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POLL: S/o gifts at wedding

Danes983Danes983 member
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in New Jersey
For those of us paying for wedding ourselves, I am sure that you hope to get back atleast 1/2 of what you put into the wedding. So lets talk about what we give at weddings pp on average if you attended and it is in the NY/NJ/PA area. Remember this is average.
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Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding

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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
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    edited December 2011
    One note: when this poll has been done in the past a lot of people have said exactly $150/person, so this poll may get very skewed because $150 is in two different categories.
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    sgdc2011sgdc2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    It depends on how close I am to the person.. I sometimes consider how much they are paying if I know...
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    Danes983Danes983 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I havent been to any weddings of anyone really close yet, but on average I give $100-$150 per person.  I couldnt imagin ever giving less at a wedding I attended.
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    akmackayakmackay
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What I give and what I got for my wedding are two totally different categories lol. Apparently other people don't visit this board.
    *~allie~*

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    Denise91980Denise91980 member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I try to cover our plates and give a little extra...If is family or a close friend I give more.
    BFP #1 1/1/11 EDD 9/10/11 dx:no hb DNC on 2/2/11 BFP #2 12/28/11 natural m/c on 2/6/12 BFP#3 2/16/13 dx:ectopic on 2/27 (given methotrexate)
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    jrgoogrljrgoogrl
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    edited December 2011
    I put $100-$150, depends on where the wedding takes place. Also, how close to the couple we are.
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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:78cb92cc-126d-4772-aad6-0d8df64341e6">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]What I give and what I got for my wedding are two totally different categories lol. Apparently other people don't visit this board.
    Posted by akmackay[/QUOTE]

    <div>hahaha....not really funny but I totally think there needs to be a board for people ATTENDING weddings and the proper etiquette of everything wedding related.</div>
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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:75a4cd37-8be0-4ff4-ae39-83a773337eef">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding : hahaha....not really funny but I totally think there needs to be a board for people ATTENDING weddings and the proper etiquette of everything wedding related.
    Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, but it's also important to remember that it is a wedding and not a fundraiser, everybody has different financial means, and in other areas of the country there are different gift-giving customs.  I would be perfectly happy in a world where I gave people $50 wedding gifts and they gave me $50 wedding gifts.</div>
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    Danes983Danes983 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally agree with uppereast.  I was just saying to someone how I will keep a list as my mom did and give the same they gave me if I am able.  Just because it makes things less complicated. IMO
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    Magoobie1001Magoobie1001
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    edited December 2011
    Before our wedding, we always gave $300 for both of us (150 p/p).  Now, we give the couple whatever they gave us at our wedding.  I think that's pretty fair.
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    demarcosjddemarcosjd
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I always try to cover my plate and then some but that also depends on my relation to the couple. We had a lot of OOT guests at our wedding and based off of what they all gave to us I really think "covering your plate" doesn't apply to all demographics.
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    stephweinsteinstephweinstein
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    edited December 2011
    You gals are on very generous (my wedding is on October 23rd, wanna come? jk)  I feel like my friends from college don't really know enough to gift $100-150 pp as I am the first to get married.  But, in the end, this may save me money over the long run.
    BabyFruit Ticker If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. Even if we're apart i'll always be with you. - A.A. Milne
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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:411a3afe-238e-4dbb-928f-57e6e13ddfb9">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I totally agree with uppereast.  I was just saying to someone how I will keep a list as my mom did and give the same they gave me if I am able.  Just because it makes things less complicated. IMO
    Posted by Danes983[/QUOTE]

    <div>That's one reason why I like to give gifts instead of cash -- it is a little bit less obvious what was spent, and it isn't as "Here is the return of the $250 that you gave us at your wedding."  </div><div>
    </div><div>It's all so complicated.  I was just thinking about this the other day because two of my husband's best friends (who are also each other's best friends) are getting married next summer.  When we got married, Friend A (who attended with his ex-girlfriend) gave us $500.  Super generous and more than I would have spent on him!  Friend B (who attended alone) gave us $150.  Friend B has been married before (he's a widow) so we've given him a nice wedding gift in the past.  So I really don't know what we should do because I feel like we should be giving even gifts to them, but I don't know what we should do about either of them.  </div>
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    akmackayakmackay
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:8301e9ad-32ba-4915-bd6d-af98b18b2338">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding : Yeah, but it's also important to remember that it is a wedding and not a fundraiser, everybody has different financial means, and in other areas of the country there are different gift-giving customs.  I would be perfectly happy in a world where I gave people $50 wedding gifts and they gave me $50 wedding gifts.
    Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely, but it was interesting to me to see what people thought was acceptable for a wedding. I am just glad I was one of the first to get married, and although I gave more to the wedding I went to a few weeks ago than they gave us, I still think it's a good thing to know what they give as to somewhat base what we will give them. Of course, this goes out the door if they get married 10 yrs from now and to consider that they were working a mediocre job making very low salary when we got married. I'm rambling, but do agree that it's a wedding and in the end we were just thrilled that the people came to celebrate with us and that we had an amazing time. Money and gifts are just a bonus to that.
    *~allie~*

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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:8301e9ad-32ba-4915-bd6d-af98b18b2338">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding : Yeah, but it's also important to remember that it is a wedding and not a fundraiser, everybody has different financial means, and in other areas of the country there are different gift-giving customs.  I would be perfectly happy in a world where I gave people $50 wedding gifts and they gave me $50 wedding gifts.
    Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]

    <div>I would too.  I was speaking generally, not just about gifts...sorry I should have made that clear. I feel like when it comes to weddings you find out who your true friends are and what family members actually think of you.  And a lot of that can be said by the gift they give or the lack of gift.  I completely understand the people that gave us "small" gifts because they really didn't have the money.  But me personally couldn't go to a wedding and not at least cover my plate.  </div>
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    akmackayakmackay
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:04bf093f-bf07-4169-bacd-63ddcb29da39">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding :  But me personally couldn't go to a wedding and not at least cover my plate.  
    Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

    The whole covering the plate thing is so touchy though. Just because someone's parents could afford $250/plate to me does not mean that I should give them more. I would much rather give a couple who has nothing and is paying for everything themselves more money to help them out. It just leaves a sour taste in my mouth when people (not meaning you in particular Felicia) think that b/c they had an elaborate wedding they should get more
    *~allie~*

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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:04bf093f-bf07-4169-bacd-63ddcb29da39">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]  But me personally couldn't go to a wedding and not at least cover my plate.  
    Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

    <div>But (and this question is for all the girls who said on this post that they cover their plates), how do you know that you covered your plate?  </div>
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    Danes983Danes983 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Maybe it would be better stated if we said tried to cover our plate.  Meaning giving more than $50, bc we know most places in NJ arent that price.

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    uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:08d48444-1c79-4526-afd9-2d4fb0750c3e">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding : The whole covering the plate thing is so touchy though. Just because someone's parents could afford $250/plate to me does not mean that I should give them more. I would much rather give a couple who has nothing and is paying for everything themselves more money to help them out. It just leaves a sour taste in my mouth when people (not meaning you in particular Felicia) think that b/c they had an elaborate wedding they should get more
    Posted by akmackay[/QUOTE]

    <div>I absolutely agree with this.  </div>
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    Denise91980Denise91980 member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree in terms of a "reasonably priced" venue. If I go to a wedding at the Pleasantdale Chateau I don't think I need to put in 250 because someone else chose a crazy expensive venue. When I say reasonable, I tend to think I am covering myself if the wedding is 100-150pp.
    BFP #1 1/1/11 EDD 9/10/11 dx:no hb DNC on 2/2/11 BFP #2 12/28/11 natural m/c on 2/6/12 BFP#3 2/16/13 dx:ectopic on 2/27 (given methotrexate)
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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You right you can't always tell how much they paid, but I usually have a general idea depending on where the wedding is.  I agree that you may not always be able to afford to cover your plate for a really elaborate wedding, but I do my best.  And there is always the factor of how close I am with the couple, I will give more to someone I am really close with.  
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    TuffysMommieTuffysMommie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_poll-gifts-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e010386e-6cd7-4f16-b279-3a2a62838036Post:04bf093f-bf07-4169-bacd-63ddcb29da39">Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: POLL: S/o gifts at wedding : I feel like when it comes to weddings you find out who your true friends are and what family members actually think of you.  And a lot of that can be said by the gift they give or the lack of gift.
    Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

    I don't really agree with this. You can have someone think the world of you and then have them not give a large gift. And you can have wealthy people give large gifts who are family friends or something and really think nothing of the couple.  I don't think that the amount that someone gives really determines how much they like you as a person. I think it has to do more with how much they can afford to give that moment in time or what their other finances look like that month.
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    Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    The cheapest we go is $350.  But that doesn't mean I will give you per plate if you got married at the Pleasantdale Chateau.

    However, with that said, since we now have passed our wedding, I will give whatever back to couples that they gave to us so if they gave $300, that's what they are getting back.

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