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To back out or not-Long

Stina51286Stina51286 member
5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
in Moms and Maids
My sister is getting married in Aug 2012. A wk ago there was an altercation between her FI and myself ,him drunk, me not drunk, in which I told him I did not want to discuss whatever he was trying to yell at me for. He ended up getting so mad and storming away leaving my sister behind which in return got her upset, crying, and basically saying she wasn't happy, she resents one of her kids bc if she never had him she wouldn't be with him but basically getting married for the wrong reasons....

Well a week later (this past fri) I get a nice long letter from my father,who I have not talked to in 4 months, basically saying all this stuff that never happened, that I will be divorced from FI bc he doesn't want kids,well either do I, and that I forced our engagement even though he had my ring picked out and paid for before anyone even knew but didn't propose until 8 months after the fact and in this time my sister got engaged. My dad goes on to say all these nasty things based on what my sister and her FI told him, not asking me if any of this is true. Bc of them and the crap they pulled my dad has "removed me from being his daughter".

Based on my sisters words of not being happy and the BS she pulled lying to my father, do I wait to see if she "kicks" me out of her wedding or remove myself, or not do anything? I have been telling my mom I really do not want to be her MOH anymore based on her bridezilla ways the last few months and now this. I know this is going to cause some issues with my sister and myself, but the things she lied to my father about have really pushed me over the edge. I cant trust her, I try to help and give her ideas for her wedding and she turns around acting like all I care about is my wedding, and an example of this is when my mom and I went out shopping she didn't know I was looking for things for her and her bridal shower just for ideas and she flipped on me yelling at me thinking I was shopping for mine. And her FI is a huge a$$, puts her down, treats her like crap, and is basically going to get her into some legal trouble with some of the things he does. 

Help!
 

 

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Re: To back out or not-Long

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    divadancer11divadancer11 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow...I am very sorry to hear all of this and that your sister has put you in a very crappy situation. I know she is your sister but you need to do what you feel is right. If it were me...I would remove myself only because of the lying to your father and the drama that has caused.

    I hope things get better!!!
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    zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_back-out-not-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:60a9962e-3726-4d77-b6fa-12a5f828b4d9Post:a20a6c29-0f0b-4ed9-a4da-ccda0c3f9b9d">To back out or not-Long</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister is getting married in Aug 2012. A wk ago there was an altercation between her FI and myself ,him drunk, me not drunk, in which I told him I did not want to discuss whatever he was trying to yell at me for. He ended up getting so mad and storming away leaving my sister behind which in return got her upset, crying, and basically saying she wasn't happy, she resents one of her kids bc if she never had him she wouldn't be with him but basically getting married for the wrong reasons.... Well a week later (this past fri) I get a nice long letter from my father,who I have not talked to in 4 months, basically saying all this stuff that never happened, that I will be divorced from FI bc he doesn't want kids,well either do I, and that I forced our engagement even though he had my ring picked out and paid for before anyone even knew but didn't propose until 8 months after the fact and in this time my sister got engaged. My dad goes on to say all these nasty things based on what my sister and her FI told him, not asking me if any of this is true. Bc of them and the crap they pulled my dad has "removed me from being his daughter". Based on my sisters words of not being happy and the BS she pulled lying to my father, do I wait to see if she "kicks" me out of her wedding or remove myself, or not do anything? I have been telling my mom I really do not want to be her MOH anymore based on her bridezilla ways the last few months and now this. I know this is going to cause some issues with my sister and myself, but the things she lied to my father about have really pushed me over the edge. I cant trust her, I try to help and give her ideas for her wedding and she turns around acting like all I care about is my wedding, and an example of this is when my mom and I went out shopping she didn't know I was looking for things for her and her bridal shower just for ideas and she flipped on me yelling at me thinking I was shopping for mine. And her FI is a huge a$$, puts her down, treats her like crap, and is basically going to get her into some legal trouble with some of the things he does.  Help!  
    Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

    Why on earth would you want to spend time with these people? I feel sorry for your nephew though -- his mother resents him because of the poor choices <u>she</u> made? Poor kid. Nobody deserves that.
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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I would remove myself for a couple of reasons -

    1) The WP is supposed to be standing up with the couple in SUPPORT of their marriage, you obviously do not support their marriage or relationship so you really shouldn't be in the WP. (I'm not saying you should support them though)

    2) Telling lies that result in your father "removing you as his daughter" is completely unacceptable.


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    ElinetrouwtElinetrouwt member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry you're going through this, and agree with all PP.

    One thing though: you said your father (what an ***! for 'removing' you) never checked with you whether the lies were true, but did you check with your sister if she really told him that? Could he be making stuff up? 
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    ditto Eline. Never believe information you receive third hand. What kind of father disinherits one of his children based solely on the complaints of another. He sounds like a piece of work. Actually, I'd be willing to bet that your father and your sister's Fi have similar personalities.

    You should drop out of the wedding based on what your sister told you and the way her Fi treated you. Let her know you care about her so you can't support a marriage that she, herself, isn't happy about.  And please look out for that child that she resents. He is at risk of child abuse.

    Good luck.
                       
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    Stina51286Stina51286 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    MairePoppy you have hit it right on the head. Those two are exactly alike. It does not help  my father and him are 12 yrs diff in age and then my sister and her FI are 12 yrs in age. father is 48, he is 36, sister is 24. And I say Father as just because you are a parent to someone if your not there  when they need you then yes you can be a father but a Dad is there for you.

    Everything in this letter had to come from my sister and/or her FI since I have not talked to my father since June and this altercation came and they turned the story around to me being the bad guy.
     
    All my friends are saying back out of the wedding and I really want to, I just don't like upsetting people but obviously they/he/she has taken it too far.

    And with regards to her son thing, I cant see her doing anything to hurt her kids (she has two, both from different dads, her first child she knows helped turn her life around even though she was 18 when she got pregnant and not with that dad anymore), but he does have delays and whatnot, but he's a happy baby. Im more worried about my sister as she has told me she has depression and is prescribed medication but does not take it.

     

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I would no longer associate myself with these individuals.  I am sorry you are going through this because backing away from family is a very hard thing to do, but you need to do what is best for you and your new life/family.  Do you really want these individuals around you in the future?  You need to be happy and it sounds like you have tried many times with your father and sister but to no avail.  I know you don't like upsetting people but it doesn't seem to stop them from upsetting you and that isn't fair.  Back out now!

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    That's what I figured. She's marrying a man like her father. That's very sad. It's good that her doctor knows about the depression. Hopefully, he will refer her to a therapist.
    I think your sister is going to find something to upset her whether you remain as her MOH or drop out. So do what's best for you.
                       
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    Stina51286Stina51286 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I have decided to drop out for sure. Her attitude towards anything I say or do is rediculous and it has nothing to do with her. She's got this BIG bridezilla head for some reason and this isn't the sister I knew 3 yrs ago (prior to meeting her FI). They aren't rich but act like it, they live off the government but brag every time they one up you on a TV, computer, camera, etc.

    I know I am glad that I have not asked anyone to be in my wedding yet and this is a great example of why you should not ask until about 6 months before. If I would have asked her, even if things turn around, I do not think Id be happy at this point.

     

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