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Bridesmaid help!!

I'm torn between two people for my wedding party. It is important to have three people to my fiance. I already have two, but the 3rd is tricky. I have a friend of 6 years who was my boss when I first met her, then we became friends (we are the same age). She has been there for me through break ups and happy times. She has also written me letters of rec for jobs, etc. but the problem is she can be flakey. She cancels on dinner plans about 40% of the time and is often late. But she does make it almost every week for our tv show, although she is usually 5-20 mins late. I love her but am worried she isn't reliable. The other option is my cousin. We are friends, but not as close as my friend above. I used to be best friends with her older sister (long story but she moved in with her bf and the rest of the world disappeared), so I'm afraid asking her might cause family drama. I could just ask both but our wedding is small so we'd prefer to just have one. Who is the better choice? Thanks!

Re: Bridesmaid help!!

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    I doubt your flakey friend would flake out on your wedding.
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    Only you can make this decision.  Hopefully putting it out there on "proverial paper" will help you to decide.  Good luck.
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    Why is it so important to your FI that you have three people on your side?


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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:af3939d2-77bc-4f50-b809-964c64a0abc1Post:7e34ff62-24e6-4d1a-80db-8c8e2b254739">Re: Bridesmaid help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Maggie maybe because he has three people and wants even sides?</strong> OP, it's completely fine if the sides are not even.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    That's what I was thinking, but I always find it strange when the man is so insistent on even sides.  I guess I was hoping it was something more interesting like, "3 is his lucky number" or "the number 3 looks cool when drawn" (that one may be a stretch).

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    OP, if you're only having one more BM, who are you the closest to? No one on the boards can decide that for you. I don't really think the flaky friend would be flaky on your wedding date. And since that's the only thing she's required to attend, you should be all good.

    Also, if you're equally close to both girls and can't decide, why not ask both? Why is your FI dictating how many BMs you will have???
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    If this is reall about even sides and you find yourself unable to choose between two people, even sides really don't matter at all. The idea that both sides have to be the same is outdated.

    If, however, you are having this dilemma because you are scared that your friend is flakey but still really want her, I highly doubt she will bail on your wedding or get there half way through and bound up the aisle =) Make a detailed day-of schedule and tell her to be there early JIC. Also give her the final date to get her dress ordered and let her know what the rush fee is. After that it is up to her to be the grownup and get her stuff in order.
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    edited February 2012

    My fiance wanted to have 5 friends as groomsmen, but I only have 4 bridesmaids.  He really wanted the sides to be even, and he tried to push me into asking one of his female cousins to be a bridesmaid.  I did not want to ask her because we aren't close at all.  I stuck to my guns and just have 4 bridesmaids.


    So my advice is that if your heart is not in it, don't ask an extra bridesmaid.  If you really want to ask one of these girls, that is one thing.  But don't do it just for the sake of even sides.

    ETA: I'm sorry - I may have misunderstood this.  If you want to ask them both, go for it.  Like I said, the sides don't have to be even.

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    I would honestly pick the person closest to you if your FI insists on having three.  Just keep in mind that your BMs don't have to do ANYTHING except show up to your wedding sober in the dress you asked them to get.  As long as you don't expect anything more, your friend who can be a bit flaky won't disappoint you, as I seriously doubt she'd flake out for that!
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    Like Joy said, I doubt your flaky friend would flake on the wedding.  You'd be surprised at what people will do for a wedding.  One of our GM is pretty flaky, and I worried about him getting in to get fitted for his tux by the deadline we gave him, but he got it done with days to spare.  I doubt she'd flake on something so important.  Your wedding is more important than a TV show date, KWIM?

    But only you can decide.  And it's totally ok to have uneven sides if it's your FI insisting that they be even (mine was the same way)

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    Just to go against the grain here a bit, if she's always a bit flakey, why would she change just for your wedding?  I know I have seen dozens of posts of brides complaining about their flakey friend, continuing to be flakey related to wedding stuff, and everyone responds with how people don't change just because it's your wedding.  Just sayin, you know?

    That being said, OP, pick who you want to pick, or don't pick anyone if you don't really want to pick another BM.  Let your FI know that even sides are not necessary, there's a lot boys don't know about weddings, maybe he just doesn't realize this yet?
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    I think your first choice of your friend/ex boss would be the best. Even though she cancels dinner dates doesn't mean she'll cancel wedding plans. She might not be able to lick envelopes, go to your dress fittings, or tie ribbons on favors but as a BM that is not a responsibility. All she needs to do is buy the dress and be there at the wedding. I'm sure she would be thrilled to do those things for you.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:af3939d2-77bc-4f50-b809-964c64a0abc1Post:e7094f5b-fea6-46e8-810f-d3db2d242739">Re: Bridesmaid help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If this is reall about even sides and you find yourself unable to choose between two people, even sides really don't matter at all. The idea that both sides have to be the same is outdated. If, however, you are having this dilemma because you are scared that your friend is flakey but still really want her, I highly doubt she will bail on your wedding or get there half way through and bound up the aisle =) <strong>Make a detailed day-of schedule and tell her to be there early JIC. Also give her the final date to get her dress ordered and let her know what the rush fee is. After that it is up to her to be the grownup and get her stuff in order.</strong>
    Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

    This right here!
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