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Honoring a deceased loved one

Jillian1104Jillian1104
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Good afternoon all. I'm hoping that someone can give me some ideas to help me out with this. 

My grandmother, with whom I was very very close, passed away about 3 weeks ago now. It wasn't sudden, she was very sick, but it doesnt make her passing any easier. Until the end, she was very aware of everything going on, and every single time I'd see her or talk to her, she'd ask about the wedding. 

I'm having a pretty hard time coping, but have been trying to dive into wedding planning, as sort of an outlet (it needs to be done anyway, I suppose).

Anyway, the part I am hung up on is that I am trying to find a way to honor her at my wedding ceremony. It was my fiance's idea, as he knows how much I wish that she would have been able to be in attendance. 

Does anyone have any ideas?  Important to note also, that she is not the first grandparent to pass on either side, so I want to do something special, while not making it seem like the other passings didnt mean as much (they of course did! it's just that I was extraordinarily close to my grandma).

Thanks!
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Re: Honoring a deceased loved one

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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. I am extremely close to one set of grandparents, so I can understand how hard it is when one of them dies.

    As far as honoring her/other deceased grandparents or relatives, I would probaby have an "In memory" section perhaps on the back of the programs where you could mention/talk about them.

    Perhaps to do something special to honor your grandmother without making it obvious you're not doing it for the other grandparents too, could you carry something of hers in your bouquet? Do you have any jewelry she gave you to wear? If she had a favorite song, you could play it during the ceremony or reception. You also might light a candle for her and the other deceased grandparents/relatives.


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    jdcoker1jdcoker1
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    So sorry for your loss.  I've been to weddings where a seat was left vacant.  In my January wedding I'm planning on leaving a seat on each side with a flower laid across to honor all those not with us on both bride and groom side.  I don't think I could keep it together to lay the rose myself when almost at the alter.

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    Soon2BeMrsTingSoon2BeMrsTing
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. 

    We did two things to honor the memory of my cousin, who would have been a BM for sure: I put her photo in a locket charm which I attached to my bouqet, and we also set one extra BM bouquet in a vase tied with teal ribbon at the entrance to the church.  A note in the program read "The flowers displayed at the front of the church are placed there in loving memory of the bride's cousin, MCG."  My family members knew that the teal ribbon symbolizes ovarian cancer.

    My cousin's immediate family knew about the bouquet well before the wedding, and so they were not taken by surprise, but rather were pleased by the gesture.  I think that if you make any public show of your remembrance, the family should be consulted first.  Otherwise, you run the risk of slamming someone with a reminder of grief on what is expected to be a happy occasion.
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    lostmykeyslostmykeys member
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    We had a framed 8 x 10 photo of my daughter's deceased grandmother sitting off to the side by the altar flowers up front.  It wasn't obtrusive at all, but all could see her.  I've been to another wedding where they had  separate tables off to the side with photos on them and when the mothers of the bride and groom came up the aisle, they lit candles on the tables by the photos.

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    kennazebrowskykennazebrowsky
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    We had one of those Digital picture frames that played a slide how of loved ones that had passed. We placed it by the guest book so people could see it. It was very special and we had a lot of compliments on it.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited July 2012
    I'm very sorry for your loss. I was very close to my own grandmother. She passed away over 25 years ago and I still miss her. She was my best friend.

    My daughter,who is now the bride-to-be, was my grandmother's first great grandchild and her Godchild. My grandmother loaned me her cameo ring for my wedding and gave it to me when my daughter was born. I will be passing that ring to my daughter for her wedding day. It can be her something old.

    Since your grandmother passed so recently, I would make the memorial a private moment  between you and your grandmother, such as, carrying a a locket with her photo, using her favorite flowers in your bouquet or other floral arrangements, making a donation to her favorite charity. I think the empty seat memorial might be too 'in your face' for her other family members, particularly if they do not expect it.

    Sharing your wedding plans with your grandmother was a lovely gift the two of you gave to each other. It must have brought her some joy. As your plans come to pass, remember that your grandmother is still a part of your special day. Best wishes.
                       
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    iloveu4everiloveu4ever member
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    That is what I am doing for my daughter Joclyn. I am gonna have a bouquet of pink flowers.

     
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    joe&cassiejoe&cassie
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    I think what we plan to do is have a memorial table on the way in to the ceremony and then also set aside in the reception space.  My grandma from the one set of grandparents who was constantly there because the others were across the country passed away about a year and a half ago.  I plan to pin one of her butterfly broaches to my bouquet.  There will be a yellow rose on the table for her with a picture.  The same will be done for a grandfather (probably a different flower) and then also one for FI's grandmother who passed about 6 months after mine.  The hardest part for me is that it was completely unexpected (she was happy and healthy a week prior) and that there was no service.  They did a memorial luncheon and my grandfather is now remarried and told me that he probably wouldn't be there.  Whatever you do I think it will be wonderful.
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    princesscastillo325princesscastillo325 member
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    I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are being sent out to you and your loved ones...

    My friend who just got married had someone who passed away recently...and what she did was she had a picture of the family member with two candles next to it  showing during the ceremony.

    For your grandmother, have you thought of having a small pocket picture of her in your wedding bouquet? Whatever you decide, I know it'll be wonderful.
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    smilesavysmilesavy member
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    I am sorry for your loss.  We are listing all our deceased relatives in the program and then we will have 8x10 pictures of us with those said grandparents as people get their escort cards with a candle lit and a sign that says In Memory of.  
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    iloveu4everiloveu4ever member
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    I like the idea of the picture. But instead I might put a picture of my daughter without her tubes.

     
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    MJheartsWeddingsMJheartsWeddings
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    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandmother.  All my grandparents are deceased, as well as my fiance's grandfather.  We plan on having all of our grandparents wedding pictures on display and I plan on wearing something from each of my grandmother's.. My paternal grandmother's pearls as something borrowed and a hankerchief my  maternal grandmother gave me when I was born as my something old.
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    mimi624mimi624
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I am also tying to find the best way to honor family that has passed. Last year my cousin committed suicide the day after my birthday, 6 months later my stepdad died of Lymphoma and the following day my aunt died of liver failure. I want to honor all of them but I don't  know what to do without it becoming too overwhelming. I thought about adding the lockets with their photos to my flowers but I wanted to do something more.
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    WildMageletWildMagelet member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.  FI & I have both lost a grandparent we were especially close to so I purchased 2 small lockets to put their photos in.  One will be attached to his bout and one to my bouquet.

    Public memorials are hard because you never know how people are going to react to them.

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_honoring-a-deceased-loved-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:f409d4b5-2b43-4b15-8854-17f7011d59e1Post:ec3f6b07-5047-4fa8-aee3-cd4e1a5f04c8">Re: Honoring a deceased loved one</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like the idea of the picture. But instead I might put a picture of my daughter without her tubes.
    Posted by iloveu4ever[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter, Jocelyn. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child.
                       
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    iloveu4everiloveu4ever member
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    It is harder talking about her. Every time I do I cry.

     
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