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XP - premarital assessment

DianaL616DianaL616 member
100 Comments
in Christian Weddings
My FI and I are doing the prepare/enrich premarital assessment through the pastor of the church that we will be married at. I did my assessment last night and FI will do his part soon. Once the pastor reviews our answers we will have meeting to discuss the strengths and weaknesses. 

I'm super nervous about the meeting! I answered the questions honestly and we don't have serious issues but we aren't the perfect couple either. I'm a pretty private person so I guess I'm just mostly nervous about discussing personal things with someone that I really don't know. I am overall happy to be doing it though because I think it's an important of wedding prep. Wish me luck!  
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Re: XP - premarital assessment

  • yodacubyodacub member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    FI and I did the same sort of assesment, and we were both nervous, especially since we don't know the pastor well and weren't quite sure what would come out of it.  It ended up being really good, though - very encouraging in that it came through that we have good  communication skills and the areas to work on were things we already knew about.  I'm praying for you that you will come out of your first session encouraged!
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  • FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I hope it goes well!! Don't worry. :)

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  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    DH and I took that and it only helped. :)  We took the survey the 2nd week of our premarital class, so there were some things, like some of the sex topics, that we had not talked about at that point, but covered before we had the private meeting with our mentor couple.  There were also some questions we answered differently because we interpreted them differently, which we also discussed with our mentor couple (pink glasses, blue hearing aids if you've read Love & Respect).

    If you discuss the survey with your FI after he takes it, don't freak out if you answered something differently.  That's why you take the survey...to discover what your differences really are and hash out the "majors" before the wedding.

    Answering them honestly is very important.  Since you take the survey separtely, you can't use the line, "Oh, yeah, me too...totally agree with you," when you're actually holding back how you really feel (I'm a people pleaser...it's something DH and I are continuing to work through.  I'm sure he would love to just send me a survey to figure out how I'm really feeling instead of me just saying "I'm fine).
    Some, if not most, of the minors probably won't change, but they're livable differences.  
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  • mattycammattycam member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    We did the same assessment as well and it was great! What better place to discuss/face your issues or potential issues? One partner might think everything is great in one area where the other partner might think otherwise. It's not about  offending or hurting eachother, it's about growing and dealing with issues in the now than the later as well as being equipped with tools to deal with certain issues should the same problem arise in the future.
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  • faith415faith415 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI and I did the same one! I was super nervous going into it to, not because of the survey, but because of having to talk about it in front of our minister! He's my best friend's dad so it felt pretty weird!

    Like others have said it was really helpful to go through! FI and I knew that we had differences in some aspects, but doing the survey and working through it with the minister really helped us understand why we had those differences!

    Our minister would read things out to us and have us guess which on of us he was talking about! It was really funny because FI and I always started laughing since we knew immediately which of us it was! Plus, the descriptions were dead on!

    Good luck! You'll be very grateful for it after you've gone through it!
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  • AshNoel8AshNoel8
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We did an assessment too- not sure if it was the same one. Good luck- you will love premarital counseling. It is really nice to learn things and really prepare to be married. 
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  • RebeccaJacRebeccaJac
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Keep in mind that the assessments aren't about if you should get married or not, it just helps you recognize where some of your trouble spots will be-- and we ALL have them. It's a tool, not a pre-requisite for marriage. Answer honestly, and take to heart the advice and you'll be good! 

    It'll help your marriage in the long run!
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  • firemedicrrfiremedicrr
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I took my prepare-enrich assessment yesterday, and FI is working on his. He lives 6 hrs away from me (he is military) so we were glad to find a counselor who would work with us on weekends or via skype since that's the only way we'll get premarital counseling done, and it's important to both of us. I was a little nervous answering some of the questions, too. I definitely haven't been an exemplary Christian in the past (and neither was FI). It's slightly awkward for me because it turns out our counselor knows my dad (who is a pastor)... but there's confidentiality, and I know that ultimately being completely honest will help us in our marriage. 

    Good luck to you; it's exciting and nerve wracking at the same time!
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