Help with my leading ladies

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I am the bride, yes I know the bride is always the one who get the crazy feedback because we do tend to be a little crazy after all we do everything alone. So that is my problem, I have been doing everything alone (besides my fiance he helps too) so I should say WE have been doing everything alone.

I don't know if I'm the crazy one here but, I can't get my bridesmaids to respond to even an e-mail, my mother or his mother have not ever tried to pitch in and help. I sent out a pretty authorative e-mail to all the BM and not even a response, 3 of them are my sisters 2 are his sisters and one is my oldest friend of 18 years. My wedding is 11 months away, am I being crazy when I get upset that no one but me is thinking about my wedding? I just need advice because I am about to go straight out bridezilla on them. I am a very rational person and super laid back.

Sarah

gailpete · July 2012

When you say "authoritative email", what do you mean? You are still 11 months away, so you don't have to order dresses yet, so I don't know what else they are supposed to be doing. It is said often around here, because it is true, no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are.

Try emailing your BMs about non wedding stuff and maybe get together for coffee or a drink to catch up on their lives.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-with-my-leading-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0098f772-84ec-48b5-8363-e16f5ae51886Post:9000e5df-9896-417a-94bb-ebd51df72605">Help with my leading ladies</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the bride, yes I know the bride is always the one who get the crazy feedback because we do tend to be a little crazy after all we do everything alone. So that is my problem, I have been doing everything alone (besides my fiance he helps too) so I should say WE have been doing everything alone. I don't know if I'm the crazy one here but, I can't get my bridesmaids to respond to even an e-mail, my mother or his mother have not ever tried to pitch in and help. I sent out a pretty authorative e-mail to all the BM and not even a response, 3 of them are my sisters 2 are his sisters and one is my oldest friend of 18 years. My wedding is 11 months away, am I being crazy when I get upset that no one but me is thinking about my wedding? I just need advice because I am about to go straight out bridezilla on them. I am a very rational person and super laid back. Sarah
Posted by sdb1358[/QUOTE]

You are not getting married for another eleven months. There is not a single thing that your BMs have to do. If you and your FI cannot plan your wedding and reception on your own, then you need to find room in the budget for a professional wedding planner. Your WP are not unpaid help.

MairePoppy · July 2012

Sarah - those are not the words of a rational, laid back person.

If you and your fi are not able to execute your wedding plans, then you should either hire someone to help or simplify things so that the two of you can manage them.Your bms are not your assistant wedding planners. Since your first authoritative email did not yield the results you wanted, do not send another. If your bms and moms want to help with anything, they will let you know.

Good luck with your planning.

kmmssg · July 2012

What exactly was in this "authoritative email?" If you consider it authoritative, I'm wondering if they considered it offensive? Ditto the others. What exactly are you expecting these people to do? This is for your and FI to plan. If others wish to assist you they will volunteer, they are not obligated by any stretch of the imagination.

So, what did you say in this email?

Kate61487 · July 2012

ditto PPs.

I think my only wedding related communications to my bridal party were an initial request to get their ideas on dresses (any cuts or colors to avoid entirely), the official 'this is the dress' after they'd all tried on the options and given me feedback, and an email that told them when the rehearsal was. and the FIRST of those didn't happen until about 10 months out.

Go back and re-read that email (or type it out for us) - an apology may be in order. Then take a step back and realize they all have their own lives, families, jobs, etc.

pink34562000 · July 2012

My FI and I are planning the wedding ourselves. We are having a great time in the planning process. At times, yes it can be stressful, but we never demanded anyone (including the bridal party) to assist us in wedding planning.

As for my bridesmaids, their only responsibilities were to pick out their dresses and get it altered. (The alterations were optional). That's it. My BMs were probably more than happy to help with other projects. However, we either handled projects on our own or hired someone to take care of things.

Our feelings about the wedding party is they are very dear to us, and we didn't want to demand anything unnecessary. One of the groomsman is a photographer and a great one! We never asked him to take pictures of our wedding instead we hired a vendor to do that. He even told us that he was relived that we didn't ask him. Our response was that we want him and the rest of our bridal party to have a great time at our wedding and not to work during it.

Your BMs may be upset if you sent them an "authoritative email" especially if they didn't respond back. I would apologize immediately to them.

All of us make mistakes, especially when we are stressed. Going forward, just be careful of how you communicate to them especially written communications.

walgrrl · July 2012

Yeah, I truly can't even think of what I would want my bridesmaids to do, other than get their dresses and show up to the wedding. My sister (MOH) keeps asking me for stuff to do, "How can I help with the wedding?" and I keep telling her, thanks so much, but I have it under control.

Right now I'm at the point where all I'm doing is researching and interviewing vendors and I look at that as the sole responsibility of my fiance and me. It's not something I would want to outsource. My sister did come dress shopping with me though, and it was very nice to have her there!

What specifically do you need their help with?

Viczaesar · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-with-my-leading-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0098f772-84ec-48b5-8363-e16f5ae51886Post:9000e5df-9896-417a-94bb-ebd51df72605">Help with my leading ladies</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the bride, yes I know the bride is always the one who get the crazy feedback because we do tend to be a little crazy after all we do everything alone. So that is my problem, I have been doing everything alone (besides my fiance he helps too) so I should say WE have been doing everything alone. I don't know if I'm the crazy one here but, I can't get my bridesmaids to respond to even an e-mail, my mother or his mother have not ever tried to pitch in and help. I sent out a pretty authorative e-mail to all the BM and not even a response, 3 of them are my sisters 2 are his sisters and one is my oldest friend of 18 years. My wedding is 11 months away, am I being crazy when I get upset that no one but me is thinking about my wedding? I just need advice because I am about to go straight out bridezilla on them. I am a very rational person and super laid back. Sarah
Posted by sdb1358[/QUOTE]
Yes, you're the crazy one here.

jnjmommy0609 · July 2012

Yes you are being crazy to expect everyone else to be excited for your day and to be thinking about it. That is not their prioriety. It's yours. Yes it is up to you to do everything. Reality is the only thing your wedding party has to do is show up to the wedding.

And no...do not go bridezilla on their a$$ that is mean and uncalled for and sometimes will burn bridges with people who won't put up with it. Bottom line is it's your and you fiances wedding. Therefore the responsibility falls on you two and no one else.

I am sure it is sucky to hear all this. But you gotta deal and move on. Stress can bring out the worse in people so just breathe and do the best you can to be the laid-back you.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Wow you are very rude!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_help-with-my-leading-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0098f772-84ec-48b5-8363-e16f5ae51886Post:c3771456-1cfa-42de-8b4d-f8bdb49b4134">Re: Help with my leading ladies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Help with my leading ladies : Yes, you're the crazy one here.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Thank you for no help at all, you were all very rude, excuse me for even saying anything at all!

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Hey ladies,

Maybe when responding to other remember to use the manners your mothers taught you or do not respond at all, I can't belive how unbeliveable rude some of you are, especially to a bride who is obviously nervous about things so thanks for no help at all.

Bride to Be

Help with my leading ladies

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