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HELP!!! should I buy the dresses or pay for hair and makeup?

lstruggleslstruggles member
10 Comments
in Attire & Accessories Forum
I have 7 maids in my wedding.  2 of them are my sisters and are 21 and 18yrs old.  I have one friend flying over from the UK and one from Maine and the other 3 live within 1 hour from me.

My mom and dad are buying my sisters dresses. I offered to pay for the 2 out of town maids as my bm from the UK spent $1200 on her plane ticket and the one from Maine is scheduled to move back here one week after my wedding and now has to buy two plane tickets.  I am also planning on paying for their shoes, hair and makeup.  I told one of my bm's that I am doing this and she responded with "you know, you shouldn't feel obligated to buy their dresses if they agree to be in your wedding they should understand they need to pay for it." This gave me the impression that she may be a bit upset that I am buying theirs and not hers because of the WAY she said it to me.

Now I am thinking I should pay for all the dresses and let them pay for their hair nails and makeup.  I was planning on for sure picking up the tab for one of these things, but all of it for the out of towners - is this a bad idea? Should I ask them to keep it quiet if I pay?  The dresses are $135 so not too much. I would imagine that hair and makeup will cost about $100+ as well.

What should I do? HELP!
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Re: HELP!!! should I buy the dresses or pay for hair and makeup?

  • lopezalonsolopezalonso member
    100 Comments
    edited February 2012
    You DO NOT have to pay for their dresses. I think that your BM is right. Once you agree to be a BM it is understood that you are to pay for your own dress and living far away is something they should have taken into account. If a comfortable pricepoint was agreed upon and the dress cost falls within that point I'd leave it alone. It will look unfair to the other BM's that you didn't pay for their dresses.

    Make it up to your BM's with a kick a** gift and pay for their makeup so they feel pretty and pampered :)

    Equal treatment for everyone.
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  • ceh789ceh789 member
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    A bridesmaid is obligated to pay for their dress.  Period.

    If you require anything else - shoes, hair, make up, nails, jewelry, boa - it's on you to pay for it.

    I would suggest that if you are paying for some of your BM's dresses that you keep that arrangement private between you and that BM.  It is none of the other BMs business.
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  • LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
    500 Comments
    If you're requiring hair and makeup, pay for that. You do not need to pay for dresses. When a BM agrees to be a part of your WP, it's understood she pays for the dress previously agreed upon, budgetwise. If you want to pay for the dresses as a gift, that's fine, but be aware that a supplemental "personalized' bridesmaid gift is required, according to wedding etiquette experts. The gift should not be anything required for the wedding.

    Also, keep it hush hush if you pay for some and not others. As PP said, not much to do now but make it up to those you offended by getting them kick-ass presents.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Typically, the BM does pay for their own dress (assuming you discussed their budget with them prior to selecting a dress).  If you are requiring hair & make-up, then you should pay for it.

    Honestly though, if I was your BM and it was a choice between you paying for my dress, or my hair & makeup, I'd rather have you pay for the dress and then I'd do my own hair & makeup.
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  • lovenhaightlovenhaight
    First Comment
    Do whatever you need to do to ensure that your bridesmaids are happy because at the end of all of the wedding hoopla, these are your friends. 

    Yes, there is an understanding when you ask someone to be a BM that there are costs involved, but I think that having an international BM and a distant BM makes it a different situation. They are paying a lot of money to even be there, so if you can make it easier on them, you should do it.

    Being a bride and abiding by what people tell you is proper etiquette doesn't mean much if your friends end up going broke or resenting you for asking so much of them. If you decide to help assuage the costs for these two BMs, perhaps keep that between you and them, or figure out if you've got room in the budget to pay for all of the dresses. 
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