Having a hard time right now Vent

letyourselfgo · August 2011

So, FI and I have a lot of pressure coming from different sides on different issues:

We recently moved in together, and my Mom and some others close to us want us to marry next summer like we originally discussed as being a possibility. It's looking more likely that we're pushing the wedding back to August 2013 or 2014. FI wants one of us to have a career, among other things before we tie the knot. I'm a bit closer to that than he is, but with the economy the way it is, and my job not guaranteed after the end of October, everything is very much in the air. I have 2.5 years of school left, if I go full-time....which isn't going to happen due to finances....otherwise, I probably have about 5 years of part-time study to get there. FI is going to school full-time on the GI Bill, and is considering not transferring to the University and simply earning his Associates in Geographic Information Systems. In that case, he'd finish either May 2012 or May 2013.

Either way, my family and many members of our church family are mad because we're cohabiting. They want the wedding to occur next summer.

His family came around to our engagement, but refuses to discuss the subject. They really want FI to consider waiting as long as possible AND moving back out of our apartment and into their house until we actually marry.

It's insane to me, not knowing when we're actually going to get married. Him moving out isn't a possibility unless he suddenly gets a job that pays as much as mine does.

*end of vent*

amongthelilies25 · August 2011

wow.. i am really sorry you are dealing with all of this right now. it is not fun to keep pushing back the wedding?

may i ask why you don't want to get married before school is over? my FI is in school right now.. and i plan to go back in a year or so. I believe there is NOTHING wrong with being married and going to school. Times are tough right now... we are all being hurt by this economy.

Do you want to wait to have a wedding because of having more money? that is TOTALLY understandable. have you considered having a civil court wedding and then doing the BIG ceremony when you are more financially stable?

Personally (in which you do not have to agree) i do not believe in co-habitting before marriage. Christian or not... i think that when marriage happens is when you should live together.I think that it takes the sacredness out of it... puts tempation of sex before marriage in the equation.. and can cause problems later on.

I will definately be praying for your situation because i bet this is SOOO stressful for you.

My biggest advice would be to live seperately... and wait... it WILL BE WORTH IT. or... go to the courthouse and do a small ceremony there... then do the big wedding when you can. (:

GL!

kellya01 · August 2011

I can't offer much advice, but I will pray that God's will for you and your FI becomes clear to you as you navigate the potential changing of your wedding date and dealing with finishing school. I personally didn't choose to move in with FI before the wedding, and that's for very specific reasons, but each of us does what we think is best based on our faith and convictions. Praying!!

letyourselfgo · August 2011

@amongthelillies: The thing is, I don't recieve enough in financial aid to attend school full time, and barely part time. So, I have to work. My current job is temp to possible hire, which if I am not hired on permanently, spells a major financial crisis. To try to head that off, I'm saving as much of my paycheck for an emergency fund as I can. FI's part-time job pays under $10 an hour and it took him 6 months to find his job. We're in a very high unemployment state, and it took me a year to find THIS job. In the meantime, my daughter and I lived on Student Loans. I'm 19k in debt right now on what I've borrowed already, and that's no longer an option anymore.

We don't want to marry until we can support ourselves. We're already on the brink already of NOT being able to do so. I believe that the Lord understands and we trust in him fully.

We're also abstinent. FI has his own bedroom, I have my own room. Sure, temptation is a pain....but so far, so good with the Lord's help.

mrandmrsbrist · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-hard-time-right-now-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b4872035-9619-46df-b6b2-d0953b4ef4b9Post:c5aadd1f-9e3e-48cf-a230-fbc3b3b5396e">Re: Having a hard time right now *Vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't offer much advice, but I will pray that God's will for you and your FI becomes clear to you as you navigate the potential changing of your wedding date and dealing with finishing school. I personally didn't choose to move in with FI before the wedding, and that's for very specific reasons, but each of us does what we think is best based on our faith and convictions. Praying!!
Posted by kellya01[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I'm praying for you. Please keep us updated and let us know what you decide.</div>

sessionswedding · August 2011

FI and I are moving in together this Sunday, and his family is FREAKING OUT! Our wedding is only 3 months away, really. It's for purely logistical, financial, and safety concerns that we are doing this, and we are prepared for the temptation (as we have always been). FI and I are handling it by just standing our ground and not letting the mean words of some people get to us. It'll all be over soon enough! Praying for you!

FaithCaitlin · August 2011

I'll be praying that God guides you. I'm sorry you're in this situation; wish I had some advice.

AshNoel8 · August 2011

I will pray! I know you can get through this season of your life with the Lord's help. Trust in Him!

letyourselfgo · August 2011

Everyone has calmed down once they found out that we have separate bedrooms.

I understand that I'm way more liberal in my beliefs than some of you, but their behavior reeks of hypocrisy!

DramaGeek · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-hard-time-right-now-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b4872035-9619-46df-b6b2-d0953b4ef4b9Post:74ba15b5-1a18-4ac6-a5ca-cea2c4e86a52">Re: Having a hard time right now *Vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone has calmed down once they found out that we have separate bedrooms. I understand that I'm way more liberal in my beliefs than some of you, but their behavior reeks of hypocrisy!
Posted by letyourselfgo[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm glad things are calming down. Also, how does their behavior reek of hypocrisy?</div>

letyourselfgo · August 2011

Not okay = sharing a bedroom even if we're abstinent.
Okay= having separate bedrooms and being abstinent.

Everyone was pitching a fit about us moving in together until we explained that we didn't share a bedroom. What is the difference? The original outrage was over us moving in together, but now everything is 'hunky dory" because we're not sharing a bedroom. It looks like everyone is soooo concerned about appearances, when we know that we're doing the right thing.

They are acting like a bunch of hypocrites.

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