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overbearing advice

My future mother-in-law seems to have an opinion about almost EVERYTHING! She is telling us what we should do and what we shouldn't, but she's not just "telling" us she's jamming it down our throats. Saying things like "if you do it that way, you'll regret it for the rest of your lives".  She's in her 60's and we're in our mid 20's so I know her views on some things aren't going to be what we actually want/feel. But I'm afraid to take her advice and then end up regreting that for the rest of my life. When is enough, enough? Should I really tell her to stop giving us advice (that we didn't ask for)? We're paying for our entire wedding so i don't feel obligated to do anything she says, but she won't stop.
Any advice?

Re: overbearing advice

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_overbearing-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f979f83-7bba-4082-8c26-f26a97d977f3Post:81829857-ed47-482d-9e5b-9dc4094d76b5">overbearing advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]My future mother-in-law seems to have an opinion about almost EVERYTHING! She is telling us what we should do and what we shouldn't, but she's not just "telling" us she's jamming it down our throats. Saying things like "if you do it that way, you'll regret it for the rest of your lives".  She's in her 60's and we're in our mid 20's so I know her views on some things aren't going to be what we actually want/feel. But I'm afraid to take her advice and then end up regreting that for the rest of my life. When is enough, enough? Should I really tell her to stop giving us advice (that we didn't ask for)? We're paying for our entire wedding so i don't feel obligated to do anything she says, but she won't stop. Any advice?
    Posted by jcrandall86[/QUOTE]

    Where is your FI in all of this?

  • I'm assuming "FI" means Fiance? Sorry I'm kind of new to the lingo. He feels that we should ignor her, but after we thank her for her advice and tell her we're going to do it how we want she gets so heated and mad and then starts yelling and won't shut up about it.
    I guess I want to know if other people's advice important to our decision making? Or should we go with what we've always dreamed of no matter what people are going to say or think?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_overbearing-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f979f83-7bba-4082-8c26-f26a97d977f3Post:81829857-ed47-482d-9e5b-9dc4094d76b5">overbearing advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]My future mother-in-law seems to have an opinion about almost EVERYTHING! She is telling us what we should do and what we shouldn't, but she's not just "telling" us she's jamming it down our throats. Saying things like "if you do it that way, you'll regret it for the rest of your lives".  She's in her 60's and we're in our mid 20's so I know her views on some things aren't going to be what we actually want/feel. But I'm afraid to take her advice and then end up regreting that for the rest of my life. When is enough, enough? Should I really tell her to stop giving us advice (that we didn't ask for)? We're paying for our entire wedding so i don't feel obligated to do anything she says, but she won't stop. Any advice?
    Posted by jcrandall86[/QUOTE]
    Ignore her. Change the subject. And don't bring up the wedding with her ever. And if she brings it up, change the subject. And remember to smile. :)
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_overbearing-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f979f83-7bba-4082-8c26-f26a97d977f3Post:8a3eb809-b25c-415c-a3c8-8263814ad8a5">Re: overbearing advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm assuming "FI" means Fiance? Sorry I'm kind of new to the lingo. He feels that we should ignor her, but after we <strong>thank her for her advice and tell her we're going to do it how we want</strong> she gets so heated and mad and then starts yelling and won't shut up about it. I guess I want to know if other people's advice important to our decision making? Or should we go with what we've always dreamed of no matter what people are going to say or think?
    Posted by jcrandall86[/QUOTE]

    In lieu of not discussing anything wedding-related anymore, which is an option, how about saying "Thank you, we'll take it into consideration. Have you tried this bean dip"? You don't have to take her ideas into consideration, but it's less harsh than what she's hearing, which is "Thanks, but we're not interested in hearing from you because your ideas suck." That may not be what you're saying, but that's what she's hearing.

  • I also have a FMIL that is kind of this way. I think you should ignore her. If it's bothering you so much that something must be done, FI should handle it since it's his mother.

    I find myself having to bite my tongue pretty much every time I see me FMIL.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Stop discussing wedding plans with her.  "Oh, we've taken care of that...have you tried the bean dip".
  • Ok so I don't have much advice but I have empthy.  FI's mother sometimes gets this way.  We did Christmas at our new house this year and she kept on inputting her ideas that weren't even that important...but this was important to me cause I was hosting such an important holiday.  For example I wanted to set the table with nice platters and things (of which my mother bought me b/c she knew I was hosting Christmas for my future in laws) and she was like just leave it on the stove and we will just do a walk thru...so in turn she was like don't set the table. It was a very stressful weekend.  Luckly, I wasn't alone she was getting on FI, FSIL, FBIL, and most likely FFIL's nerves as well.  We just try to change the topic quickly and FSIL told her to "suck a beer" HaHa

    I agree do not tell them if you are planning a baby....or even get her started on names--it could be dangerous :)
  • >>Should I really tell her to...

    Absolutely not.  She's not your mother, and you should not tell her to do anything. 

    That said, she IS your FI's mom, so FI should be taking care of this.

    Here is a suggestion for FI:
    "Look Mom, Mr. and Mrs. Crandall are hosting the wedding.  Sure, J and I are paying for a lot of it, but traditionally you know that the bride's parents host the wedding, and Mr. and Mrs. Crandall will be doing the tasks of hosting the wedding and reception.  Now, our side hosts the RD.  We need to get started on that.  How about I pick you up next Saturday at 11:30, and we'll go to lunch and brainstorm a bunch of ideas about the RD - like where you'd like to have it and what kind of theme and food you'd like to ask about and so on...?"
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_overbearing-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7f979f83-7bba-4082-8c26-f26a97d977f3Post:bd6f55fa-04ec-4632-81e4-e8efdb7fc09c">Re: overbearing advice</a>:
    [QUOTE] /> />Should I really tell her to... Absolutely not.  She's not your mother, and you should not tell her to do anything.  That said, she IS your FI's mom, so FI should be taking care of this. Here is a suggestion for FI: "<strong>Look Mom, Mr. and Mrs. Crandall are hosting the wedding.  Sure, J and I are paying for a lot of it, but traditionally you know that the bride's parents host the wedding, and Mr. and Mrs. Crandall will be doing the tasks of hosting the wedding and reception.</strong>  Now, our side hosts the RD.  We need to get started on that.  How about I pick you up next Saturday at 11:30, and we'll go to lunch and brainstorm a bunch of ideas about the RD - like where you'd like to have it and what kind of theme and food you'd like to ask about and so on...?"
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

    Are you mentally challenged? Please point out where the OP said her parents were paying for or hosting anything.

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