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My mother's comments

lauramarquez99lauramarquez99
10 Comments
in Illinois-Chicago
My mother sometimes is very opinionated.  She can sometimes say something w/out thinking and might not really care if its rude or not.

She is happy about me getting married and gets along w/my fiance and everything.  No problems w/that.  He is the first man in my life that gets along w/my parents.

However, she made a comment last night that bothered me but I think it bothers me because she is correct.  But should it really matter?

So here it is:  
My fiance is really not a handy-man.  He is good in other things but tools etc is not his thing.  I think I'm better at that.

He grew up in a white-colar home/family compared to me that grew up in a blue-colar home and picked up some things that I saw my dad do.  Is it really his fault that his parents never taught him things that they never did?  I'm sure they hired someone to do it for them...

Another thing that helped me was after my divorce 8 years ago, I lived on my own so I kind of had to do some things on my own since I didn't really have  a "man" in the house.

So my mom's concern is that he is not the handy-man type like my dad. And therefore doesn't think he is MAN enough for taking care of me and my daughter.

Don't get me wrong - he is a great man and I love him to death.  He's responsible working man.  I think that because he has never been married or have had children - he didn't really need to do certain "dad" things.  He will learn things as we live together, I'm sure.

So my question is, should this really bother me?  I mean I want to marry the man that loves me like he does and respects me, I don't want to marry someone just because he is a "fix" man.


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Re: My mother's comments

  • imtaken07imtaken07
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    One of my best friends, she is very handy around the house, while her husband doesn't know which end of a screw driver to use. But they are both very happily married and her husband is a great guy, father and husband. They are about the best married couple you could ask for.

    Don't sweat it. You know what he is all about and you love him, or you wouldn't be getting married. And besides, us girls can do things better anyway. right?  :)
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  • jbll326jbll326 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd try not to worry about it, though I know that can be difficult since most of us tend to take our parents' opinions and comments to heart.  Marriage is not about who can fix the squeeky cabinet or broken doorknob. It is about the love and respect you have for each other. Keep that in mind when your mom, or anyone else for that matter, makes comments about your fiance and your relationship. He should not be penalized because he hasn't been married or been a dad yet or because he was not raised to be handy - you obviously chose to marry him for a reason and know that he CAN, in fact, support you and your daughter, just maybe in a different way than your blue collar family members think of it. He will be providing financial and emotional support and a wonderful future together, so who cares about his ability to swing a hammer?    
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  • berrytrberrytr
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the others.  Your FI's ability to fix things around the house (or lack thereof) has absolutely no relationship to his ability to be a good husband and potential father.  The important thing is that he loves and respects you.
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  • jessNlane52804jessNlane52804
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have a similar situation. My dad has worked in consruction as a side job when he was young. He can do pretty much anything around the house. FI can't use a screwdriver. His parents have always worked in education and never taught him to do anything around the house. I'm an engineer, so I LOVE to fix things. My joke is that we need to put some pink tools on the registry because I'll be the one using them.

    I don't think it matters what your mom thinks on this one. As long as you love him and can accept that he's not handy, then it's ok.
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  • jbll326jbll326 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    lol...the tool set in our house is pink, so you can see I have a similar situation! :)
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  • lauramarquez99lauramarquez99
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree.
    Thanks guys.

    I think women nowadays are different and mom's expect to marry someone like our fathers.

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