How to retrain my beloved slob.

ceh789 · March 2012

I was just walking past the hamper and noticed that FI had, once again, dropped his boxers and socks on the floor in front of the hamper. Wtf. Why is it so freaking hard for him to put them IN the hamper instead of on the floor in front of it? It doesn't even have a lid.

I know that one approach is for me to just get used to him thinking the floor is the hamper but does anyone have suggestions on how to retrain an adult on something like this?

baystateapple · March 2012

I'd say mention it to him if you already haven't, and then pick your battles.

When H and I moved in together, I was disgusted with the dropping of laundry on the floor and the empty soda cans he would leave everywhere. He still drops his clothes everywhere, but he has learned to put the soda cans in the recycling. The soda cans irritated me more, I can live with the clothes on the floor. Also, I tell him if they don't end up in the hamper, I don't wash them, so he DOES end up eventually putting them in the hamper. Maybe not immediately, but they do get there.

lbarr088 · March 2012

I used to get mad at FI for things like that (missing the trash occasionally, missing the hamper DAILY, not helping put dried dishes away when he gets home... oh the list could be infinite). The fact of the matter is I've come to realize fighting over dishes or laundry is just not worth it to me. He helps when he remembers, etc. and just because I can be overly anal about things doesn't mean he should be as well. Plus, I'm sure I have enough annoying tendencies for the both of us

Maybe retrain him by giving him a treat and saying "Good Boy" everytime he hits the hamper? I'm kidding. Talk to him about it. At the end of the day when I walk by the hamper it takes 1.2 seconds to put in what he missed so it's not worth it, but as I said talk to him about it.

crnflkgirl75 · March 2012

I'd go passive aggressive. Move the hamper away from the wall to where he dropped them. Eventually, he'll get the hint or you'll be so tired of tripping over the hamper that clothes on the floor will seem a better solution. (I'm half kidding-- Fi did this to me, and I still haven't learned!)

crnflkgirl75 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:f8cd13e7-5003-480d-87bf-e4d8b705b3f5">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to retrain my beloved slob. : Geesh. That doesn't solve anything. What is wrong with just talking to your SO to try to resolve differences?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

I said I was half kidding! And that that route didn't work on me when Fi did it. Of course passive aggression doesn't work!

ceh789 · March 2012

Oh, I have talked to him about it - bringing it up again would just be nagging. I'm pretty much resigned to just living with it and trying not to let my head explode every time I see it... was just hoping anyone had better ideas

lbarr088 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:2b9f38a9-e948-4b65-9317-7205ca4bc8f5">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, I have talked to him about it - bringing it up again would just be nagging. I'm pretty much resigned to just living with it <strong>and trying not to let my head explode every time I see it</strong>... was just hoping anyone had better ideas :)
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I mean, he could do things that are a LOT worse. </div>

NicoleSahara · March 2012

H does this too. Sometimes there's a mess of clean and dirty clothes on the floor (this bugs me the most) and since I can't tell which is which I'll just fold them all and put them away. Once he gets a dirty shirt from his dresser and asks what happened and I explain that there was no way for me to know what was clean and what was dirty that at least solves it for a little while. Talking didn't change anything.

AdeleDazeem · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:f8cd13e7-5003-480d-87bf-e4d8b705b3f5">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to retrain my beloved slob. : Geesh. That doesn't solve anything. What is wrong with just talking to your SO to try to resolve differences?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Really? I've told my husband until I'm blue in the face that putting dishes on top of the dishwasher isn't where they belong.

I finally just stopped putting his dishes in the dishwasher for him. When there was no more room to put the glasses on the counter, he got it.

Talking works sometimes. Actions work other times.

Megbo2012 · March 2012

Yeah, sometimes a simple talk or two (nice reminder) helps, sometimes it doesn't. Duds, I drop clothes everywhere and squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste. hahaha

sparent2010 · March 2012

FI and I just talked about it - sometimes he needs to be reminded.

Once I flipped shiit on him b/c he was not helping around the house and I was just yellingat him "Where is your nunchi?!?!?!"

My mom used to yell this at us when we were little -loosley translated it is where is your common sense? Since then he has been better at helping out

ceh789 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:4d768634-f68d-42e5-82ca-8fce1f1b80fb">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]My H uses the closet in the guest room. He just keeps the door shut so I don't see his mess. He does his own laundry so he can keep his room however he wants. So long as he doesn't leave dirty clothes on the floor of our bedroom, we're cool.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
We've been talking about putting a second bathroom in our house. I wonder if he'd be amenable to having them be his and hers bathrooms so he can cover the floor of his in dirty boxers and socks.

polichik · March 2012

DH and I had a lot of similar issues when we moved in together, and it drove me crazy how I'd remind him over and over again to do something, and he'd keep spacing out. The toilet seat and shoes everywhere were the biggest ones. Finally, in true therapist form, I sat him down and told him what it meant to me. I told him that it felt like what I had to say wasn't important to him, and how I felt like his mother when I had to pick up after him. I get stressed out when I'm surrounded by clutter, so I explained to him how I was overwhelmed trying to keep the house clean on my own and how I felt awful about having to nag him. I swear, there hasn't been a toilet seat up or dirty sock on the floor since. I think it helped him to see it as an emotional issue for me rather than a control or nagging thing.

KateJ10 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:dad5f64c-fbfc-428a-856b-5695140e23b2">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to retrain my beloved slob. : Oh yeah, he uses the guest bathroom as well. His morning routine and my morning routine just wouldn't work sharing a bathroom. He likes to sit on his throne while I'm putting on makeup and doing my hair. Doing that in the same room would NOT work for me. At.all.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>We do exactly the same. He uses the guest bath and guest closet. This eliminates getting annoyed over messiness (probably mostly mine) and allows me to continue sleeping in the mornings since he does wake up a bit before me. </div>

ceh789 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:dad5f64c-fbfc-428a-856b-5695140e23b2">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to retrain my beloved slob. : Oh yeah, he uses the guest bathroom as well. His morning routine and my morning routine just wouldn't work sharing a bathroom. He likes to sit on his throne while I'm putting on makeup and doing my hair. Doing that in the same room would NOT work for me. At.all.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
Oh god... I'd die. FI never wants to talk to me so badly as when I'm using the bathroom. I get performance anxiety and have to run water to drown out his voice.

brookerich · March 2012

I had this issue with my ex husband actually. And like a few of the other posters mentioned I talked to him several times and when that didn't work I just stopped washing his stuff. When he would ask if he had any clean underwear I would be like "you should, I washed everything in the hamper" It took a few times of him running out of clean drawers before he learned to put them IN the hamper but this trick did work.

My current issue with my FI is the "junk bowl". It sits there on the kitchen counter driving me batty, he throws every imaginable thing in that bowl, car keys, mail, change, whatever he has in his hands when he walks in the door so the junk bowl overflows and there is crap all over the kitchen counter. I have talked to him a few times about it but so far that hasn't worked. I'm trying to strategize on how to solve this problem, I thought about it this morning actually when I looked over and it looked like the junk bowl exploded all over the counters.

dubird · March 2012

FSpoon and I are both clutterers. Not because we're lazy, but we both tend to get distracted easy and forget about laundry and dishes. I've discovered that if I start a chore and ask him to please help, he's more than happy to do so and the chore doesn't last as long. Unfortunatly, that hasn't stopped him from peeling the wallpaper in the water closet. We're going to eventually remove the wallpaper and paint the WC and bathroom, and since the wallpaper was peeling anyways, he started taking off strips. And just leaving them there. ><

Brookerich: get one of those large tubs that will fit in a closet or garage somewhere. Every time the bowl gets full, dump it in there. If he asks, tell him you were cleaning the counters and didn't know how much of that was trash, so you put it somewhere out of the way where it wouldn't get thrown away. At least that way, you don't have to see it!

Edit: this post reminded me of a post over at a blog I used to read. Thought others would get a kick out of it. NSFW for language, though.
http://www.violentacres.com/archives/88/a-peaceful-marriage-is-not-always-5050/

AMYM312 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:24b70fb1-194d-4a09-832e-4655c54db082">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE] He's let go of the fact that I don't squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

LMAO we have this discussion once a week. I just don't get the big deal but it drives him crazy!

ceh789 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:90a55cb8-6f77-4cb3-83c9-f4b378e4c88c">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]Edit: this post reminded me of a post over at a blog I used to read. Thought others would get a kick out of it. NSFW for language, though. <a href="http://www.violentacres.com/archives/88/a-peaceful-marriage-is-not-always-5050/" rel="nofollow">http://www.violentacres.com/archives/88/a-peaceful-marriage-is-not-always-5050/</a>
Posted by dubird[/QUOTE]
That's a great post - the fishwife is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. And it's not that I expect things to be 50/50 all the time either - I absolutely do the lion's share of the housework and it would never occur to FI that I should change a tire, carry the heavier bag in from the car or pick up the dog piles from the yard. I get that it's not perfectly equal - it's just the dirty clothes thing on the floor <em>next to the hamper</em> that drives me up a wall. I think it's beacuse it would be exactly 0 extra effort to not make the mess as it is to make it - know what I mean?

RailWayWife · March 2012

Haha my FI was getting in a bad habbit of doing this so I just started putting his dirty socks on his pillow. He learned very quickly that he needs to put his dirty clothes in the hamper.

I actually learned this little trick from a girl at work. Her boyfriend was leaving his dirty dishes everywhere so she started putting them on his pillow until he got the point LOL

bellefille42 · March 2012

Whenever there's a habit I would like FI to change, I make a deal about one habit he would like ME to change, and we work together. Example: I hate it when he puts away dishes in the wrong spot, he hates it when I take my socks off and leave them in the living room. SO I work on my socks, he works on the dishes. If you ask him what a small habit is that you have that bothers him, and agree to work on it, not only are you both happpier but you open up new lines of communication. Win-win!

acaponi87 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:20ca9dcd-7836-48a6-b71f-1e96a5c0b2e9">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to retrain my beloved slob. : LMAO we have this discussion once a week. I just don't get the big deal but it drives him crazy!
Posted by AMYM312[/QUOTE]

I still don't squeeze from the bottom (my hands aren't strong enough to make it come up at the top is my argument) but what annoyed FI more was how I would only twist the cap back on half-way. It wouldn't fall off or anything but for whatever reason it bugs him.

I conceded on the top twisting but I'm not squeezing from the bottom.

Amt2109 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-to-retrain-my-beloved-slob?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4a075a55-a899-4752-a772-9083a47e4b5dPost:0d98d845-671a-4139-94ab-973a0ebe7b4e">Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to retrain my beloved slob. : I still don't squeeze from the bottom (my hands aren't strong enough to make it come up at the top is my argument) but what annoyed FI more was how I would only twist the cap back on half-way. It wouldn't fall off or anything but for whatever reason it bugs him. I conceded on the top twisting but I'm not squeezing from the bottom.
Posted by acaponi87[/QUOTE]

H always only ever screws caps on halfway...and then leaves whatever it is out. I've spilt tea/milk on the floor putting it back in the fridge after him. Now I just check all the lids (but he's getting better at picking up after himself).

I do all the housework and I'm completely fine with that right now - I'm a SAHW so I figure thats my 'job' even though I don't feel like I'm contributing much. What I'm not ok with is picking up after him after I've scrubbed everything down. Like a PP said, I'm not his mom.

I don't know. When he forgets, he acts and lives just like he did in his batchelor days. That's great for making me feel like just the bum lodger.

Wiscisbliss · March 2012

This is funny. DH uses the guest bath and closet as well... because I am the messy one

Tahlora · March 2012

I tried the, "honey please put the seat down, it's yucky and the dog might drink out of it if you dont" It didn't work really well, I was really nice about it for awhile, just put it down myself when i saw it up, then would remnd him to do it next time, Still would always forget. So I started to check and call him back to see that he forgot again, have him put it down, say thank you baby give him a kiss and go back to whatever I was doing. I felt like a bitch to be constantly calling him on it but after a while he started to remember, it been months now and he only forgets when he's playing COD with his buddy from a different city, but he's being fast so he doesn't keep the game waiting so I just do it myself

It takes 60 times to create a habit i think.

katdunn85 · March 2012

Honestly we are opposite and my fiancé handles most of the laundry due to having a more flexible work schedule...I have to get to work exactly on time and cannot leave a minute early whereas he can come and go as he pleases for the most part. Anyway...I drive him crazy but our deal is if it isn't in the hamper he doesn't wash it and I'm okay with that. Ultimately in 2 and a half years we have truly only had four arguements and they were for major issues. We go on the premise at if it is not something he relationship is going to possibly end over than we let it go and we are so happy because of it!!

How to retrain my beloved slob.

Re: How to retrain my beloved slob.

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