GM or BM Sitting away from SO

AEPerpete · May 2012

Hi All! I've been noticing on different boards that there are many different views on where a BM or GM should sit at a Reception. Some believe it should be at the head table with the bridal party, and some think this is rude if they have a SO sitting at another table at the Reception.
I have planned to have our party sit up at the head table with us, and the SO's of the party will be sitting at our "friends table". We have a pretty big wedding party, and so including the SO's at the head table isn't really an option. Most of our friends know eachother pretty well, so I don't think it will be awkward for anyone, but after reading some posts on here, I don't know if I should reconsider and have those with a SO, sit with thier SO at the friends table instead?
Is it rude/ poor etiquette to have any BM's or GM seperated from their SO for the dinner portion of the reception, or is it a matter of preference/ opinion?

Lizzieyounce · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-or-bm-sitting-away-from-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:804d13a4-b7c8-491f-85db-18f7fbb63717Post:62e00cb4-ff37-4b4a-a8ac-f3863e82fd4f">GM or BM Sitting away from SO</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All! I've been noticing on different boards that there are many different views on where a BM or GM should sit at a Reception. Some believe it should be at the head table with the bridal party, and some think this is rude if they have a SO sitting at another table at the Reception. I have planned to have our party sit up at the head table with us, and the SO's of the party will be sitting at our "friends table". We have a pretty big wedding party, and so including the SO's at the head table isn't really an option. Most of our friends know eachother pretty well, so I don't think it will be awkward for anyone, but after reading some posts on here, I don't know if I should reconsider and have those with a SO, sit with thier SO at the friends table instead? Is it rude/ poor etiquette to have any BM's or GM seperated from their SO for the dinner portion of the reception, or is it a matter of preference/ opinion?
Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>You really shouldn't seperate SOs at dinner. Why not do a sweethearts table and then a WP table so that you can seat the SOs with the WP?

</div>

QueerFemme · May 2012

Personally, I think it's rude. Make it a "sweetheart's table" and let your bridal party sit with their SO. I realize being away from your SO for a few hours isn't a live or die situation.... but, I would rather sit with my sweetheart if we were at the same event.

erbear84 · May 2012

I really hate the idea of separating the WP from their SO's. Would you want to be apart from your SO at a wedding, even if you knew other people?

midgetthemighty · May 2012

I think this is one of those social circle things. It's completely normal and expected in my circle of friends and family to separate the WP from their SO's. I've never had an issue with it and neither do any of my WP members so we're having a head table sans SO's. When I suggested otherwise, everyone looked at me like I was crazy. It's okay though because that's what I wanted anyway. If someone was uncomfortable with that, I would have changed our plan to a sweetheart table.

So I think it boils down to what is best for your situation. How does your WP feel about this arrangement?

ECook25 · May 2012

Yes, it is rude to have BMs/GMs separated from their SOs. Why not skip the head table entirely, and just seat the individual WP members and their SOs together with friends?

At my wedding, H and I sat at a table of 9 that included our MOH (no SO), best man and wife, a BM and her husband, and a very close friend and her husband. The rest of the WP was scattered around the room at tables where it "made sense" to place them (with their friends, family, etc). It worked out very nicely.

sparent2010 · May 2012

I would say king's table- WP with SOs or a sweetheart table.

jemmini6 · May 2012

I think it's rude to split couples, especially at an event that celebrates love. Yes, it has been tradition for a while to have a head table, but luckily they are getting less and less common because people realize their friends are much happier to sit with their dates.

We did a sweetheart table, which was actually really nice because it gave H and I some alone time at our wedding, which is surprisingly hard to come by. Our WP was seated with their dates, families, or friends.

specialk84 · May 2012

We had a head table, but the WP SOs sat up there, too.

AEPerpete · May 2012

You all bring up some good points, the best one probably being that I should ask them how they feel/ what best suits them. I want people to have the best time possible, so it just makes sense to ask them.
I haven't been to a wedding where the couple had a sweetheart table, but it seems like a cute idea. I just thought I'd want to have my Sister/MOH at my side and same with him and his Best Man to enjoy the night and talk/laugh with. I'll ask the BP what they'd like though.

Callmefia · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-or-bm-sitting-away-from-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:804d13a4-b7c8-491f-85db-18f7fbb63717Post:b4bef9f5-9e1a-4e58-af73-3e78d45ad03f">Re: GM or BM Sitting away from SO</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is one of those social circle things. It's completely normal and expected in my circle of friends and family to separate the WP from their SO's. I've never had an issue with it and neither do any of my WP members so we're having a head table sans SO's. <strong>When I suggested otherwise, everyone looked at me like I was crazy.</strong> It's okay though because that's what I wanted anyway. If someone was uncomfortable with that, I would have changed our plan to a sweetheart table. So I think it boils down to what is best for your situation. How does your WP feel about this arrangement?
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

I'm still debating it all Midge, we are in the same situation. EVERYONE expects it (including the SO's and they don't care). But I still feel bad. My mom looked at me like I had two heads when I suggested we not have a head table.

I was thinking we would do our table and have our MOH and BM and their significant others sit with us. Then we could have another table or two for the rest of the WP and their significant others. But it might not work out THAT well once you figure who sits with who etc....

Beachy730 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-or-bm-sitting-away-from-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:804d13a4-b7c8-491f-85db-18f7fbb63717Post:b4bef9f5-9e1a-4e58-af73-3e78d45ad03f">Re: GM or BM Sitting away from SO</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is one of those social circle things. It's completely normal and expected in my circle of friends and family to separate the WP from their SO's. I've never had an issue with it and neither do any of my WP members so we're having a head table sans SO's. When I suggested otherwise, everyone looked at me like I was crazy. It's okay though because that's what I wanted anyway. If someone was uncomfortable with that, I would have changed our plan to a sweetheart table. So I think it boils down to what is best for your situation. How does your WP feel about this arrangement?
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this. I think nothing of it at all because we are used to it.</div><div>
</div><div>Although I will say that in October we are going to a wedding in Cali that H is in and I know nobody else. So while I am so used to head tables, I've always known a ton of people at the weddings. Now that I know nobody I'm kinda hoping that they don't have a head table. Yep, I'm a hypocrite. But I do think it depends on who their spouse/date knows. Every SO of our WP had many friends or family there so it was never an issue.</div>

DramaGeek · May 2012

I hate head tables. Not just for the separated from your date standpoint (which sucks, especially if you're like my poor H and not know anyone except the BP), but also from the being on display standpoint. Everyone just stares and watches you eat. It's awful, it's even worse if the head table is on a stage/platform.

I would do a round table - one for you, H, your MOH and So, BM and SO, and another couple if you want, and then do two more rounds close by with the rest of your BP and SOs.

egm900 · May 2012

My biggest problem with head tables is that you can really only have a conversation with the people sitting at either side of you, who are the same people you spent the evening before with, as well as the entire wedding day. Unless your WP are all BFFs, there comes a point where they need a break from each other. We're sitting at a round table like all the other guests, and seating close family and friends with their SOs with us.

Queen Jane · May 2012

The wedding I was just in had a no-SO head table (see two posts below). I did not know anyone else and it was awkward. Some of the other girls seemed to "expect" a head table, but they were mostly local, I was the only BM from OOT.

We sat SO's together with people they already knew or we thought they might get along with while we sat at a sweetheart table.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-or-bm-sitting-away-from-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:804d13a4-b7c8-491f-85db-18f7fbb63717Post:edfa28f9-ca2e-4fed-be5f-f652017eee3a">Re: GM or BM Sitting away from SO</a>:
[QUOTE]You all bring up some good points, the best one probably being that I should ask them how they feel/ what best suits them. I want people to have the best time possible, so it just makes sense to ask them. I haven't been to a wedding where the couple had a sweetheart table, but it seems like a cute idea.<strong> I just thought I'd want to have my Sister/MOH at my side and same with him and his Best Man to enjoy the night and talk/laugh with.</strong> I'll ask the BP what they'd like though.
Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

Here's the thing: You won't be sitting down for more than 5 or maybe 10 minutes. You'll scarf down some food and then you and your husband will do table visits to thank your guests for attending. it will really just end up with your wedding party sitting by themselves up there through dinner.

OliveOilsMom · May 2012

My FSIL just told us the other day that H will be at the head table and I will be seated with MIL and other family. As soon as they left, H said he hated the idea of sitting away from me. He doesn't get it. So after dinner is done, H will bring is chair over and squeeze in at our table.

Please seat your WP with their SOs!

We loved our sweetheart table. We were able to chat about the day and look out over all our friends & family there to see our wedding.

mkrupar · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-or-bm-sitting-away-from-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:804d13a4-b7c8-491f-85db-18f7fbb63717Post:b4bef9f5-9e1a-4e58-af73-3e78d45ad03f">Re: GM or BM Sitting away from SO</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is one of those social circle things. It's completely normal and expected in my circle of friends and family to separate the WP from their SO's. I've never had an issue with it and neither do any of my WP members so we're having a head table sans SO's. When I suggested otherwise, everyone looked at me like I was crazy. It's okay though because that's what I wanted anyway. If someone was uncomfortable with that, I would have changed our plan to a sweetheart table. So I think it boils down to what is best for your situation. How does your WP feel about this arrangement?
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

Here's my issue with this mentality. Why not be different and proper regardless of what people are used to? Why just go with the flow on everything? So since everyone who's everyone who's been married before at your wedding had a head table this means you should have one too??

OP how does this sound to you? "Hey Jenny thanks soooo much for spending so much time and money being a BM in our wedding and celebrating OUR LOVE and committment. It's really awesome of you, but for the reception we're totally going to separate you from the one you love and have a committment with. That's ok right?"

abbyizzymommy · May 2012

Ok so when my friend got married, (my fi's best friend was the groom) my fi sat at the head table with the WP, and there was a table designated for the wives/ girlfriends of the GM. I sat at that table, and although we joked about being the "wedding party widows" it really was fun. We got to know eachother, and really sat for a total of about an hour. I think it is appropriate, when someone is in the wedding they expect to sit separate. Again, just my opinion.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2012

How many people are we talking about? I was at a wedding over the weekend and the bride and groom had a captain's table. It was 2 "tables" wide, and positioned lengthwise so that they sat at the far end of the table, and then one side of the wedding party (and dates) sat down one side, and the other side of the wedding party (and dates) sat on the other side. There were 10 people total in the wedding party and their dates, not including the bride and groom. It was not too big of a table, and the guests tables were round and surrounded the captain's table.

It WAS a little weird for me to be the center of the room/attention like that, since I wasn't in the wedding party. ;-) However, I didn't know anyone at the wedding well, other than my husband, so I would have been horrified to NOT sit next to him. Also? My husband was good friends with the best man and his partner, who were sitting with us, but the style of table made it hard to talk. And there were some other people he would have liked to sit with as well. Which brings me to the conclusion that a sweetheart table is awesome. The bride and groom are up for much anyway that they won't be talking to their wedding party that much. Plus, being at the end of the table, I couldn't even talk to them if I wanted to! My H and I did a sweetheart table and then sat the wedding party throughout the other reception tables with people they knew (and their dates).

ETA: the bride at the wedding with the captain's table? At MY wedding she was ready to flip on her now-husband, who was a groomsman, if he had to sit at a head table away from her, because she didn't know anyone else. Turned out to be a non-issue, obviously, but a little forethought and kindness now might go a long way in the future, you know? Obviously it was something important to her, and I'm glad that was reflected in her own wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-or-bm-sitting-away-from-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:804d13a4-b7c8-491f-85db-18f7fbb63717Post:edfa28f9-ca2e-4fed-be5f-f652017eee3a">Re: GM or BM Sitting away from SO</a>:
[QUOTE]You all bring up some good points, the best one probably being that I should ask them how they feel/ what best suits them. I want people to have the best time possible, so it just makes sense to ask them. I haven't been to a wedding where the couple had a sweetheart table, but it seems like a cute idea. I just thought I'd want to have my Sister/MOH at my side and same with him and his Best Man to enjoy the night and talk/laugh with. I'll ask the BP what they'd like though.
Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

You could also do a smaller "head table" with the MOH, best man, and their dates, then seat the rest of the wedding party with their dates elsewhere.

Tami87 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gm-or-bm-sitting-away-from-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:804d13a4-b7c8-491f-85db-18f7fbb63717Post:98385307-1b5e-44a7-9a06-052232c61c12">Re: GM or BM Sitting away from SO</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: GM or BM Sitting away from SO : You could also do a smaller "head table" with the MOH, best man, and their dates, then seat the rest of the wedding party with their dates elsewhere.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I second this. This is what we plan to do and I feel like it is a good compromise, since having a head table with all the wedding party and SOs would be too large for how our room is set up. The rest of the wedding party is sitting together with their dates at a round table next to the head table.

AEPerpete · May 2012

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice.
I had never thought about doing the tables close by the sweetheart table that had the other BMs and GM and their SOs. This sounds like the best compromise.
I was talking to 2 of my BM's today and they both said they expected to be sitting with us without their SO's. They hadn't heard of it being any other way either (maybe is not just a social circle thing, but a location and traditional thing as well as some of you were saying).
I think because all our friends know our other friends, and everybody is so close, people wouldn't have any hard feelings about it. Especially because it is just for the dinner, but some of you were saying it's about celebrating love, and it's true that seperating other people doesn't really go with that sentiment.
It seems like the sweet heart table with other tables for the other WP members and thier SO's would work best to include everyone. ( We have 14 members in our WP).

Viczaesar · May 2012

Why on earth should anyone expect to sit apart from their loved one on a day that's all about celebrating love? The whole idea is a giant logic fail. Head tables without SOs are the mullets of the wedding industry. Don't do it.

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