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Moms and Maids

Including the Future In-Laws...

FI and I have been together for 8 years...

His sister and I get along wonderfully, and I spend a lot of time with her little girl. She is one of my BMs and her daughter is our FG. I like his dad a lot and we get along very well... his mom is an incredibly difficult person and has never been friendly or welcoming to me. We are nice to each other but we are in no means close, and it is still very awkward if we are in a room alone.

I'm having trouble wanting to include them on much of the planning process. We have ran little things by them - invites, venue, date, etc. - but they haven't been actively involved and haven't showed a ton of interest. I'm getting ready to start dress shopping and both of my parents, my sister, and my brother will accompany me. I feel like that is a pretty full group already, so I don't plan on inviting future MIL or SIL, but I will have them come with me to my first fitting. We are also getting ready to go to our food tasting. My parents will attend with us because they are footing the bill for food and drinks at the reception. I really don't want FIs parents there because I know they will be negative the entire time.

I have a feeling this will come back to bite me and later on we will find out that they are upset.... am I totally wrong to not be including them on these things?? I just want the planning process to be as fun and as stress-free as possible.

Re: Including the Future In-Laws...

  • If your in-laws are not contributing to the wedding, then it's not their party to plan.  That could be why they are not showing any interest, they may feel that it's not their place (which it really isn't). 

    I don't see a reason to include them in the planning, other than letting them know how many guests they can invite and getting addresses.  It would be a nice gesture to ask your future MIL if she would like to come to a fitting.
  • edited October 2012
    You're not wrong. Just don't mention the dress and tasting appointments to them. If they aren't paying, they shouldn't expect to be included in the decision making process.
                       
  • I'm with the others, if they aren't paying, it's not their problem. 

    BUT, with that being said, I understand wanting them to not feel left out.  But right now, for your stress levels, if you feel they would add too much stress to the more important decisions (dress and food are big ones!)  then ask about smaller ones.  Make up a couple mock samples of centerpieces, have them give their input, have them pick their top 5 favorite invites, stuff like that.  It's not your responsibility if you ask them for input or to go with to appointments and they don't. 
  • I would not invite them to anything.  You could give them details IF THEY ASK and that is only IF you want to.  They are not paying they don't get to chose.  I would not have the MIL come to the dress shopping either.  Unless your FH says hey you should invite them I would not bother to bring it up.

  • I agree with every one else.  If they aren't showing interest then you are just providing more stress for yourself by worrying about it.  I kept trying to have my FMIL involved in everything and I ended up she was bad mouthing me to my fiances extended family, so I just stopped.  She hasn't seen our engagement photos because she hasn't asked about them and I only tell her things when she asks.  I made the decision to stop stressing myself out over it and enjoy the moment - in order for me to do that, unfortunately is to kind of withdraw from his mother.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks ladies!
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