease or sell him to someone who will be able to be there more for him in the long run. My sister is not married, has no kids and does not own a house. She makes good money for our area and still it was really hard for her. I'm not trying to scare you or make you sad. Just giving a rather extreme anecdotal example of long-term horse ownership. I know you will absolutely make whatever decision is best for you, Finn, and your family. {{HUGS}}
Posted by Bubbalub[/QUOTE]

Wow! What breed of horse did she have?

kroot87 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwed-ner-pethorse-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a96587f-7a4c-4c53-a1a5-25f294ded808Post:a18244bd-1a01-47a1-848e-3068a0e139f2">Re: WWED? (NER) Pet/Horse related</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone here has already given you such wonderful advice. I just want to add one more facet to the discussion. If Finn is 11 he could potentially live another 20 years. And the older he gets the less he will be able to do in terms of riding lessons and such. My sister bought a rescue horse when she was about 19-20 and they lied about his age. They told her he was about 15 and he was closer to 21. She was able to ride him for a few years but he soon got into the retirement age. He lived until he was 37. So that was 16 years of basic care, moving stables, vet bills and being a good horse owner that was trying to be with him as much as possible. the last 5 years were really hard on her, emotionally and financially. Horses can get more and more expensive the longer you have them, just like any other aging animal. If you are struggling now financially it might be in Finn's best interest to either share a lease or sell him to someone who will be able to be there more for him in the long run. My sister is not married, has no kids and does not own a house. She makes good money for our area and still it was really hard for her. I'm not trying to scare you or make you sad. Just giving a rather extreme anecdotal example of long-term horse ownership. I know you will absolutely make whatever decision is best for you, Finn, and your family. {{HUGS}}
Posted by Bubbalub[/QUOTE]

Thanks for sharing this. We've had several horses in the family live into their mid-30s... it really is a long, long-term commitment.

Bubbalub · May 2012

My sister's horse was a tiny Appaloosa.

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