Just Engaged and Proposals

Ring reaction questions

I am in love with my ring. It suits me perfectly, my fiance loves it, he didn't have to go into debt to buy it, and it's like the dream ring I never knew I was dreaming of. It's not a diamond however, it's a higher end CZ ring. My fiance is morally opposed to the diamond industry and I'm not crazy about it either, and he was able to get much more of a ring at a better price. Plus it's got all the sparkle and fire to mesmerize me for hours. :P

My very close friends and family know that it's CZ, but general acquaintances and coworkers don't. It's not like I'm trying to keep it a secret, but it's not like I'm gonna start a conversation off with it either, it just seems irrelevant to me. My boss just got back from working out of town this week so it's the first time she's seen my ring. I showed her, she ooh-ed and ahh-ed, then she asked if it was a diamond. I said nope, it's CZ, and she raised her eyebrows and said "oh ok...well to each their own I guess" and the conversation was over.

Well, today I heard from a coworker that my boss has been making comments about my ring to other people and she's said things like "he should have waited to propose until he could afford a real ring", "she should probably start lynig to people about the ring so they don't think she's white trash and shops at Kmart" as well as a few other things. This isn't the first time she's been unprofessional and gossipy about her employees and I plan on going to HR about this and some other stuff.

What I'm really wondering is what's the best way to handle this? If someone assumes it's a diamond, should I correct them? If I'm asked flat out, what should I say (I've had a few other negative reactions so I'm apprehensive about saying CZ now)? If someone has a negative reaction, is there anything I can/should say that won't just sound like I'm trying to justify it? Or is this just completely ridiculous and I'm totally overthinking it? :P

Re: Ring reaction questions

  • julib33julib33 member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    Honestly, tell them you didn't need a diamond. Tell them you and your fiance are both opposed to the diamond industry based on your values. That's a totally acceptable answer and if someone chooses not to accept it, so be it.
    I get comments all the time that my FI should have gotten me a bigger diamond. I told him specifically I did NOT want anything more than 3/4 of a carrot because I think it's a little gaudy on me (I have skinny fingers). People assume I'm making it up when I say that but it's true. I don't care what people say or think; I know my ring is perfect for me and you should feel the same way :)
    And when it comes down to it; it's not about the ring, it's about marrying who you love. So tell people that and they'll probably quiet down :)
  • Ditto to PP, just tell them the truth.

    My ring is a very light blue aquamarine and really only looks blue when the lighting is really bright. It's gigantic so sometimes I feel the need to explain that we aren't rich, but most of the time I just let it go unless someone asks. It's really nobody elses business, if you love the ring then its perfect.
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  • I think you should just keep being honest, though I don't think if someone doesn't ask that you have to tell that its a CZ.  You're happy, your FI is happy its your boss and anyone else's problem if they can't deal with it.
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  • What irks me about this whole situation is that there are people out there that ask these kinds of questions in the first place. As if it's any of their business. People suck. With that said, if someone does ask, you can tell them exactly what you posted here - that you and your FI didn't care for the diamond idea and decided to go with something else.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-reaction-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:58354836-b763-4a8a-b639-809faf569c30Post:dd0aa5fa-b477-432d-a2c2-3acedf35fecd">Re: Ring reaction questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]What irks me about this whole situation is that there are people out there that ask these kinds of questions in the first place. As if it's any of their business. People suck. With that said, if someone does ask, you can tell them exactly what you posted here - that you and your FI didn't care for the diamond idea and decided to go with something else.
    Posted by melmac86[/QUOTE]

    This.

    I find it odd that people ask about this stuff, its pretty personal. What's next "how much did that cost?"

    Whatever you do, do not do as your boss thinks you should, and lie.

    A friend of mine has a gorgeous ring, its huge and elaborate. I always noticed that the diamond was a little cloudy but she was in love with it, and thats what mattered! When I got engaged, we got into a conversation about rings (mine is much smaller) and she made a comment about how hers was also platinum (which is far more valuable than white gold). In anycase, she went on about her ring and how her H wanted to make sure he got her the best, etc etc.

    I recently found out that her ring is CZ and sterling silver, NOT a giant diamond on platinum. I could honestly care less, but the fact that she LIED to me, REALLY bothers me. I didn't ever ask her if her stone was a diamond, how big it was or how much it cost, she volunteered all of this information to me (not the price though).

    MOST people can tell if a stone is real or not...I always thought maybe hers was not, but I never said anything, and when she talked about getting it at "Diamond Importers" I didn't question, I just figured it was lower quality..which is TOTALLY FINE! The lie bugs me, and I'm pretty hurt by it.

    I give you props for your honesty. Don't let petty judgy people turn you into a liar.
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  • Definitely go to HR.  How unprofessional of her.  

    And WHO asks if the ring is real!?!  Acceptable post engagement questions: How did he do it? Were you surprised? When's the wedding? If anyone does ask, be honest.  You're in love with your ring and your FI. What else matters?  

    I always thought I'd want a bigger ring with a bunch of tiny stones, but I couldn't be happier with my ring. I no longer care about what anyone else got.  This is mine and it suits me perfectly. If I'm happy, everyone else should be too!
  • Wow, how incredibly rude and inconsiderate. Who asks if a ring is real or not: of course it's real. A CZ is real. It's not a fake diamond. It's CZ. Your boss is a biatch.

    I am not a big fan of diamonds either. I had a diamond and it got stolen so I am looking at replacing it with a CZ. As long as the ring is beautiful and shiny (LOL) I am happy.

    Show off your ring, be proud. And if anyone asks if it is real, say yes. because it is. If they ask if it's diamond, tell them the truth and no need to explain yourself. It's none of their business.  Better yet, ask them what they think? If they ask if it's real you ask them if they think it's real... if they say yes then leave it at that. Or just tell them you think that is a personal question and hate discussing those specifics.
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  • I am so sorry your boss is saying those things!!  That is SO rude!!  I agree with PPs that you should be honest about your ring, and as long as you are happy with it that's fine!  The whole point is that you and your FI  are happy with it!  When we originally went looking for rings (I got to pick mine out) I never even glanced at the huge rings, because they don't fit my finger well at all!  I think a ring should match the person, and if you have issues with the diamond industry then high five to you for using CZ!! 
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  • I would just tell them the truth. I think it's rude of people to even ask if it's a real diamond and then assume when it's not that your FI "should have waited until he could afford a real diamond" not everyone even likes diamonds. I am sorry your boss is incredibly rude and unprofessional!
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-reaction-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:58354836-b763-4a8a-b639-809faf569c30Post:dd0aa5fa-b477-432d-a2c2-3acedf35fecd">Re: Ring reaction questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]What irks me about this whole situation is that there are people out there that ask these kinds of questions in the first place. As if it's any of their business. People suck. With that said, if someone does ask, you can tell them exactly what you posted here - that you and your FI didn't care for the diamond idea and decided to go with something else.
    Posted by melmac86[/QUOTE]
    Exactly. That's MEGA RUDE. I would never ask someone that. <div>
    </div><div>I do have a diamond and it's a good size (.75). I did have 1 person ask me if it was real. I jokingly said, 'actually, it's made out of rubber!' They got the point. </div><div>
    </div><div>This holds for anything wedding related. We're going to Cape Cod for our honeymoon & quite a few people have said 'oh, why? why don't you go to Hawaii or DR?' Depending on the person, I either change the subject, ask why it matters, or say 'oh, no one goes there anymore, it's too crowded'...</div>
  • People are so rude sometimes. Seriously. I get reactions to my ring all the time as well - I have a fairly large white sapphire. I didn't want a diamond and made that clear to FI from the get go. I avoid the "oh, well that's ok then" comments by saying "I love it, it's vintage and I have never wanted a diamond." If you feel the need you can throw in a "well, FI and I don't care for the diamond industry so we chose a better alternative for our beliefs."
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  • Just be honest.  As long as it makes you happy then what other people say shouldn't matter.  I personally love when people have stones that aren't diamonds since it's different.  It's not my style but I still think it's beautiful.  People are always going to find something to be rude about, whether it's your ring or what you wore that day.  Just tell them you don't like diamonds.  
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  • My other favorite is when people try to give a backhanded compliment. So instead of just saying, 'oh wow, it's small.' They say, 'aww, it's so dainty/cute/delicate.' I know what they're trying to say, but I don't indulge them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-reaction-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:58354836-b763-4a8a-b639-809faf569c30Post:6ddda288-afbb-48e8-aa7f-a431ae44b193">Re: Ring reaction questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]People are so rude sometimes. Seriously. I get reactions to my ring all the time as well - I have a fairly large white sapphire. I didn't want a diamond and made that clear to FI from the get go. I avoid the "oh, well that's ok then" comments by saying "I love it, it's vintage and I have never wanted a diamond." If you feel the need you can throw in a "well, FI and I don't care for the diamond industry so we chose a better alternative for our beliefs."
    Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

    This.  I also have a sapphire (though a blue one) and I occasionally get questions from judgy people who think it's not a "real" engagement ring if it isn't a diamond.  It's exactly what I wanted and I'm not a fan of the diamond industry either, so I pretty much just tack that information on to my answers to any questions about the ring now, just to head off whatever unintentionally rude stuff people are going to say.  :)
  • I would confront your boss directly and let her know that her derogatory comments about your ring need to stop.  It's really none of her business, but you can inform her that you have moral objections to diamonds if you want so that she understands how offensive her comments about budget are, but again, she doesn't need an explanation if you don't want to give her one.

    I'd also let HR know that you've confronted her on this issue and you'd like it on record just in case it continues.

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  • My favorite response when someone asks a question that's none of their fuucking business is "Why do you ask?".  Try it ;)
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  • Totally agree with PP, she was being beyond inappropriate in both asking and gossiping  about it afterwards. What matters is that you love it and you love your FI and you're happy. I actually told my FI that I didn't need a ring (my mother actually never had an engagement ring until after she was married because she didn't like how the guys are judged by it...my mom is badass Wink ) He wound up giving me a family heirloom ring his grandfather gave his grandmother back in the 1950s. It's gorgeous and probably worth a lot so I get the typical oohs and ahhs but I would have been happy with nothing. You've done what's right for you guys and that's all that matters. Good for you for staying professional and going to HR!
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  • Not cool and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  My FI and I are not fancy and we live on a very tight budget (we just bought a home and I stay at home with our children).  My ring is large.  Like 1.8 large and I figure people wonder how we afforded it or if it's real.  No one has asked (although I did get one kind sideways question regarding it).  It's a family ring, we didn't purchase it but we do plan to re-mount it in a setting more 'me'.  We'll do that when we get around to it lol.  Anyway, like PP stated just tell the truth.  You both didn't WANT a diamond- simple as that.  I would've picked a sapphire in our budget if we didn't have the family rock :)

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  • I wouldn't pursue anything with HR.  If there are issues about your job, that's one thing.  If you bring up her comments about your ring, then you can be perceived as that chick complaining someone hurt her feelings about her CZ engagement ring. 
    Nobody's opinion about the ring matters except you and your FI.  If it's people you are close to, you can have a conversation with them about it.  "I don't like the exploitation in the diamond industry, I can't stomach spending that much on something that sits on my hand, once it's dirty I can't tell the difference anyways, etc."  If it's others, I would shut those conversations down.  you're not going to change their minds.
    Why is it CZ?
    "It's CZ because that's what we wanted"
    Couldn't you afford a diamond?
    "This is what we wanted."
    I think that's trashy.
    "Okay"

  • I get weird looks about my ring all the time because it is custom made from diamond and sapphire family stones. The heirloom stones mean more to me than anythin store bought, so non-traditional, yes, but I love it. OP, it seems you feel the same way and I'm so glad the bridal industry hasn't sucked everyone into thinking anything less an a carat diamond isn't a 'real' engagement ring. (yes, someone actually said that to me)

  • Your boss sounds really tacky and rude. 

    If someone asks you if it's "real," you should be all like, "Why do you ask?" and say it in a way that makes it sound like you're just baffled that anyone would even think to ask something like that.

    It'll (hopefully) make them realize that they asked a rude question. Then you can talk about how much you love your ring, and if you want to go into your perfectly reasonable reasons for not having a diamond, you can, but you don't need to make excuses. Your fiance got you the ring you wanted. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-reaction-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:58354836-b763-4a8a-b639-809faf569c30Post:6acdbfe7-6f90-4583-9e78-e1b04d934dba">Re: Ring reaction questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't pursue anything with HR.  If there are issues about your job, that's one thing.  If you bring up her comments about your ring, then you can be perceived as that chick complaining someone hurt her feelings about her CZ engagement ring.  Nobody's opinion about the ring matters except you and your FI.  If it's people you are close to, you can have a conversation with them about it.  "I don't like the exploitation in the diamond industry, I can't stomach spending that much on something that sits on my hand, once it's dirty I can't tell the difference anyways, etc."  If it's others, I would shut those conversations down.  you're not going to change their minds. Why is it CZ? "It's CZ because that's what we wanted" Couldn't you afford a diamond? "This is what we wanted." I think that's trashy. "Okay"
    Posted by j-harvey[/QUOTE]

    Oh trust me, this isn't the only (or even main) thing I talked to HR about. I actually went with a group of coworkers because our old boss quit suddenly in January and this woman was transferred in from another office and she's been so bitter about it and constantly makes unprofessional comments (about my ring, a coworker's weight, inappropraite racial/sexual remarks, constant gossiping and name calling behind people's backs, deliberately throwing away lunches of people she didn't think were working hard enough ,  and plenty more). She ended up getting fired though.

    I like this suggestion a lot though, that's usually about how the conversations go, and it's happened enough times to be obvious that a detailed explanation is usually a waste of breath. This shuts it down nicely though, thanks. :)
  • dewingedpixiedewingedpixie member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited April 2012
    I think your coworker is tremendously rude. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Unfortunatly these are the type of people who dont care at all about the ethics of the diamond trade either.

    I'm sure I'm going to get questions when my proposal comes in the next few weeks. We selected a very unusual sapphire that is purple in incandescent light and green in natural light. I didnt want a diamond center stone either for ethical reasons.

    I commend you on your choice, CZ is beautiful. I own several pairs of studs made with them. Do not worry about the petty in life, certainly do mention it to HR though. Know this woman has obviously been taught the wrong values in life. There is no shame in your choice, be proud of your love, engagement and the choice you've made together.

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  • One more thing its not the stone that makes the ring real, its the love behind it.
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