potluck reception?

graci67 · April 2012

hey all! so ive started to think about what kind of food we want served at our wedding. we havent picked at time yet ( afternoon lunch or evening dinner) but i know we wont be going very expensive. we are having a casual wedding anyway and our family is very casual. anyway, Ive started to hear about a "potluck reception" where certain guests bring dishes and it is served like a buffet. anyone heard of this? anyone think its tacky or would be a hassle? I think it may work in my situation. my fiance and I can supply the main dish, which will probably be like sandwhich fixings ( different breads, cheeses, meats ect ONLY if we have an afternoon wedding. otherwise it will be something like ham, roast something heartier) and my mom makes a killer potato salad that everyone loves. I also have a few different family members that would be willing to bring something, like different salads, rolls, fruit trays, and such.

thoughts?

mkmd1980 · April 2012

I went to a wedding that did this on Martha's Vineyard in a barn and everyone LOVED it! It seemed like everyone loved the idea of helping out. And everyone had their name displayed by each dish so you would know who to ask for a recipe if you liked it. Because everything was homemade it was really fresh and there were tons of options. I think it may have seriously cut down on the amount guests spent on gifts but if youre okay with that i say go for it. I think it would be appropriate to give a decent favors as a thank you for people cooking for you. Just make sure you assign people a category otherwise you might end up with more pasta salad than you could dream of.

bunni727 · April 2012

Potluck receptions are sometimes seen as tacky, as that would imply everyone invited would be required to bring a dish. I think your idea of having close family members help out sounds fine, as long as everyone who is bringing something is a volunteer.

You know your family, and what they would find acceptable. My family would be more offended at not being asked to bring something. My cousin had his wedding catered a year or so ago, and we still have not heard the end of "I don't know why they think they are too good for our cooking, who do they think they are?"

GoodLuckBear14 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_potluck-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:4d863568-6814-4b13-b240-a3bead167a33Post:7084e042-614c-4986-94fe-ed954c397cf2">potluck reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]hey all! so ive started to think about what kind of food we want served at our wedding. we havent picked at time yet ( afternoon lunch or evening dinner) but i know we wont be going very expensive. we are having a casual wedding anyway and our family is very casual. anyway, Ive started to hear about a "potluck reception" where certain guests bring dishes and it is served like a buffet. anyone heard of this? anyone think its tacky or would be a hassle? I think it may work in my situation. my fiance and I can supply the main dish, which will probably be like sandwhich fixings ( different breads, cheeses, meats ect ONLY if we have an afternoon wedding. otherwise it will be something like ham, roast something heartier) and my mom makes a killer potato salad that everyone loves. I also have a few different family members that would be willing to bring something, like different salads, rolls, fruit trays, and such. thoughts?
Posted by graci67[/QUOTE]

No. Just no.

A reception is to thank people for coming to your wedding which means they do not bring their own food and food for other people also.

Leaving aside just how rude this is, think of the logistics. Who is going to set up? Who is going to make sure hot foods stay hot and cold foods stay cold? How are you going to ensure that your guests kept their pot at correct temperatures before it even got to you? Who is going to refill food as it is running out? Who is going to clean up afterwards? Who is going to wash all of the plates, utensils, serving dishes and serving utensils? Who is going to make sure Great Aunt Margie gets back her sterling silver serving spoon?

Your guests are guests which means they do not work your wedding. This means you are either going to have to hire people to do all of this (in which case you may as well spend the money on a caterer) or it is going to be you and your FI doing ALL of this.

Now let's suppose that you and your FI are willing to spend your wedding reception acting as the kitchen and waitstaff? How well insured is your wedding going to be. You will be liable for any food poisoning that results from the food that you are serving and don't think that your guests won't sue you if they have a hospital bill. One knottie has a mom who went to a pot luck reception, got sick and wound up striking her head when she passed out after throwing up. Not only was she hospitalized with food poisoning, she also had a concussion.

Still sound like a good idea to you?

Maggie0829 · April 2012

You should never ask anyone to bring anything to your wedding, close family or not. Now if people offer to help that is different, but you shouldn't go up to your Aunt Sue and ask her to bring a main dish that will serve a large group of people.

I also agree with everything GoodLuckBear said about the logistics and the whole preparing the food in a sanitary way to prevent unwanted food poisoning.

Peavy · April 2012

It is both tacky AND a hassle.

JaxInBlue · April 2012

Potlucks have their place but a wedding reception is NOT the time. The reception is a thank you for the guests for coming, not an opportunity for them to work for you. I agree with GoodLuck about all the logistical concerns. What would any out of town guests do? Travel with food? Be assigned clean up?

You and your FI should plan and host the reception you can afford whether its cake and punch, cocktails and appetizers, or a sit down meal. It sounds like you and your FI are planning on paying for at least some of the reception, so I'd look at your budget and guest list and think about getting some quotes from restaurants, caterers, Costco, etc. It doesn't have to be fancy - just appropriate to your reception time.

redheadtmk · April 2012

I think some of the PPs missed the part about it only being your close family that helps out. That fact may not change their minds but it does answer some of thier concerns. It would not be every guest bringing a dish but a select few helping out.

As far as ettiquette on these boards go, you will find this is frowned upon. However in much of small town America this is the norm. I know our church often hosts weddings with "pie receptions" where congregation members brings pies (or desserts). Homemade food by the host family and other help is also very common. Its more of the family catering the meal than guests bringing a dish.

I hate having anyone help me with anything and I have been very overwhelmed with how many people responded to our engagement with sincere offers of help. The level of formality that these boards favor often feels too cold for me. I love the idea of family togetherness and helping each other out on a special day. Like one PP said, many familys expect to help out and love doing so.

I will say they have a point about making sure the reception venue has suffecient refrigerator space and ovens for heating things up. We are doing our food ourselves with help from family and I know our venue requires a liability policy which covers everythign including food poisoning. (it also requires a million dollar alcohol insurance policy but we are having a dry reception) We also have to have food handlers permits per our states health codes. That is something else to look into.

ChristineNB · April 2012

I personally would never ask my family to help make food for the wedding, with one exception. In my part of the country, it is traditional for family members to pitch in and make cookies and have a large table covered with various types of cookies at the reception. At the last couple weddings I went to that did this they had made so many cookies that the brides had bags or boxes so guests could take cookies home as a favor.

greykat · April 2012

Yes.

We are doing a casual reception in a friend's backyard with pool. It wasn't until the last few years that catering was "required" and potlucks were "tacky." Weddings are a time for family and friends to come together and communities usually pitched in and provided the food. Our communities may be different now, but preparing and sharing food are still important elements. My friends can't wait- they plan on wowing us with dishes of their favorites (or our special requests).

As for logistics- I am putting 2-3 people in charge of sterno, ice and trash. I will be putting a name tag on each dish and hope to collect the recipes from everyone participating.

We will be providing cake, a keg, and several pounds of BBQ'd meats.

becky659 · April 2012

Agreed that the Knot can be overly formal... since we announced our wedding date our friends and family have been asking constantly if there was anything they could do to help (aka bring food, help with setup & cleanup). Not everybody expects to be served like a king/queen at a wedding reception.
People on here talk about a wedding reception like it's a bribe to get guests to come.
I wouldn't be schocked/offended if I was asked to take my garbage to the trash can or pour my own drink.

And FYI, down here in the country, we do potlucks ALL the time for family reunions & church and it works out just fine. Lots of people bring cold dishes or have hot plates, crock pots, or insulated bags. Dish gets cold? Deal with it. Dish is empty? Eat something else.
If you're having a really long ceremony followed by a cocktail hour followed by some other long thing, then obviously a potluck dinner isn't for you. And out of town guests shouldn't feel obligated to bring something, unless they want to do something really simple.

So I'd be more than happy to bring a couple dishes and a desert if asked, and I bet a lot of the OP's family would be too.

eureka30030 · May 2012

+1 on the Knot formality issues! If like you said, its' mostly just close family I see nothing wrong with a potluck- it sounds like fun! I would love to do a potluck for our reception but we moved across the country a few years back and there is no way I would ask out of town guests to bring homecooked dishes with them. One of the gals I work with got married 3-4yrs ago, a small casual event with just her close family. She made a whole weekend/reunion out of it- rented a campground for everyone to stay at, and had a potluck dinner. She loved it and her family loved it- and as far as I'm concerned, thats all that matters. I would def. not feel put out or offended if someone asked me to bring a dish to their reception, personally I would be honored (apparently I can do somethin right!)- I think it could be especially menaingful if you could try and think of your favorite dishes from old family get togethers and ask people to make them again!

I would just limit your hot items and designate a friend or cousin to check in on them.

ps- becky659- Your post is right on- I get so discouraged by these boards sometimes, with their cold formality & etiquitte strictness... It's your wedding (& your family's day)-- so just do you!

librababy · May 2012

I think the potluck is a great idea. So many family members want to help out when it comes to big events and that is their way of being a bigger part of your wedding than just as a guest. Potlucks I have hosted and been to, people just brought the dish... they still got to hang out and enjoy their time as a guest.. no one has to serve, it is all self serve. And many warm dishes can be kept warm with the right containers.

So many parties I have hosted, the guests just started pitching in without any word from me: they helped with cleanup, prep (if I was still in the kitchen, decor, etc). Even if when they asked me if I needed help and I said no, they still found something to help we with. People want to feel like they can help out, so that won't be an issue.

beatriceandrashid · June 2012

How far does out of towners have to be for me to not feel bad to accept their offer of bringing food to our wedding. Let me explain: The wedding will be in Westminster, Md and most of my family in the states are either in Connecticut (5 hours away) and Long Island, Ny (4:45 hours away). I mean they will offer me their help, they could bring the dishes at my FH house before the ceremony and all. But I feel like they will probably rent a hotel room that night so I don't know if i would feel comfortable asking them for more. But we are talking close family. My mom and dad's brother and sister. So we are pretty close. The reason why I,m saying that is cause my family is haitian and I want to bring haitian food to the party, my FH family are all african-american. Members of his congregation are americans so we would have a mixture of different food. I love that idea. But my mom who is already starting to stress me, says oh noo you can't ask the family to travel 5 hours PLUS ask them to cook for your wedding. We could find a haitian caterer in the area that could deliver the food to the venue. I mean it's a great idea, but FH lives kind of far of the haitian community in MD...So I'm torn...Do I just ask them to bring alcool?

I mean I really want our parents and closest family member to provide the main dishes and the beverages, and other members from our congregation and friends to provide side dishes. But now I need someone to help me for a menu. As I'm planning my wedding from Canada, it is something else let me tell u...Congrats to all future brides!

potluck reception?

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