BM Issue... WWYD?

melfacto · May 2012

So, my brother and his live in girlfriend of 5 years, have broken up. As she has been such a permanent part of our lives and friend to myself and FI, she was asked to be a BM, now I don't think it would be appropriate. She apparently cheated on my brother, they tried to work through it but obviously could not. Do you think it is assumed she is no longer a BM or should I talk to her about this?

futuremrsbecerra · May 2012

I don't think you can ever assume things. I would talk to her or send her an email if you think it will be uncomfortable to talk to her in person or over the phone. I was worried this same thing would happen with my future bil and future sil. They are married but since last october, every time i'm around her she talks about divorcing my fiance's brother. and my fiance's brother keeps talking to my fiance about divoricing her. she is a bm and he is a gm. i was hoping that they wouldn't get divorced or seperated before the wedding bc i didn't want to have to deal with the drama.

Also, you might want to talk to your brother and see what he thinks you should do. but def. don't assume that she knows bc that could be an extra (bad) surprise on the wedding day.

AbeandCarrie · May 2012

I think you need to talk to her no matter what. If you dont, she may assume one thing while you are assuming another. If she still wants to participate, I don't think it is right to kick her out at this point. But given the situation, she may want to back out herself.

chelseakopperud · May 2012

I agree with PPs..... you need to talk to her.

Danidawn20 · May 2012

I agree with the PP's you should talk to her.

kelsey+brandon · May 2012

I think you need to discuss this with your brother first and then her. I also think that if she's no longer a part of the wedding because you think it'll be awkward, you need to pay her for her dress.

Rethany · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bm-issue-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:87e43df0-bfb8-42b6-a380-eb773ea2c87dPost:f261f9a2-090c-4f3c-ae8b-43a2be900475">Re: BM Issue... WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you need to discuss this with your brother first and then her. I also think that if she's no longer a part of the wedding because you think it'll be awkward, you need to pay her for her dress.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

melfacto · May 2012

Thanks everyone!
I just talked to her (thru text) so bad, anyways, all she said is they are done, and I asked if she'd be coming to our cottage May 19 (this is the date my grandmother who made the 6 BM dresses, told everyone to be there for final fitting) and she said No she was not be coming, do you think that is enough, to believe she has bowed our, I agree I don't want to kick her out per say. Well I have a phone date with my Bro tonight, I feel so bad for him, he was going to propose after our wedding festivites were over! Second woman to cheat on him, what is wrong with people.. arg!

melfacto · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bm-issue-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:87e43df0-bfb8-42b6-a380-eb773ea2c87dPost:f261f9a2-090c-4f3c-ae8b-43a2be900475">Re: BM Issue... WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you need to discuss this with your brother first and then her. I also think that if she's no longer a part of the wedding because you think it'll be awkward, you need to pay her for her dress.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

FI and I paid for all dress material, etc, so no worries there! My concern is more it will be awkward for everyone, and that I don't really want her in all my pictures if she doesn't have enough respect for my brother to be faithful to him..

kelsey+brandon · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bm-issue-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:87e43df0-bfb8-42b6-a380-eb773ea2c87dPost:3c9397af-0025-4c19-89d2-8183f235b5c0">Re: BM Issue... WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Issue... WWYD? : FI and I paid for all dress material, etc, so no worries there! My concern is more it will be awkward for everyone, and that I don't really want her in all my pictures if she doesn't have enough respect for my brother to be faithful to him..
Posted by melfacto[/QUOTE]

<div>Then just be honest with her. I would feel her out a little more just to make sure she's not already bowing out. </div>

Ash61612 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bm-issue-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:87e43df0-bfb8-42b6-a380-eb773ea2c87dPost:6ecd033c-5704-4de6-9850-f9174346d36e">Re: BM Issue... WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Issue... WWYD? : Then just be honest with her. I would feel her out a little more just to make sure she's not already bowing out.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

agree, the worst thing you can do is assume something

[Deleted User] · May 2012

Yeah, it sounds like she knows or decided that she's not going to be involved but I would communicate with her again just to make sure.

MMCBRIDE4 · May 2012

Crappy situation for you and your brother. I would definitely talk with her over the phone if you feel comfortable, sometimes things can be misunderstood through text.

peachykeen26 · May 2012

Never assume. Never un-ask. You need to talk to her about it and talk to your brother about it.

She is still your friend, just talk to her.

diamondx423 · May 2012

I'm sorry, but if someone cheated on my brother I wouldn't want her anywhere near me! No way would I want her at my wedding, let alone IN my wedding.

Jessica632011 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bm-issue-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:87e43df0-bfb8-42b6-a380-eb773ea2c87dPost:980869fe-9e99-4b47-a8b1-9fb0859bcd34">Re: BM Issue... WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but if someone cheated on my brother I wouldn't want her anywhere near me! No way would I want her at my wedding, let alone IN my wedding.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I was thinking the same exact thing!

</div>

doeie04 · May 2012

It sounds like she is taking herself out of the wedding if she won't make it to the dress fitting that is required to get her dress done. If she was just busy, she would have said she had to work or whatever.

Danidawn20 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bm-issue-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:87e43df0-bfb8-42b6-a380-eb773ea2c87dPost:6ecd033c-5704-4de6-9850-f9174346d36e">Re: BM Issue... WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Issue... WWYD? : Then just be honest with her. I would feel her out a little more just to make sure she's not already bowing out.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
This.. just be honest with her

precamies · May 2012

I have very little respect for people who cheat on their SOs. Especially if that was my brothers. I have two older ones and I love them to death. I would have an issue with anyone who hurts them. not by principle, but because I'm emotional like that.
I would first talk to my brother, see what he says. and make sure that he's being honest. I'd have to know if it'd be hurtful for him to see her there. and if it would, I would have to un-ask her. especially because it seems that she's awkward about it too. if she's not going to the final fitting, that's an indicator to me, that she wants out. very likely she wants so avoid the situation.

michelletobin · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bm-issue-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:87e43df0-bfb8-42b6-a380-eb773ea2c87dPost:6ecd033c-5704-4de6-9850-f9174346d36e">Re: BM Issue... WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM Issue... WWYD? : Then just be honest with her. I would feel her out a little more just to make sure she's not already bowing out.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

i agree, her not coming to the fitting isn't the blunt answer to rather or not she is attending the wedding. I would talk to her further and just ask her is she is stepping out of the wedding. Its not going to make things worse, your brother and her are done per their own words.

Danidawn20 · May 2012

So, do you have any more information, did you talk to her and your brother? We wish you the best of luck with it all.

BM Issue... WWYD?

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