FMIL drama

Re: FMIL drama

• beardownbchs member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:36747ef3-c244-4527-96af-404e6a917d33Post:e80e3398-5328-4a06-b5c4-f21506a749eb">FMIL drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]Where to begin... My FMIL is something else to put it lightly. I have been dating my fiance for nearly 5 years, and his mom has never been a fan to me- though she is icky sweet to my face. She is very inapropriate, and makes everyone I know uncomfortable. We have been engaged for only a few weeks, and she has already started: - I need to get my dress at a consignment shop, because it is a waste of money to spend a lot of money on my dress. - Pick flowers from the venue's flower bed the day of wedding to save money on bouquets. (No, I am not making this up) -My colors need to be burnt orange, and olive green (NO, I don't want those colors!) - We should honeymoon to places x,y, and z because that's where SHE would want to go. She just recently emailed me saying her friend is throwing me a bridal shower. This friend of hers is just as obnoxious as she is, and has told me before that she didn't like me. Her daughter is my Fiance's EX- girlfriend. How do I delcine the offer? Although, it wasn't much of an offer, she TOLD me. She doesn't have any manners, doesn't wear a bra, will get offended if I even tell her what color I want the mom's to wear on the wedding day. My fiance won't invite his half- brother to the wedding, because my FMIL has a bad relationship with him, and throw a fit if she sees him at the wedding.  All of this is so overwhelming. I am dreading dealing with her at the bridal shower, and the wedding. I need advice on what to do about her. She is not giving a penny towards the wedding. I don't want to be on eggshells worrying what inapropriate comment she will say to someone at my wedding, and at my bridal shower.  Am I being over-dramatic? She is so much to handle, I don't know what to do!
  Posted by sarahsandlin94[/QUOTE]
  
  
  Are you being over-dramatic? A little bit.
  
  You have no say in what the moms wear and it would be inappropriate for you to tell her what color to wear.
  
  You can definitely decline the shower. Tell FMIL that you're not comfortable with someone you don't know well spending the time or money to throw you a shower.
  
  The half-brother is your FI's decision. Let him decide that on his own.
  
  Whenever she has a suggestion give her a "Thanks! FI and I will think about it. Have you tried this bean dip?" and change the subject. Lather, rinse and repeat. (I have to cite Retread and other posters for these gems - thanks ladies! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />)
  
  Try not to discuss wedding planning with her. If she asks, give her a little bit of info and move along. If she disagrees with what you're doing, tell her, "I'm sorry but this is what FI and I have decided". ALWAYS include your FI in these discussions so she has no reason to think that you're making "bad" decisions and that her son doesn't agree with them.
  
  And if she says anything or makes a scene at a shower or the wedding or anywhere, it only makes her look bad. Not you. If she makes a scene, smile and walk away. The worse she makes herself look and the better you take it, the more people will think, "Holy crap Groom's mom is a freaking monster and look at how sweet and gracious bride is!!"
  
  Good luck!! My FMIL hates me too and seems to be very similar to yours - very backhanded. Just try to keep your distance.

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• AddieCake member

  

  March 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:36747ef3-c244-4527-96af-404e6a917d33Post:e80e3398-5328-4a06-b5c4-f21506a749eb">FMIL drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]Where to begin... My FMIL is something else to put it lightly. I have been dating my fiance for nearly 5 years, and his mom has never been a fan to me- though she is icky sweet to my face. She is very inapropriate, and makes everyone I know uncomfortable. We have been engaged for only a few weeks, and she has already started: - I need to get my dress at a consignment shop, because it is a waste of money to spend a lot of money on my dress. - Pick flowers from the venue's flower bed the day of wedding to save money on bouquets. (No, I am not making this up) -My colors need to be burnt orange, and olive green (NO, I don't want those colors!) - We should honeymoon to places x,y, and z because that's where SHE would want to go. She just recently emailed me saying her friend is throwing me a bridal shower. This friend of hers is just as obnoxious as she is, and has told me before that she didn't like me. Her daughter is my Fiance's EX- girlfriend. How do I delcine the offer? Although, it wasn't much of an offer, she TOLD me. She doesn't have any manners, doesn't wear a bra, will get offended if I even tell her what color I want the mom's to wear on the wedding day. My fiance won't invite his half- brother to the wedding, because my FMIL has a bad relationship with him, and throw a fit if she sees him at the wedding.  All of this is so overwhelming. I am dreading dealing with her at the bridal shower, and the wedding. I need advice on what to do about her. She is not giving a penny towards the wedding. I don't want to be on eggshells worrying what inapropriate comment she will say to someone at my wedding, and at my bridal shower.  Am I being over-dramatic? She is so much to handle, I don't know what to do!
  Posted by sarahsandlin94[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Since she is not contributing to the wedding, she gets very little, if any, say in how it goes off. When she brings up wedding stuff and tries to force her ideas on you, say, "Thanks!  We've got that covered" and change the subject. Repeat as necessary. </div><div>
  </div><div>If you don't want her friend to throw you the shower, just politely say, "No, thank you."  If she demands to know why, I would tell her you are not comfortable having a shower thrown for you by someone you barely know and who isn't invited to your wedding. </div><div>
  </div><div>You don't get to tell anyone other than your bridesmaids what to wear on the wedding day, so that's a non issue. Whether or not she wears a bra is also pretty irrelevant. If she needs one and it is obvious she doesn't wear one and looks terrible, that's on her. </div><div>
  </div><div>If your fiance WANTS his half brother there, he should invite him and tell his mother to put on her big girl panties for a few hours. </div><div>
  
  </div>

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• SlothGoals member

  

  March 2013

  Everything beardown said. She beat me to it

   

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• jnjmommy0609 member

  

  March 2013

  How often...if at all...have you done things her way just to please her/shut her up? How often does your fiance stand up to her?

  
  

  If you have given her any say in your decisions then this is kind of your doing. This goes for your fiance. You can't control her actions but you can control her stepping all over you.

  
  

  Does your fiance want his half brother there? If so then he should be there! If the half brother is uncomfortable being there because of the mother then he can be the one to turn down the invitation.

  
  

  
  

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