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New York-Hudson Valley

TAKE PICS BEFORE THE CEREMONEY???

Hi Ladies .  I am so torn .  We are having our ceremony at our Venue not at a church. 

Heres the dilema , We really didnt want to see eachother before the wedding , but after speaking with photographers i realize thats really not an option .

I'm kinda getting over it but im sad about it , He is really against taking pics 1st .  If we don't take the pics before the ceremony we'll miss 1/2 of our own wedding !!

Any suggestions ??  ideas ?? thoughts ??  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh  !!!!

Re: TAKE PICS BEFORE THE CEREMONEY???

  • edited December 2011
    I was against it aswell but honestly i am sooo glad we ended up doing it in the end,Our plan was to do pictures before the ceremony so we can enjoy our guests during cocktail hour and we ended up even missing out on most of our cocktail hr bc pictures took so long.We started pictures at 10am and the ceremony started at 1 and that wasnt even enough time for everything...I couldnt imagine starting pictures after the ceremony and missing half of our wedding
  • kristinanddankristinanddan member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You can either take all of the pictures beforehand and get to enjoy your cocktail hour, or take as many photos as you can beforehand without you two seeing each other, then take those photos during the cocktail hour. You'll miss the cocktail hour, but you'll get all the pictures you need in that hour.
    image image image
  • MYLOVE315MYLOVE315 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm in the same position.  I don't want to waiver on how I feel. i want the first time for my FI to see me is when I'm walking down the aisle. I'm not a fan of "staging" the moment. 

    That said...my deal w/ my photographer is that we won't have a receiving line after the ceremony. I posted my question on the board to see what others have done.  I'm told because it's not a church wedding it's not protocol what we "have" to have a receiving line and we can talk to our guests during the cocktail hour.

    I told my photographer he's got a 1/2 hr to get in as many pics of the 2 of us w/ our fam for posed pics..  After that I said he can take action shots or real shots of us working the cocktail hour. 

    Do I feel pressed for time? Sure. My photographer feels he can make it happen. 

    To me I want good quality shots but I don't want to be standing there for hours taking pics....but that's just me.  After having 3 sister's getting married before me and the amount of time we spent on pictures alone just blew my mind and the fact to this day they barely look at their albums proves me right.  I'll get what I need to get. He will have a shot list.  And if during the course of the day there's a photo I want to take he said for me to just grab him. But he said he will be no more then an arms length away from me. 

    That's my 2 cents for what it's worth. It's hard for us to stand our ground and do what we want but IMO it's anticlimatic if he sees me before and vice versa.
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We didn't take pictures before our ceremony. Looking back, I almost wish we had. Jamming in pictures and trying to get to your cocktail hour is very stressful. And our ceremony wound up being 15 min behind schedule b/c our musicians' car broke down...so basically all the stress of "being behind" is plastered all over my face in most of the after-ceremony shots. I don't look relaxed at all. Half of them are unusable.

    I like that my husband saw me for the first time coming down the aisle....BUT....I feel like it would have been just as special for us to have a private moment. TBH, I could barely see him up at the altar with all the flashing in my face and people distracting me from the pews. There's definitely good and bad about both ways, but if you have a tight timeframe between the ceremony and reception, you will thank yourself later if you get some pictures done beforehand.
  • MYLOVE315MYLOVE315 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    **Riss91** Oh good grief now I'm second guessing what we're doing For me, we were trying to keep something scared and traditional but I guess you also have to plan for things that may fall thu.  Hmmm

    Is it the norm these days everyone has seen their future hubby before hand?
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: TAKE PICS BEFORE THE CEREMONEY???:
    [QUOTE]**Riss91** Oh good grief now I'm second guessing what we're doing For me, we were trying to keep something scared and traditional but I guess you also have to plan for things that may fall thu.  Hmmm Is it the norm these days everyone has seen their future hubby before hand?
    Posted by MYLOVE315[/QUOTE]

    Don't stress! It doesn't matter what the norm is anymore - just think about what is most important to you. If you feel you'll be stressed because the timing is rushed, and  doing a private moment beforehand isn't a big deal to you, then I'd go for it. If you aren't worried about having enough time and/or you can't imagine seeing him before the ceremony...then wait till after.

    It's easy for me to look back and say "oh, I'd do them before" because I've already gone through it and did it the "traditional" way. It's much harder when you haven't gone through it. Didn't mean to upset you!
  • edited December 2011
    We did our photos before and I am so happy that we did. I have anxiety over certain things and seeing  him before I made that walk helped ease my nerves. Plus one of my favorite pics of us is me walking towards my now hubby. His back was to me so he couldn't see me. I was so emotional & he has the biggest smile on his face. And it was private (besides the photographer, of course!) I included 2 of those pics :)


    [IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/1z5rm04.jpg[/IMG]




    [img]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/turkeybaster-1.jpg[/img]








    From the dirt to the moon!



    PAIF and SAIF welcome
  • kristinanddankristinanddan member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: TAKE PICS BEFORE THE CEREMONEY???:
    [QUOTE]I'm in the same position.  I don't want to waiver on how I feel. i want the first time for my FI to see me is when I'm walking down the aisle. I'm not a fan of "staging" the moment.  That said...my deal w/ my photographer is that we won't have a receiving line after the ceremony. I posted my question on the board to see what others have done.  I'm told because it's not a church wedding it's not protocol what we "have" to have a receiving line and we can talk to our guests during the cocktail hour. I told my photographer he's got a 1/2 hr to get in as many pics of the 2 of us w/ our fam for posed pics..  After that I said he can take action shots or real shots of us working the cocktail hour.  Do I feel pressed for time? Sure. My photographer feels he can make it happen.  To me I want good quality shots but I don't want to be standing there for hours taking pics....but that's just me.  After having 3 sister's getting married before me and the amount of time we spent on pictures alone just blew my mind and the fact to this day they barely look at their albums proves me right.  I'll get what I need to get. He will have a shot list.  And if during the course of the day there's a photo I want to take he said for me to just grab him. But he said he will be no more then an arms length away from me.  That's my 2 cents for what it's worth. It's hard for us to stand our ground and do what we want but IMO it's anticlimatic if he sees me before and vice versa.
    Posted by MYLOVE315[/QUOTE]
    I have to completely disagree with this. I totally get that some people don't want to see each other before the ceremony and that's fine, but taking pictures beforehand has nothing to do with trying to stage a moment. Taking your pictures beforehand allows you to create a very real and personal moment. It was just me, walking towards my future husband, both of us full of anticipation and excitement, and our photographer was able to capture it all. The photos of those moments are some of my favorite of the day:
    image image image
  • MYLOVE315MYLOVE315 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    RISS91 ... You so didn't upset me...just gave me something to think about.  I posed the pros and cons to my FI and we're going to think about it.  His initial reaction was that he would prefer to keep it as is and as stated to the photographer he's got 30min to get awesome shots of me and my FI and our family pics.  When we have our meeting w/ the photograhper again we'll go thru it and see what is best.

    Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.  I know I have to stop worrying about "what is the norm?" and have to go by "what is the norm for us?" I neverrr knew how much wedding planning really included! I figured oh it'll be a piece of cake.  Good God there's so much to think about and so many fricken details!  Boy my eyes are wide open now! Yeeeeesh.
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  • Riss91Riss91 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    MYLOVE - good luck! Only you know you, so just go with whatever you feel comfortable with.

    I asked my husband what he thought and he said in our situation, with the benefit of hindsight, he would have done pictures before. Because the musicians were behind, he was running around like a mad man leading up to the ceremony and was very stressed about everything and worried that I'd be upset about it. He felt like the stress of that was lingering when the processionals were starting, which made it harder for him to really be "in the moment" when seeing me for the first time. But, he also said that if we didn't have the snafu with the musicians, it wouldn't have been that bad.

    kristinanddan- I agree and just to piggyback - how is seeing your husband from the aisle any LESS staged? In either scenario, there is a pre-determined set-up. Both have the ability to be equally sentimental.
  • edited December 2011
    I am doing ours before the ceremony. First, FI didn't want to, but when we realized there is no time and we would miss a lot during our cocktail and reception , it makes sense. Plus I figure I am paying this photog and I want my moneys worth.
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  • edited December 2011
    We are doing ours after our ceremony. But we also blocked out a solid hour inbetween for us to be able to do so. And that is basically for entire wedding party pics and family. We are doing our seperate groomsmen and bridal party pics pior to the ceremony. Also, we did not do engagement photos, so our photgrapher is taking us out for a whole day post wedding in my gown and all to do pictures just of me and FI!

    I agree with all - do what works for you, and there is only so much we can control and just let it flow! Wink
  • ssagessage member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: TAKE PICS BEFORE THE CEREMONEY???:
    [QUOTE]MYLOVE - good luck! Only you know you , so just go with whatever you feel comfortable with.Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

    THIS!!!!! Every wedding is different and people choose certain things for certain reasons.  Honestly, I am so tired of coming on this board and having people tell other people what should be done, what etiquette is, etc.  it is YOUR wedding!  If you want to preserve a certain moment, whatever that moment is....whether it is down the aisle for the first time, before the ceremony when you first see each other, etc.  If you want to handwrite your envelopes, hire a calligrapher, print out labels, print them on your printer, stamp them, hand deliver them, who cares.  IF you want to run around naked b/w the ceremony and reception, it is YOUR wedding.
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  • kinobeanokinobeano member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    A lot of people are just curious.  Afterall, aren't these boards for inquiring brides to be?  A lot of people are totally clueless when it comes to certain things and may feel that they have to follow the "Rules". 
    I plan on taking our pictures before the ceremony b/c we don't have any space in between and the last thing I want is to lose precious party time :) 
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  • carolsdaycarolsday member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    WOW ,,  Thank you everyone for your responses .  It gave me A LOT to think about .  My mind isn't made up yet but will have to be soon .

    Thanks again everyone !
  • MYLOVE315MYLOVE315 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    THIS!!!!! Every wedding is different and people choose certain things for certain reasons.  Honestly, I am so tired of coming on this board and having people tell other people what should be done, what etiquette is, etc.  it is YOUR wedding!  If you want to preserve a certain moment, whatever that moment is....whether it is down the aisle for the first time, before the ceremony when you first see each other, etc.  If you want to handwrite your envelopes, hire a calligrapher, print out labels, print them on your printer, stamp them, hand deliver them, who cares.  IF you want to run around naked b/w the ceremony and reception, it is YOUR wedding.

    *SSAGE*
    Steph - OMG I am laughing so hard!  Tears rolling down my face! You go girl!  I was just saying the very same thing to my friend that I was up to my eyeballs with ettiquette. When I was writing out  my inner envelopes ettiquette says you should address Mr. & Mrs So & So ... I think I only did it on a few only because it was on my FI's side and he didn't know the other person's name...and I purposely did it on my sister in law's envelope.  Addressed to Mr & & Mrs. she's got ettiquette so shoved up her a$$ it's not even funny. This is a girl who was aghast when she asked my sister for a salad fork and my sister just handed her a fork! She couldn't belive my sister didn't have salad forks so you get the pic! I knew if I didn't address it "properly"  I knew she would say something! I just didn't want to hear her mouth.

    We shall see what I'm going to do in terms of our pics?  It's my FI who is insistent on attending the cocktail hour so I told him he needs to think aobut it. The 2 of us don't work well when we're pressed for time. Every time we're running late to an appt inevitablly we get into a fight by the time we get there....so whatta ya think will happen that day?!?! That's all I'm trying to avoid.
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  • MidgetteMidgette member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: TAKE PICS BEFORE THE CEREMONEY???:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: TAKE PICS BEFORE THE CEREMONEY??? : THIS!!!!! Every wedding is different and people choose certain things for certain reasons.  Honestly, I am so tired of coming on this board and having people tell other people what should be done, what etiquette is, etc.  it is YOUR wedding!  If you want to preserve a certain moment, whatever that moment is....whether it is down the aisle for the first time, before the ceremony when you first see each other, etc.  If you want to handwrite your envelopes, hire a calligrapher, print out labels, print them on your printer, stamp them, hand deliver them, who cares.  IF you want to run around naked b/w the ceremony and reception, it is YOUR wedding.
    Posted by ssage[/QUOTE]

    LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOHalf the people at the wedding wont know what certain etiquette is anyway!

    image
  • edited December 2011
    I have a photographer from Digital Weddings. He talked us into doing a "first glance" which is when the groom is standing with his back towards the bride, and she walks up to him, and he turns around and sees her for the first time. At first, we were skeptical about this, and my FMIL is superstitious. BUT... we are going to do these pictures. I must say, for those of you who have included your pictures, they are so beautiful, I wish my wedding was tomorrow so I could do this! I absolutely love the emotion in the pictures. Its a scene you will never be able to re-live again. They are truly gorgeous pictures!!! The photos are there to "capture the moments", and this is one moment I definitely don't want to miss out on! Also, I am starting my pics @ 10 am, and the ceremony is @ 1pm. SO.... I hope all goes well, because I really want to enjoy my cocktail hour with our guests. I am so excited!!!! I can't wait!
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  • edited December 2011
    I have the same exact problem as the OP.  I hope it works out for everyone!
  • probablykateprobablykate member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are thinking about doing what is basically a happy medium.

    FI really likes the idea of NOT seeing each other before the ceremony, but we also don't want to spend the entire cocktail hour or longer taking pictures.

    (I think whether you or not you do the first look is definitely a very person choice - some people like having that moment private while others want it as a communal experience with family and friends.)

    So what we are planning on doing is taking as many pictures as we can separately before the ceremony (i.e. me with my parents, FI with his groomsmen, etc) and then the only pictures left to take after the ceremony will be the bigger group shots and the ones with just me and FI together.  I also don't have a ton of people I want in the pictures (none of my grandparents are alive, we aren't having any extended family pictures) so it should go fairly quickly.

    In my opinion you are paying your professional photographer a lot of money and you should be able to ask them for advice about how to make the picture taking process work for you.  They can suggest different options based on their experience and you can choose what works best based on what is important to you and your FI.
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  • edited December 2011

    We want to wait for the ceremony to see each other.  That being said our ceremony is at 2pm & the cocktail hour doesn't start till 5pm so we will have time inbetween for our photos.  Plus I am emailing everyone that needs to stay after the ceremony for photos so there aren't any questions. Get in, get out & on to the next location is my motto....

    Best of luck!  Just remember that whatever you decide to do will be best for YOU & your future hubby!

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