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Small wedding, but big family..HELP

c_b_lovec_b_love
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in Students
My family is really small consisting of no more than 20 attending my wedding. My FI on the other hand has a HUGE family with aunts cousins and great aunts. His mom wants to invite all these people who are her great aunts who I dont really know, we want our wedding to be no more than 75 people. How do I tell his mom that we dont want to invite those people, I know its my wedding but I also dont want a crabby MIL at the end of the day because her great aunts couldnt come and whoever else she wants to come cant. HELP!
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Re: Small wedding, but big family..HELP

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    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    If your FMIL is paying then she can invite whoever she wants. If you and your FI are paying then you have to tell her that you are having a small wedding and would not like to include people you and your FI do not know/aren't close to. 
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    needle&threadneedle&thread member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    Yeah...just tell her that you want to accomodate only a certain amount of people and any additional is $xxx.xx per person and they/she will be responsible for the balance.  Then tell her you will notify the caterer of her decision and make a distinction between your guest list and hers...no confusion...very well understood...don't you think?

    I have been married before...the MIL decisions don't stop unless you nip them in the bud...in otherwords, DONT START ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO CONTINUE...next thing you know they are making all the decisions concerning where you live, babies you'll have, etc...

    TAKE NOTE...BEEN THERE DONE THAT.  But be very nice about it...but be firm.

    Hope this helps...

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    callalily13callalily13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    My fiance has a HUGE family also and I have family friends who are like family that are a lot of people. We had previously wanted an intimate beach wedding with a small amount of people, but it wont work with as many people as i know we are going to be forced to invite. So what we are planning on doing is sticking with the beach ceremony and that way for the people who are not that close to us we figure wont be as interested in attending the ceremony if they have to trek out to a beach. We figure those people who are closest to us, will make the effort and we can still have our small ceremony and everyone else will show up at the reception which we have no problem having a lot of people there. You could try something like that or even do a destination wedding.
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    =missy==missy=
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    A destination wedding is a good idea....

    But I have to agree with everyone else. Be very sweet and apologetic because she is about to be part of your life for a very long time... simply tell her it's just not what you and your FI had in mind. Thank her for wanting to include her entire family for your special day, but you really want to limit the wedding to immediate family and friends.

    I hope it works out for you. Let us know how it goes!
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    c_b_lovec_b_love
    First Comment
    i would love to do a destination wedding but his family doesnt like to fly so i mean yea i would just said ok fine dont come but thats not fair to my FI.  thanks for your help!
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    faith415faith415 member
    First Comment
    I had the exact same situation with my FMIL. I wanted a small wedding and was only planning on inviting close family, no great aunts/uncles etc. I made my guest list with my family and then sat down with her to talk about her guest list. I just explained to her that my FI and I really didn't want to invite a lot of extended family that we had never even met before. I told her that my family had agree to just invited close family members and keep the wedding small. We ended up compromising and inviting some of the extended family that she wanted to invite, those that she was really close to or were from our hometown. The rest of the family my parents offered to send announcements to, like we were doing for our extended family. FMIL also agreed to only invite a few family friends since she had insisted on inviting so many family members. Overall, our guest list is about 15 people over what I had wanted, but everything worked out without a fight. You and your FI should sit down and talk to her and explain where you are coming from and try to come to some sort of compromise. You don't want to start off on bad terms with your MIL.
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    tiffanycdemeotiffanycdemeo member
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    if she is paying for half or all of the price of the wedding then allow her to invite people.  but if she isnt try to work something out where everyone can be happy.  maybe have a post wedding brunch'/high tea with the relatives that couldnt be included or have them only at the ceremony/reception.  try to incorporate the ppl your mil wants without breaking the budget.  
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