Stop inviting yourselves!... or others!

klw0022 · March 2012

Just a short vent: Why is it that some family members want to say things like "can we invite ___ family member??" how about my dad said "hey can we invite your great aunt Bessie who you haven't met before, but she gave you that one savings bond, remember?" or random co-workers saying "Looking forward to that invite in the mail!" when it's someone you didn't even think to invite?

I've never invited myself to anyone's wedding or asked to add anyone because of the cost, etc. plus, to me, it's just ettiquette...

this happening to anyone else?

court115 · March 2012

It happened to me with one person. I was friends with her but we've sort of lost touch over the past couple of months so I took her off of our list. She sent me an email that said something along the lines of "hey I saw on FB that your invites went out. Hope to get mine soon!".

mancila60 · March 2012

I also have a girl I know. Never was close to and personally never liked. She makes comments all the time about how she can't wait for the wedding and how great it will be etc. I just ignore it because she is not invited even if we had the extra room I would not invite her!

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

I truly believe that these people are about 95% sure that they are not getting an invite to your wedding, but are hoping that by hinting around that they think they are invited that you'll feel bad and invite them. Annoying either way!

Shari 86 · March 2012

It started happening to me last week. I got an e-mail rsvpfrom our wedding web-site from someone who was not invited! The invites aren't even out/ I just changed my web-site for the wedding here.

I don't know how they got their hands on my web-site info and if we didn't send you an invite to our DW why would we invite you to this one?? Seriously some people have nerve!

mandydc0509 · March 2012

Its been happening to me since I announced my engagement. I just told them the truth - due to the budget, we cannot invite everyone. They seemed to understand.

amandad18 · March 2012

Yes!!! One of my best friends from high school has essentially invited her mother and sister. I wouldn't mind having either of them at the wedding, but I feel like my friend manipulated me into inviting them- Friend's daughter's 3rd birthday happens to be the same day as the wedding. So first it was "Oh, well my mom always spends her b'day with her" and then later on it was "Oh, my sister is traveling with us" and both times she's followed it with "I'm not asking you to invite them!", but it clearly felt like that's exactly what she wanted me to do.

Then I also had a friend from college say she's not sure if her husband can come with her, so she asked if her mom could come instead. I've never met her mom, but I'd really like my friend to come so I said yes.

I'm hoping this doesn't keep cropping up

deanabuonincontri · March 2012

you can only avoid people for so long...just be direct and let them know that you are keeping it small, limited to close friends and family, budget restrictions etc....they are the ones that should feel awkward....not you!

spalko · March 2012

This has happened to me three times so far and each time gets more and more awkward!

The first time was while I was at work (at my weekend job) so I was stuck behind the customer service desk and had no place to run to. I was approached by a girl and her husband that I have known since 2009. We started vet tech school together but she decided to not finish since she was pregnant and was due right around the time of our state & national board exams. Anyways, she asked all excitedly if I wanted her address so I could invite her to our wedding. I was so taken back that I just said yes, even though I had no intentions of ever inviting her. I haven't seen her since and I pray that I don't because I have a feeling an awkward conversation would follow.

The second time happened a few weeks ago when one of my BMs asked if her cousin could come to the wedding since she will be doing her hair for the wedding. How does that even make sense?! I didn't ask your cousin to do your hair! I arranged to have a girl come to the hotel to do everyone's hair and you decided not to go that route. I shouldn't have to invite YOUR cousin just because she's doing YOUR hair!

The third time happened at my grandpa's funeral of all places. My dads cousin, who I don't even know in the slightest, approached me and said how excited she is for the wedding in May. Ummmm.... say what?! I didn't even know who I was talking to when she said that so I just laughed awkwardly (like I usually do in these situations) and said that I'm also really excited for the day. I mean, come on, I was at my grandpa's funeral and really emotional so it definitely caught me off guard!!

Tobeasimons · March 2012

I have this problem with almost everyone! We are having a family only ceremony and reception. We would live to have our friends there, but we decided we would rather have a really nice reception for fewer, then cheap for more. FI is insisting that we have an "after party" (noon wedding) in which it will not be made a second reception by any means. No dress up, no presents. I checked my wedding website which has over 400 hits! I know I only sent out 50 std's... We have one couple that's super persistent, and are making it clear they demand an invite via the grapevine. I passed "how tacky" right back through the vine. Not a word since!

mandi921vh · March 2012

People can be so rude! I would never assume I was invited to a co-workers wedding, or mention anything of an invite unless I know 110% that I am invited.

We have received many RSVPs but so far everyone is behaving...

FMIL knows she is done adding randoms.

Lyra1020 · March 2012

Yes! I work on a magazine with 11 other people. One of them is getting married in late July. She's inviting 330 ... we're inviting 150. (My parents are divorced, so I our families make up about 3/4 of that number.)

I've decided to invite only those who I see outside of work, so four (out of 11). She's invinting the whole staff. A number of them (who aren't invited to my wedding) have already said they can't wait for both weddings, and to "compare" them (food, etc)!!! So, I think I'll have to deal with a few annoyed co-workers.

careydes · March 2012

I have had a few situations. Early on was one of my co-workers. She was on the 'maybe' list for a while, but then she started making comments about how excited she was. Since I work very very closely with her, I decided to just invite her. Although she isn't getting a date, and I really hope she doesn't think she is. I will put my foot down about that one.

Next was a friend of mine who lives many many states away. She and her husband have 3 kids. She was going to come with our mutual friend who now can not come due to recovering from surgery, so my friend asked if she can bring someone else, if her husband can't come. Because it's such a long trip for her, I said okay... I would rather have her plus one of her friends that I barely know come, than have her miss out! I was a bm in her wedding... we're really close, and it means the world to me that she'll be there.

Then, the other day, another friend asked if she can bring another friend of ours if her bf can't come. This was a good one, though, because the un-invited friend was someone I have recently become better friends with, but when guest lists were made, we weren't all that close yet. So I was very happy to think that she might be able to come anyway

I feel like the last two were pretty unique situations, and so I made exceptions that I probably wouldn't have if things were different.

heightdeprived · March 2012

I've had a couple of these instances!

First was at my dad's funeral in December. His aunt started asking about the wedding and then I got, well i'm looking forward to my invite! I wasn't really planning on inviting her... but I have now, and invited her to the bridal shower...

The second is my Uncle's ex wife.... my aunt. Her and my uncle divorced like 12 years ago. Go back a few more years, I saw her at my grandma's funeral when I was 6, then didn't see her again till my cousin got married when I was 21. That's 15 years. Anyway, after my cousins wedding she added me to Facebook, and has proceeded to make nasty comments about my uncle to me. (she's incredibly bitter about their divorce). She came with my cousins to my dad's funeral in December, and invited herself, or said she'd keep the day open or something like that. Then on facebook a little while after that I got a comment about when she sees me in May. Invites went out in February... hers wasn't in there. Sticking to my guns on that one!

vineyard12 · March 2012

Yes! I've had two instances so far. A girl I have been friends with, for probably 20 years or so, called me up in January and started to ask me questions about the wedding...when, where, etc. I see her once a year when she goes up to her family house on the lake in NH. I never thought to invite her because we had decided to not invite any friends (except my bestie and his friend in Taiwan) and keep it family. Well, I had to tell her (after she mentioned getting an invite), that we had decided to keep it family only. She was pretty diappointed. I almost wanted to cave, but I didn't.

The second instance was a week after my friend had asked. I was on FB and one of my friends asked if he was getting an invite. I politely told him no, we were keeping it small and inviting family only, He is from a culture (Mormon) where they invite everyone (I had been invited to his wedding, but the recpetion only since I am not a Mormon, and I didn't go because it was in Utah). I felt bad, and he asked me where I was registered, but I wouldn't tell him. I didn't want to be gift grabby or anythng, or feel like he had to send me something.

But it does make you wonder where people get the nerve to ask for an invitation to a wedding! Shesh!

bpphoto785 · March 2012

We're having issues with plus ones. I've had three people asking to bring dates. One is legit, she started dating someone right around the time our invites went out, so we didn't add his name. Not a big deal. Now another friend and FBIL both want to invite girls they're not even dating!

I also feel SUPER awkward when my boss (who's invited) brings up the wedding infront of coworkers who aren't invited. I've been trying not to discuss the wedding at work since not everyone's invited but she's making it impossible!

Melissa51212 · March 2012

I hide from people who arent invited who think they might be...im also so worried about people adding guests. We really have to be strict with the no guest rules on so many people. I really hate being the bad guy but my buget is busting as is.

Bett2012 · March 2012

Its annoying... this week, one of FI's family friends asked when the invitations were coming in the mail. We're sending them out this week, but she's not invited. FI didn't know what do do.. he just said, oh we're sending them soon, and changed the subject :P he was like "what do I say to that?! she'll just find out in a week when she doesn't get one, I guess"... ugh.

ACKHillaryP · March 2012

YES YES YES and YES!
my parents wanting to add people... people writing "2 attending" when only ONE was invited.. people asking for invites.. people assuming they are invited... etc etc etc etc... people question why other people werent invited.........it is al so crazy and SO rude to me... i would NEVER do any of that, so I just dont get it. ahhhhh!
i feel your pain.

kimberlykh · March 2012

Ugh. Cousin wrote her child in (no kids invited), 2 friends invited with their husbands wrote in their cousins as their "dates' (ended up talking to them about this and now they aren't bringing them),

bpphoto785 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_stop-inviting-yourselves-or-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:b1f4a479-dab5-4271-919e-89044e727107Post:21462667-3397-40d0-a4b6-caa384ae2092">Re: Stop inviting yourselves!... or others!</a>:
[QUOTE]Its annoying... this week, <strong>one of FI's family friends asked when the invitations were coming in the mail.</strong> We're sending them out this week, but she's not invited. FI didn't know what do do.. he just said, oh we're sending them soon, and changed the subject :P he was like "what do I say to that?! she'll just find out in a week when she doesn't get one, I guess"... ugh.
Posted by Bett2012[/QUOTE]

<div>This happened to us over the summer at FMIL's birthday party! One of her friends came up to us telling us how excited she was for the wedding! I had no clue who she was! FMIL never gave us her name... she's not invited! </div>

MrsLiggett7 · March 2012

Why does everyone assume they are invited to your wedding? I had no idea that "friends" I have never officially hung out with start coming out of the woodwork when a wedding is in the air.

So far I've only had one person ask to bring a guest when a guest wasn't invited, SO FAR. Lol, I ended up giving in when a few declines came in. (She has a good excuse, her GF is in the Air Force and will be on leave from Germany at the time of our wedding. If the GF can't come then FI cousin doesn't want to come. I understand not wanting to miss a second of military leave with your SO)

HOWEVER, work is a WHOLE other story. I HATE my boss, for several reasons, and I'm not very close with my other supervisor. (I work at a small business 12 employees total). I only invited 3 people frome work, the 3 I actually see outside of work. It wasn't a jab at anyone I was just way over on my guest limit so I nixed some. My boss and supervisor have no idea they aren't invited yet and I'm dreading when they find out the invite isn't coming.

Soon2BSand · March 2012

Our invites went out yesterday and I'm dreading this. Dreaaaaaading it.

dori851 · March 2012

We haven't had anyone try to invite others or themselves... yet! I hope I didn't just jinx myself!

FutureMrsW9 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_stop-inviting-yourselves-or-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:b1f4a479-dab5-4271-919e-89044e727107Post:0d06f01a-6559-4916-93cd-33d684c6da8f">Re: Stop inviting yourselves!... or others!</a>:
[QUOTE]I truly believe that these people are about 95% sure that they are not getting an invite to your wedding, but are hoping that by hinting around that they think they are invited that you'll feel bad and invite them. Annoying either way!
Posted by AurorasEnvy[/QUOTE]

Totally agree w/this!

arisia · March 2012

Invites go out this weekend.. dreading the tack-ons. So far we've been honest with people who asked ("We're sorry, but our budget limits us to mostly family.") and no one has been pushy.. yet.

We're putting a "There are # seat(s) reserved in your honor." on the RSVP postcard so hopefully that helps!

Stop inviting yourselves!... or others!

Re: Stop inviting yourselves!... or others!

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