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BMs + dresses

harper0813harper0813 member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
in Wedding Party
To start - I know I'm a push over, and I know that I could have made this a lot simpler. But unfortunately I didn't. Alas.

I picked a dress in my maids' budget in my original accent color, but one of my maids did not like the dress. So then, I chose another dress that is much cheaper (bingo!), which all of my maids really, really like. It does not come in navy blue (what dress doesn't come in navy blue?!), so I changed the "color palette" for our wedding so that these girls could get a dress they like.

I should note: when I suggested they each just find whatever dress to wear in navy blue, all of them said they'd prefer to wear the same dress.

I thought it would be fun to choose three different shades in the same color family. I found a picture showing an example and it looks beautiful (link). I asked my girls for their opinion on which color they'd like, and several girls said that they really, really want teal. I have five maids, so I would like the colors to be the same as the photo - with one in teal. Since normally a bride just says "here's the color", would it be rude of me to do that in this case, too? So - "assign" each girl her color based on the preferences she sent me (and take her skin tone/hair color into account)? Or have I lost this right?

Thank you in advance for your help.
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Re: BMs + dresses

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    You need to make a decision and stick to it.  I hate to say it but if these are good friends they'll happily (or at least look happy and pretend to be happy without pitching too much of a fit) accept your decision and get the dress.

    That being said, how many of the girls want teal?  You said several so is that 3? 4? all 5? If 3 want teal then just have two be one other color.

    The bottom line: This is yours and your fiance's wedding day.  Don't let your bridesmaids dictate the color.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think you've been fair and flexible thus far.

    Ok, so you want two light blues, two light greens and one teal?
    What if you switched it up and did, like 3 teal, 1 blue and 1 green? Or two teal, 2 blue, 2 green?

    I know you want it to look exactly like that picture, but you want it to be your wedding, not that fake, posed wedding. Or is that a real wedding? In which case, you're just copying someone else's wedding. Looking through pictures for inspiration should give you ideas and inspiration. But make it your own. You want to look at your pictures and see your wedding, not a replica of someone else's wedding or, worse, a fake, posed wedding. I strongly suggest mixing up the colors some other way. Not only will you get your new color palette, but they'll get the colors they want. I see it as a win-win.

    Again, I think you've been fair, I just don't want you copying a picture you saw and then  your wedding day comes and it's not those girls in the picture, it's your own loved ones pretending to be from that picture.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Simply - I totally agree with you. It shouldn't be mimicking another's wedding and I definitely want to avoid that. The reservation I have with the teal is that the medium-blue tone that this dress comes in isn't really a teal - it's more of a punchy blue, and in order for it not to be too punchy-looking (I'm going for more subdued colors to fit an old-worldy venue), I'd like to limit it to just one girl - I think it can be pulled off if it's an "array" of colors. That sounds so dumb.

    There are four girls who want teal.

    How would you suggest I firmly ask them to get specific colors? A couple of them are giving me a rather hard time.
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Is one of the girls who wants teal the MOH?  Then it'd make sense to have only one.  Otherwise you might have to be tough which will be difficult since you've let them make decisions already...
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bms-dresses-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a387010c-b588-4162-b659-1b3513864f4fPost:2f7d1fc8-5075-4580-864b-d86d6cfd9f5f">Re: BMs + dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is one of the girls who wants teal the MOH?  Then it'd make sense to have only one.  Otherwise you might have to be tough which will be difficult since you've let them make decisions already...
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes, actually! So you think that's a good fix for the situation?</div>
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bms-dresses-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a387010c-b588-4162-b659-1b3513864f4fPost:05b4d50e-74b0-4a89-9c51-e0e774d6eddd">Re: BMs + dresses</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BMs + dresses : Yes, actually! So you think that's a good fix for the situation?
    Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]
    I think it makes sense if it's the MOH.

    What if you got the other girls teal in their bouquets? I have no idea what you have planned for them as far as bouquets go (or if you're even having them) but my friend (the bride) surprised me with a purple bouquet to carry (my favorite color!) and I was thrilled. I had no say in the color dress I wore, but the purple in the bouquet was awesome. It's just a suggestion based on what happened to me.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Zob, I think your link should be a sticky on the A and A board. Goodness! Heavens! Look the BM's shoes don't all match. Oh no! How could the BM's do that to the bride? She should have stomped her pretty little feet so those ill brought up girls bowed to her every whim. Not making fun of you but the bridezilla crazies who worry about such things. You sound like a kind bride who really cares about her girls. Go for it.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    At this point, I'd pick a dress and tell them, "This is it.  No more changes."  Since the one who wants the different dress is the MOH, I'd be fine with it.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The bride should get to choose the color of the bm dresses. IMO, it's reasonable to assign colors, since your bms haven't been able to work it out.
                       
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  • Andama08Andama08 member
    100 Comments
    It's your wedding and if they agreed to be apart of it they shouldn't complain even if they are paying. You should get the first and final say in every choice made. If you wanted them to wear every color in the rainbow that's up to you. At first I was worried about what my bridesmaid would think and feel but when it comes down to it, it's your day and you should be happy. I chose the color and dress options I liked but I allowed the girls to rank which dresses they would feel most comfortabl in (varying sizes, heights), but I had the final decision. When they have their own weddings they can make decisions like that, and they should respect your opinions. This is exaclty the reason why I didn't bring any bridesmaids (besides my sister, matron of honor) to go bridal gown shopping with me. Too many decisions/opinions brings for a disaster. Do what makes you happy!!!
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  • Sierra524Sierra524 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I think you have been pretty accomodating and reasonable so far. They are adults, and if they cant come to a decision, then you need to just make the final decision. Have your MOH wear the teal color & then let the others figure out what they want from the remaining colors. If they still cant agree, you pick for them.
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