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Inviting "plus guests"

ewennerewenner
100 Comments
in Illinois-Chicago
Hello!  We are getting ready to assemble and mail out our invites (hooray!) and I'm still undecided about allowing some people to bring a guest.  For example, one of my brothers has been dating a girl for about 6 months, and apparently she wants to come to the wedding.  The thing is, I've never met her (brother lives in NJ), so I'm not sure if I'm supposed to invite her.  I also have a cousin and several friends with similar situations - people who they've been dating but who I've never met.  I feel like if I allow one person to bring a guest, I would have to allow everyone to do it, and that would add a ton of cost to the reception. 

So who do I need to invite with a guest, and who can I invite by themselves?  I am really stressing out about this, so I appreciate any feedback.  Thanks so much!
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Re: Inviting "plus guests"

  • MINDMNMOMINDMNMO
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I think first and foremost you need to look at what your budget is and what is the capacity of the venue.  When you started planning, you had to have an idea of how many you wanted to invite.  Did that include plus ones?  It could be hard to not invite a guest for some and invite them for others.   Maybe it's just me but I would be worried that if I don't invite a guest, the invitee would feel I'm "punishing" them for being single.  In the end, it's your decision and you definitely should invite only who you want that will also keep you within your budget.

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  • alexilysealexilyse
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are not doing plus ones.  The only people who will get dates will get invites addressed to both of them.  Usually it is if they are in an established relationship and if i've met them.  If anyone else asks, we will say yes or no on a case by case basis.
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  • Annie_WarbucksAnnie_Warbucks member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You're not going to let your brother bring a date? That seems kind of harsh. Is it worth upsetting your brother about? If you have space, I would let that plus one slide. As for the others, jsut becasue you haven't met them, doesnt mean their relationship is not serious. I would err on the side of caution when excluding significant others you know about.
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  • heizer10910heizer10910
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i'm with annie but at the end of the day it is up to you - i would definitely allow your brother to bring a plus one, but maybe not like 3rd cousins or something.  good luck though - i'm struggling with this too
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  • mandybear7mandybear7
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think your brother should be able to bring his girlfriend, especially since he is traveling from OOT.


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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think that if your brother is in a committed relationship, regardless of whether or not you've met her, he should be invited to bring her.  Actually, I would say that goes for all guests.  When you live across the country from family and friends you don't always have the opportunity to introduce your SO to everyone in your life.  That fact that you haven't met her doesn't mean that they aren't serious about their relationship.  I have friends with boyfriends and FI's that I haven't met simply because we don't have the time and money to travel across the country or world more than once every few years to see each other.  I don't consider my friend's engagement any less valid (or her FI any less deserving of an invite) simply because I haven't met him in person.

    I don't think it is worth hurting your brother over this.
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  • coreysmommacoreysmomma
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We gave everyone a guest, which I really didn't want to do...   I would allow guests for family and any serious couples, other than that, no guests.  That is how I would have done it, but my FI really wanted everyone to have the choice.  The good news is many of our single friends are coming alone.  They didn't try to take advantage, but some people do.


    Danielle
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  • ewennerewenner
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies for all of your insight.  I will definitely allow my brother to bring his girlfriend, and anyone else who I know is in a committed relationship.  I think we will have to draw the line with our single friends though for budget reasons, but most of them at least know each other, so hopefully they will be comfortable. 

    Thanks again!  You guys are always very helpful, and I really appreciate it!
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