HELP!

Re: HELP!

• calindi member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I think with family so far apart, it's going to be a destination wedding in either direction for half the family.  If it's what you love, and everything else works (budget, amount of guests it can fit, etc.) then I don't see why you shouldn't get it!  But if your parents are paying for the wedding, they do get a say in where it takes place.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• ESquared423 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Well, if the whole reasoning behind wanting to have your wedding in Florida was for the beach location I can understand your mom being like a little bit wtf about it. I looked up the venue and it does look nice if you're going for the rustic sort of feel..have you looked to see if there's any venues near you that offer that same sort of atmosphere? You said if you had the wedding near your hometown then only his main family would be able to come, so wouldn't that be vice versa for your side of the family? If you have your wedding in Florida are you sure that ALL of your guests that would come to a hometown wedding would come to your DW?
  
  If you both are dead set on this place then, it's your wedding and you can do what you like. Especially if you are the ones paying for it, but just be considerate of your family's feelings about it and understand that with a DW you may not have everyone there that you hoped would be.
  

  

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  Where else have you looked in Florida and what area of florida? mine is a beach wedding and my reception venue has awesome views.
  
  Also, since you and FI are paying for wedding then you have the say. Your mom cannot dictate if she is not paying. If your mom is paying, then you need to find a compromise, or save it up to pay for it yourself

  

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• SamiJoeB

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  it's tough, but everyone is right. If your parents are paying, then they have a say, if you and your FI are paying, then really all you need to tell them is where and when to be there... maybe schedule a visit with your parents and maybe they'll fall in love with it too. Thats what happened with my venue.
  

  

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• mob2689

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I was in the shoes as your mother. DD had a quick engagement. He orig. was going to be deployed for his 4 tour for 6 mo- 1 yr.. I felt after the 6mo- 1yr being seperated it was inevitable to happen after he got back, so I "felt" it (the engagement) in the works. Then what happened next was very unusual, they scrapped the first orders  tour and gave him new orders for long term. So, he propsed and have only litlle time to "throw",(and that is exactly what we are doing,) throwing a wedding so they both will be going to his new post.
  
  His "real" family is only about 7 hrs from where I live, and our children are 1100-1200 miles away. Originally they were going to get married by the JOP up here, I was so exctied! That way my family and his would be able to witness it. They changed it, and at frist I just didn't think I could afford to help them as much as I wanted to, to help pay for the wedding. Let alone was truely worried I wouldn't be able to go period! I was devistaed! The monies I would be spending all that I had just on lodging, airfare, food and car rental. Honestly I was very upset, more upset when I found out his family had places to stay for free to boot! After all she is my only daughter and that is not how I saw her wedding to be.
  
  I came on here so pissed, and I got straightened out right away, and I was able to move money to where I could help her financially and make the trip. My family is very small as well, and his is huge.
   
  It took me some time to accept the idea, and much longer to emrbrace it.  Honestly I still am not as happy as I want to be, becaue I am missing out on so much of helping pick things out, and planning.( Even though I have made 2 trips down there so far and have helped with "some"). That is what truley mother's want to be there for  in all honesty.
  
  When you remove that, the dreams you had for that little baby, you as the parent realize it was just that,  my dream, but I have/had to put all my feelings aside and just remind myself this is DD day not mine. And that in order for a wedding to be a sucess you have to have 2 things: The finacial ppl, and the ppl to do day to day operations. The day to day is what I truely wanted. I am extreamly happy on the man she picked to be her H, I couldn't have asked for a better person for her.
  
  In time I think your mom will come around, she is very hurt right now and she has to come to the reality that what she hoped and dreamed what your day would be like and her role in it has been crushed, and that she has to get herself in the mindset that it's your day and she should be happy. It took DD and I alot of time to talk and cry it out but we are managing. She not once told me I was being selfish, some ppl on here had to tell me that. Even though I didn't want to hear it.
  
  My advice, talk to your mom let her know that you know she is hurt but this is what kind of wedding you want and would love to have her there for advice, support, and to be there for your day.
  
  I do all the interent surfing for DD, I am making little things for her day, we talk every day. Share web sites, lot of e-mails with examples. I placed the order for her cake, I order stuff she wants to be shipped to her. In one way I am envious of the technology today, I just wish I had that in my day. It has helped immensley with this wedding we are throwing together. My ex and I were stationed close to where they are so I am still familur with the area and the business' even though it's been over 20 yrs and the visits had helped to get more ideas on who ot look for on the internet.
  
   She was having a melt down today, (college finals, wedding right around the corner, helping him pack his stuff moving her stuff to his place, and then packing everthing to go to another country in just a matter of months, going 3 hrs one way to help a freind who just had back surgery on a weekly basis, FI having surgery 2 weeks ago) and I was so glad I was able to talk her through how she was feeling. The reward was softly saying while crying"I love you so much mom, you just don't know how much you  mean to me." I couldn't imagine if I had still been in my selfish mode when she needed me. I know she would have never called me then.
  
  I guess what I am trying to say, it's not about the money, it's about being a part of your day. Just work with her, let her digest all of this for a little bit and then on work on coming to a compromise if in fact she is feeling like she will be left out. DD have a very open relationship to where she isn;t afraid to tell me how she feels and vise versa, not that we are mean to each other but we both know the door is always open. Yes, she has had to put me in "check" a few times and that's ok at the stage we are now,
  
  Not sure if this will help I am just exlaining how I felt as a mother. I hope she does come around and will be as happy as she possibly can being so far away. One thing I would suggest if anyway possible, have her see if she or you can fly so she can be there to see you try the dresses on, that part killed me that I didn't think I would be able to. DD thought did save that day until I could go there.
  
  Esquared is correct when she said you have to take all ppls feeling in, and yes one family will have to travel, you should never had said anything about where until you had your mind set and then bring it to your parents, instead of changing it that is  exactly where she(your mom) got upset.  
  
  Sorry this is long,

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• firsttimersluck member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  HAHHHAAH hooooly crap shoes... that's a true response omg O.o
  
  My fi and I went through this too. My family is all in Seattle and his is all in Chattanooga, so we decided to have it in Chattanooga until the Navy decided to plan training around our wedding date. We had to move it up to Seattle. Some of his family is pissed about it, some won't be coming, and lots of my family (extended) assume this means they are invited (not!!) but ultimately it's your wedding, especially if you are paying for it.
  You fell in love with this place, then that's what you want and you should have it. I understand your mom being slightly offended because of the change of plans so to humor her it might be wise to check out a couple barns in the dc area. Take her along and make it a mom/daughter ordeal. She will see the look in your eyes and realize that you are truly in love with this place in Florida. She will get over it after a month of it settling in. 
  
  Word of caution:  it it hard to plan a wedding long distance. I discovered that while looking at places in Chattanooga, talking to caterers/florists/photographers/venues. Be prepared to get organized and consider a day-of corridinator because it can turn into a huge pain.  
  
  Let us know what you end up deciding.. can we see pictures of this barn?

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