Are children charged the same at weddings??

edellis · July 2010

My fiance and I are planning a 2012 wedding, which my parents are generously paying for, but my parents are a little upset that my fiance wants to invite all of his relatives' children. I am not sure how many to be exact, but they are concerned about paying $30+ per head, especially if these children are young. I am just throwing out a number, but I'm thinking there would be at least 20 children on his side.

I am caught in the middle here b/c I understand why my fiance would want his younger relatives, but he is also not paying for it. I think it is also rude to write ''no children'' on invitations.

We are going to start looking at venues soon; however, I was wondering if anyone knows if they charge less for children under a certain age or what not. So far, I haven't seen anything like that listed on the venues' webpages, so that is discouraging.

I was really happy about all of this wedding planning until now. I am seriously ready to make this a very small wedding (50 or less) or elope.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

Yes, children are part of the headcount since they'll be eating... They may or may not be charged a discount rate. But let's put this in perspective:

Your FI has about 20 kids in his family. At $30 each, you're talking about $600. You have TWO YEARS to find the money. If your parents don't want to pay, pay for it yourself.

Are you seriously going to put $600 ahead of your FI's family and his hopes for the wedding?

edellis · July 2010

$600 is a lot of money. I mean, my FI was suggesting we have our guests pay for their drinks rather than have an open bar, but that IMO is cheap.

Anyway, he feels it is rude not to invite children. There, of course, are ways to tastefully say ''no children,'' but we havent come to that point. Most of his relatives are out of town, so maybe a lot of children wouldn;t come anyway (extra plane fares and what not).

I was just hoping there would be some discount for the little ones since they barely eat a meal anyway. It's just a lot of money to fork over.

luckyme502 · July 2010

Kids at our wedding are half price, up to 8 years old.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

An adults only reception is not rude, but writing "no children" on the invitation is rude. Addressing the invitation only to the parents indicates that only the parents are invited.

In addition to addressing the invitation correctly, some go further on the RSVP and add a line with the number of seats reserved for the family. Another option, which we used, is to personalize the RSVPs with names so that each individual can select attending or not attending (and we did have several RSVPs where one half of a couple attended).

Before booking a venue, you should look into catering if catering is not done by the venue. Ask the caterer what their rate for children would be, their vendor rate, and whether 18-21 year olds are excluded from the bar package if one is included. It may all be one flat rate, or there may be discounts.

For our caterer, children under 4 were free, children 4-10 were half price, and guests 11-20 and vendors were full price.

Cash bar is rude, but beer and wine only or a dry wedding are not. Bar costs are substantially cheaper if your venue will allow you to bring your own alcohol. If you have a bartender and the alcohol will be behind a bar, it can be as inexpensive as a keg and Black Box wine.

We specifically looked at places where we could provide the alcohol, and our caterer's open bar setup fee for mixers and garnishes was nominal. Having an open bar that included liquor was actually saved money over just beer and wine since the liquor was less expensive per shot - the opposite is usually true if the venue provides the liquor.

Beachy730 · July 2010

I know $600 does seem like a lot but you'll probably get to the point of your wedding where certain things are worth the money to save an argument or hurt feelings. I have a very large family, and my mom is the oldest of 8 kids, and there are 17 grandkids. I could never imagine not having my cousins at my wedding, and they range in age from 2-28 years old. So I definintely understand your FI wanting them there if they are close. My FI only has 2 cousins both over 18, and a half sister who is 10, so it was definitely my choice to have my cousins there. But knowing how close my family is there was no question from him about it. The one thing you have going for you is that you have plenty of time to make this decision if your wedding is in 2012. Even if you send out save the dates you can always just address those to parents. We also only invited children in the family. We have friends and coworkers this children but we only addressed their invites to the parents.

I know personally that our venue's menu makes no mention of kids on it. Its just something you have to make a point of asking when you call around or visit them. Our venue is about $50 per plate with open bar included and I would never pay that for kids. But they are only charging us I think $12.95 for kids up to 12, and they get chicken fingers and french fries. Then 12-20 is I believe $24.95 for the same meal choice as adults, but we are not charged a bar package on them. We have a total of 8 chicken finger meals, and 4 no bar meals. So all of our kids will total just over $200, which saves about $400 if they were full price.

quotequeen · July 2010

My venue didn't list it on their website, so I wouldn't be too discouraged by that. At mine, there is a children's menu available for those under a certain age, and that has a discounted rate. Children under 3 who don't get a meal, there is no charge. Those who are too old for the kids meal, but under 21, there is a discount for the bar package.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Yes, every venue will differ. For our venue, we were allowed to choose a kid meal for those under the age of 8. It was kid friendly like chicken fingers and mac & cheese. I think they were under $10 a plate if I remember correctly. I would just check with the venues you are considering, assuming you don't have anything booked just yet and see before you decide. I agree with the other ladies if it is really important to your FI and his family to have kids, try to explore other options before you say a no kids wedding. I love kids and think they are really fun to dance and stuff with. Plus, parents of really tiny kids hopefully would have common sense to get a sitter as they won't remember anything anyway.

loop0406 · July 2010

We are paying $40/head and that includes per plate, regardless of age

loritajean · July 2010

My venue does charge a discount rate for kids.

Adults: $28
Kids: $18
Kids under 5 years old: free

It's obviously going to vary depending on your venue.

Your parents should be more understanding that they're paying for YOUR wedding, not their own. If you want kids to attend, but your parents don't, offer to pay for the kids yourselves. Or try to cut costs somewhere else.

My parents are paying for most of my wedding. What we did was they gave me a certain amount ahead of time, and I had it at my disposal to spend. If I went over that amount, I had to pay for the extra myself. It's nice bc we never argued about how much to spend on what, who to invite, etc. Maybe that's a good idea for your family? That way they could help you out with the finances, but all the decisions would be yours.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-charged-same-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bf1ea7a9-218b-4056-ada0-f419d6ca733bPost:ed1ab367-b02c-4003-8d32-a976e754821a">Re: Are children charged the same at weddings??</a>:
[QUOTE]$600 is a lot of money. I mean, my FI was suggesting we have our guests pay for their drinks rather than have an open bar, but that IMO is cheap. Anyway, he feels it is rude not to invite children. There, of course, are ways to tastefully say ''no children,'' but we havent come to that point. Most of his relatives are out of town, so maybe a lot of children wouldn;t come anyway (extra plane fares and what not). I was just hoping there would be some discount for the little ones since they barely eat a meal anyway. It's just a lot of money to fork over.
Posted by edellis[/QUOTE]

You're right. $600 is a lot of money. But I promise you that in the grand scheme of things, it's not that much... When you really get into the planning, you'll probably be shocked at home much things cost - not to scare you ;) - and paying for the kids will be the least of it.

But the good news is that you have two years to save up to pay for elements that aren't important to your parents, but are important to you and your FI. If he wants the kids there, I think you'll be glad that you made that a priority and start saving for it now. After it's all said and done, you'd probably regret it if you left out the kids - especially since that expense will most likely be one of the smaller ones in your overall budget. Good luck!

Cray.anita · July 2010

Our caterer was very casual about the whole kid thing and said to use our judgement and count every 2-3 kids as one adult (we are doing a buffet) unless we thought the child was old enough to eat as much as an adult. That makes our kids about $5 each (adults are 11.50 each for the meal)

It will just vary from venue to venue but from the PP's it sounds like most places are pretty accomidating.

MobKaz · July 2010

We have two options for children/teens.......

Kids under 12 not only get a special price (20) but a "kids" menu as well since very few little kids are enthusiastic about formal plated dinners. They select the typical kids fare such as chicken tenders, pasta, pizza......

"Tweens".....older than 12 but not 21 and therefore not involved with alcohol get a reduced price of 40......a full-on adult plate will be approximately 68-----alcohol is a part of the package so the venue deducts what it would typically charge "per person" for non-drinkers.

My guess is that some options will be available to you. You must present it in the proper way, however, to make sure accommodations are made......rather than ask, "Is there a discount for children"?, rephrase your question to something like, "We may have a need to invite children and/or teens.....what discounted meal options do you offer for non-drinking guests?"

Don't despair before you start!!

blondie82784 · July 2010

For our wedding we did a package which included cake, chair covers, wine at dinner, invites, fresh centerpieces and veg/ fruit platter during cocktail hour and we had to pay the same $27 dollars for everyone including kids

Our meal which you pay separate for... Adults is $43 for buffet and a kids meal is $15 which is either chicken finger or spaghetti

It depends on where you go

ehathewa · July 2010

Adult entrees were $20-$30 and the kids meals were $8-$12. Our place didn't have an age limit on who ate a kids meal... but I would guess most over 12 would choose the adult entree. Plus kids drink soda not wine or beer, so that is cheaper too.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

With that many kids, you're probably going to want to shop around to find a venue/caterer that offers a discount for them.

Piru · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_children-charged-same-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bf1ea7a9-218b-4056-ada0-f419d6ca733bPost:94c0ad42-e10b-40cf-9035-be7f3b52c0f3">Re: Are children charged the same at weddings??</a>:
[QUOTE]With that many kids, you're probably going to want to shop around to find a venue/caterer that offers a discount for them.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
Agreed. If FH wants them there they should be there but I'm sure you could shop around to find something that makes it cheaper. Have you actually asked around yet?

If you're locked into using a specific caterer because of the venue, maybe you could count every two kids as one adult. If they're young there should still be plenty of food for everybody. I would think most places would offer a discount for kids though. Makes no sense to charge a 6 year old the same as an adult- they eat less and maybe they'll be picky and refuse to eat the food, anyway!

Meagan78 · July 2010

My venue charges half for kids.

Are children charged the same at weddings??

Re: Are children charged the same at weddings??

2011 Reading Challenge

Choose Another Board

Search Boards