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Father of the bride vs. Stepfather of the bride

sancar85sancar85
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
I am having a problem with my whole walking down the aisle. My parents are divorced and both remarried. I grew up mainly with my Mother and Stepfather who has been in my life since I was in middle school (i'm 24 now). In a lot of ways he has been there for me more than my own father and helped me with things that no one else could. My father and I didn't have a really solid relationship until I hit 5/6th grade. I love him to pieces and like to consider myself a daddys girl. However, I thought it would be a great idea to have both of them walk me down the aisle on my big day since they are both a big part of my life. Well apparently my father didn't think that was such a great idea made me quite aware of how that was a slap in the face because my dad was the one that actually made me and my stepdad wouldnt even be in my life if it werent for my mother. So now I am very confused. I don't want anyone upset and it sucks because no matter what I do I hurt one of them which in return hurts me and I don't want to be upset on my wedding day. I even thought it'd be a good idea to have my dad walk me down and my Mom and Stepdad walk down together- my Mother started crying she was so hurt that I even considered not having my Stepfather walk me down. I don't know what to do.

Please help!
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Re: Father of the bride vs. Stepfather of the bride

  • kissamarykissamary member
    100 Comments
    the epic battle.  I have the exact same situation... down to the ages and everything!  I can't pick, so I am having the parents walk down the aisle before me and then I will walk myself down the aisle.  Then, to acknowledge the parents, I will have them answer to something like, "who supports this man/woman".  I just don't want a fight and I hate the idea of "passing off" half way.
    image
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  • MISSCOURTNEY20MISSCOURTNEY20 member
    1000 Comments
    I say let them both walk you done the aisle. Explain to your dad, as he should already know, that your stepdad has been and will continue to be a very big part of your life. If he doesn't understand that then you really need to reflect and ask him who is this really about. If it is TOTALLY about you, then there should be no issue. It is YOUR day and EVERYONE should be on board when it comes to your wishes. I have the very opposite issue. My dad is deceased and has been for over 10 years sooooo my mom is going to walk me down the aisle. When the minister asks "Who presents this woman?" my mom and sister are going to answer "We are". I am SURE this will be very emotional for all of us. Good Luck!!
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
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  • JCFaineJCFaine
    First Comment
    I agree with MISSCOURTNEY20.  It's funny how alike our stories are! I'm going to give my father and my stepdad the option of BOTH walking me down the aisle or neither.  I really don't have any obligations to anyone since my fiance and I are paying for the wedding.  And it is OUR day!  I want both of them to walk me down the aisle however the final choice is up to them they can either grow up and be the men I know them to be or they can just be childish and ruin an opportunity of a lifetime.  And if both of them choose to be a child, well them my mother will walk me down the aisle and poo on both of them!
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  • ceilidhsaundersceilidhsaunders
    100 Comments
    My dad and step-dad are both walking me down the aisle.  My step-dad is fine with my dad walking with me as well (even though my stepdad pretty much raised me)...haven't brought it up to my father yet though...shall be interesting.
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  • amwilli5amwilli5
    100 Comments
    I was actually having this problem so I feel for you girl.  Unfortunately my father and stepfather couldn't be civil  and do it together. I was going to have my mother do it instead until she suggested I have my uncle do it.  He's been there for me more than my father and stepfather combined so my uncle it is.  I'm confident that you'll find something that makes you happy and if they love you they'll deal with it and not throw it into your face later.
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  • meganandmatt62010meganandmatt62010 member
    10 Comments
    Could you have one of them walk you down the aisle and the other do the Father/Daughter dance or something?  Then they would both have a special role.
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  • jesscolettajesscoletta member
    100 Comments
    Im having the same issue. The only problem I have is Im getting married in the chapel and the isle is sooo small there isnt enough room for them both to walk me down the isle. My idea was for my step father to walk me down the isle to my father, then have my father "give me away" I love my father to death, but honestly he doesnt really "deserve" (i guess i would say) to do anything. And since I have lived on my own for so long and I figured "giving me away" would make him happy. I know thats old fashioned, but its the only thing I could think of,....these decisions are the ones that are the hardest to make,...
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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  • Norms AngelNorms Angel
    10 Comments
    i'm in the exact same situation and my biological father is being the same way. My stepfather (who has been more of a dad than my biodad has been) says he doesn't care, it's my day and not to worry about it. but i do, just like you are. so i think i'm going to have my mom walk me down, she brought me into this world, she survived 9 months of me growing inside of her, and she has been there no matter what since day one, it is more her right than anyone else. my mom has sacrificed more for me than i ever imagined and she and i will be having a mother/daughter dance as well, she's the one that deserves all the credit.
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  • sancar85sancar85
    First Comment
    Ohh no. My father will not want to split or give up his father daughter dance. If I said that I think I'd just be digging myself into a deeper hole. =( What I'm thinking is having them both walk me down the aisle and then they will each have their own dance.
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  • verycraftyverycrafty
    10 Comments
    I was without my biodad for 31 years, just tracking him down 3 years ago.  He is thrilled to be invited to the wedding.  Dad I grew up with is not so thrilled, but he is dealing with it.  I asked Dad I grew up with if it was ok with him if they both walked me.  Clearly it is not, as he said he would have to think about it and let me know.  That was about a year ago, and nothing has been said.

    I have decided that Dad I grew up with will walk me and biodad will get the dance.  FI and I are paying for the entre event.  I never felt like "Daddy's Girl" with Dad I grew up with.  However, he was there when he didn't have to be, and he took on the responsibility that biodad walked away from.  I do feel like "Daddy's Little Girl" with biodad and I think this is a good compromise.  If they don't think so, they can both sit as guests and I will walk myself and skip the dance.  Their loss.....

    Maybe a similar arrangement for you?????

    GL
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  • sophs_rosophs_ro
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_father-of-bride-vs-stepfather-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:84bc1b77-30f4-49ff-910b-c0de5ce956c7Post:2b4ab86e-3f03-4e4a-be40-dc6172ad4a4e">Re: Father of the bride vs. Stepfather of the bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ohh no. <strong>My father will not want </strong>to split or give up his father daughter dance. If I said that I think I'd just be digging myself into a deeper hole. =( What I'm thinking is having them both walk me down the aisle and then they will each have their own dance.
    Posted by sancar85[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Surely it's about what you want hunny?</div><div>
    </div><div>If you want them both then you should have them both and if one doesn't like it then then will have to relinquish to the other.</div><div>
    </div><div>Def have two dances but maybe separate them out a bit so they're not one after the other?</div><div>
    </div><div>xx</div>
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